


Everything is Better, Part Six

by CeleryLapel



Series: Everything is Better the Second Time Around [6]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: AU, Baby Fic, Dad!Jeff, F/M, Family, Fluff, Kid Fic, Language, Lawyer!Jeff, Romance, and major fan service, happy ending guaranteed, major fluff alert, some little angst, this might be sickeningly sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 85,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeleryLapel/pseuds/CeleryLapel
Summary: This is a continuation of the series, "Everything is Better the Second Time Around."If Annie Edison had a child before she entered Greendale and how this situation might have shaped her and Jeff's relationship.
Relationships: Annie Edison/Jeff Winger
Series: Everything is Better the Second Time Around [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/426382
Comments: 201
Kudos: 131





	1. Introduction to Relocation and Employment Contracts

**Author's Note:**

> And we’re back for part six, dear readers! Ol’ Celery is making the assumption the world doesn’t end. And if it does, at least we have fanfic to help us on our way out.

“So this is where things really get interesting. Or terrible. Time will tell.”

Jeff nodded absentmindedly as he poked a pen in the lower desk drawer. He still hadn’t been able to procure all of his supplies for his teaching gig, and his mom, who was the only one who apparently knew where anything was at Greendale, was stuck in the middle of a meeting with the Dean and the school board. He had been attempting to tune out Abed’s narration so that he could spend as little time in the office as possible. Buzz was due back within the half hour, and he wanted to minimize the space spent in awkward grunts.

Abed cocked his head and studied Jeff’s maneuvers. He shifted his perched position on Hickey’s desk and added, “You’re not listening. This is important.”

With a heavy sigh, Jeff looked up. “Okay, just tell me.” He kind of wished Abed would get off the desk but figured he could handle his own consequences. He still wasn’t sure if Buzz was aware he and Abed were working on a detective screenplay or if that was merely in Abed’s imagination.

Abed leaned forward. “This will be our final year, pending any other expansions of our universe, say if we were to get picked up for a movie.”

“Um hm.”

“We have a looser structure in which to work, which presents opportunities for some zany fun, emotional catharsis, and fluffy moments.” He paused for dramatic effect and then added, “Or could unfortunately lead to a meandering storyline that bores the audience.”

“Okay, I’ll try to remember that.”

“I hope there are possibilities for the introduction of a new character or two.”

Jeff closed his eyes and nodded once again. He considered Abed might himself be bored, and Annie told him to be nice. She had run over to Sophie’s preschool to pick her up from her last day and, he suspected, drive past Magnolia Avenue to take another wistful look at the house. Although he normally prided himself on being honest with his lady, he had so far been keeping pretty big news from her, news he considered she might literally combust from hearing. It was preoccupying his thoughts, and he told himself that getting his office set up for the first summer term on Tuesday was probably a good use of time so that they could move on to other projects before he was filled with Greendale teaching responsibilities.

Who was he kidding. This was Greendale. He planned to coast his way to success.

He smiled slightly as he realized he didn’t even really need the money anymore. Borchardt had taken care of that. The amount of legal work required to bring back a man from the dead as well as coordinate other ventures, trusts, businesses, and of course Greendale Community College itself was keeping Jeff and Mark busy. The fact that Borchardt didn’t seem to see the value in money either and was happy to pay them whatever they wanted, and would often offer bonuses because Jeff had been true to his promise in connecting him to a crazy old man named Elroy they had found in an RV on campus and that he saved Raquel, made Jeff’s financial problems disappear.

He hadn’t been completely forthright with Annie about it, mostly because he didn’t quite believe it himself and he wanted to savor the moment when she knew that they could start to make more of their dreams come true. He already had the wine ready and was going to swing by the dry cleaners to get his best suit. The reservations were set at their favorite fancy restaurant for tomorrow night.

“That’s interesting. Why are you smiling?”

He opened his eyes and found Abed staring at him, now with popcorn which had appeared out of nowhere. He sighed and said, “I was just thinking about something, but it has no relevance to anything we’ve been discussing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Abed.”

Abed shrugged and said, “Oh, for a moment there I thought you were thinking about Borchardt, who let’s face it _is_ a zany new character and I saw that guy Elroy you were talking to over near South Hall, and that would be directly related to what I was just saying. Oh, and are you rich now?” 

Abed’s eyes pierced his, and it was more than a little unnerving.

He considered his options. He couldn't very well lie to Abed, but he didn’t want things to get out of hand. Abed blabbed a lot, he couldn’t help it nor distinguish when he shouldn’t. He leaned back in his chair and, eyeing the door to make sure it was still shut, explained, “Not rich, but Borchardt is a client, and I am helping him get things in order for his return to society. He’s paying me in line with the work. Elroy knows a lot about computers and is helping get Raquel back online.”

“So are you rich?”

“Not exactly. But I’m no longer freaking out about paying the rent.”

Abed nodded, and he hoped that would take care of it. 

_“Goo! Gooooooooooo!”_

Grateful for the reprieve, he started to rise to attend to a wakening Sebastian when the door opened and there was Buzz. His brows rose in mild surprise at the sight of them, and then he spotted the cagepen and his grumpy expression transformed into a full on grin. 

_“Goooooooooo!”_

“Well, what do we have here? A visitor?” The tone was full of bemusement.

Buzz walked up to the cagepen, seemed to study the inside carefully, and then leaned over and picked up Sebastian, handling him like a pro. Jeff’s chest warmed, and he considered perhaps he didn’t need to be that concerned about sharing an office with Buzz. He had been fixating on the potential awkwardness but not the advantages. Buzz was good with Sophie and likely babies as well. And if Jeff had any bets, he’d wager Annie was more than eager to swing by campus frequently this summer rather stay home full time with the kids.

Buzz was addressing Sebastian, “You could have given me notice, I would have gotten you a special treat. Your mommy told me you started eating mashed bananas.”

“And pureed spinach, but I don’t know why.”

“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Sebastian.”

Jeff rolled his eyes and decided to assume Buzz was joking in some way. He wasn’t completely sure, but he really didn’t want this to be any more weird than necessary. He turned to Abed and asked, “Maybe we should go find Shirley? I’ll circle back here in twenty.”

Buzz turned toward them and the corners of his mouth twitched. 

“Now, Jeff, we’re going to be officemates. Your mom is thrilled. Let’s just play along.”

“I’m not playing. We’re fine Buzz.”

Abed, who was now standing by Jeff’s side asked, “Fine or fyne?”

Ignoring the question, Jeff said to Buzz, but it was more of a question, “I know?”

Buzz winked.

X

X

About ten awkward minutes later, Annie and Sophie came bursting in like rays of sunshine. Jeff instantly perked up and if anyone was closely paying attention, Buzz and Abed did as well.

Sebastian, still on the lap of Buzz, was more obvious, with his shrieking and smiling at Sophie.

_“Awww, I missed you sweetie! Don’t you worry. I’m here. I’m all done with school and we are going to spend the whole summer together!”_ Sophie ran over to him and Jeff quickly arranged a chair next to Buzz so that Sophie could sit. She proceeded to stand on it, and as Annie started to reprimand her, Buzz growled.

“Sophie, that chair is a little big for you. We should get you your own chair. I’ll fashion one up for you in my woodshop.”

Now very pleased, Sophie said, _“I would like that very much, thank you, Grandpa Buzz.”_ She then tilted her head and grinned mischievously as she said, _“See Mommy, I said thank you.”_

“Yes, sweetie, good job.” Annie was eyeing Sophie with some wariness that puzzled Jeff.

Sophie smiled triumphantly and turned her attention back to Sebastian. _“Now where is your bear? Did Daddy leave her at home?”_ She then followed Buzz’s nonverbal direction to sit down without any resistance.

“I state for the record I did not.” Jeff took the bear out of the cagepen and tossed it at her, the result being a cascade of giggles. He then joined Annie by his desk. She was admiring it, running her hand over the top while licking her bottom lip, and he just about died.

“Hey, it’s a little sticky. I’m gonna have to grab some cleaner or something.” He leaned in a little, and wondered if they should wait until they were alone. He cast a glance over at Buzz and the kids and noticed they were in rapt conversation.

“Awww, it’s your teacher desk.” Her eyelashes fluttered up at him, and then she ducked her head with a blush.

Now very intrigued, he sat down, fished his reading glasses out of his pocket, and placed them on his nose, figuring that would do it for her just as much as his suit, which he was sporting today just because he had come from a minor court issue that morning. 

“What do you think? Do I look like a professor now?”

She instantly squealed, and he nodded repeatedly as he watched her excitement.

“Jeff! You’re wearing them in public!”

“Now, let’s not refer to this office as _public,_ or even Greendale as such. And I’ll have you know that even I admit I’m having a little bit difficulty reading all of the Dean’s memos. He writes like an elf.”

“You do look very scholarly.” She swiveled her hip and stepped closer, taking her index finger to tap him lightly on the nose, and he instantly had no regrets whatsoever for agreeing to the teaching gig.

“Ahem.”

They both turned to see Abed exaggerating a yawn. He was standing eerily close to the desk, and he had Sophie’s backpack in his arms. 

“We don’t have time for flirting. Everyone knows you’re together. It’s boring. Let’s move the plot along.” He was inching toward the door.

Jeff scowled.

It was then that the Dean entered, his mom right on his tail with a clipboard. Abed fell back and raised his eyebrows.

“Hi-dee ho! Why it’s some of my favorite Greendaliens.” The Dean paused and clarified, “Perhaps I shouldn’t use that term. Some of our students are sensitive about immigration issues, and I don’t want to offend. So, scratch that, let’s just go back to Greendale Human Beings.” He smiled indulgently at all of them, his eyes lingering on Jeff’s glasses.

Quickly removing his spectacles and shoving them in his jacket pocket, Jeff cleared his throat and said, “Hi mom. Dean.”

His mom stepped forward with warmth. “Jeffrey, it’s so good to see you! We just had a mess of a meeting with the school board. Now, I must tell you…”

The Dean interjected, “Now Dorie, let’s not bother him with this right now. Afterall, look at how professory he looks! He’ll fit right in!” The Dean tilted his head and continued to admire Jeff sitting in at his desk.

Annie clapped her hands and said, “I know, doesn’t he?!?”

His mom nodded, and Jeff could have let it die there, but he had an itching on the back of his neck.

Perhaps against his better judgement, he asked, “What happened with the school board?”

His mother, who had been waving at Buzz and the kids, cast a sturdy look at the Dean and said, “Richie and Carl are being ridiculous. They don’t know how to properly use the funds that dear Doctor Borchardt gave for upkeep to the school. They want to jazz up the entire quad and hire a new mascot.”

The Dean whimpered.

With a look of reproach at the Dean which gave Jeff the impression that perhaps it wasn’t only Richie and Carl who were being idiots, she continued, “And really, we all know that the funds should first be used to clear out that underground lair and patch all the holes. The teacher’s lounge is almost falling into the basement at this point. Poor Ian was electrocuted and still needs to see a decent hairdresser to fix his burnt and split ends. And someone was apparently playing with dynamite near the back of the gymnasium and blew up some shrubbery.”

Buzz coughed.

Jeff and Annie exchanged alarmed looks.

“Mom, you’re right. I can talk to Borchardt and we will put conditions on the funds. Of course, we’ll need to have someone supervise, obviously.”

She shook her head, the space between her brows crinkling with worry. “Jeffrey, I just don’t know that school well enough for these types of procedures. As organized as I am, I’m a little out of my element.”

Not surprising anyone present, Annie instantly stepped forward and exclaimed, “I can help!”

“Oh, that would be wonderful, dear! Craig, wouldn’t that just be fantastic?”

The Dean smiled triumphantly and shook Annie’s hand. As she squealed, he said, “That would be terrific! Why, having one of my best students and my former assistant help us with this mess is a godsend! I don’t see why this won’t work unless something else catastrophic happens!”

Jeff tried to ignore the continued itchiness on the back of his neck.

X

X

By the time they made the Greendale rounds to greet everyone, picked up Ruffles from Ian, and got into the SUV, Annie sensed something was up. She wasn’t sure if Jeff was having doubts about teaching, if it was sharing an office with Buzz, her taking on a new project and worried about her ability to tend to the kids this summer, or if Abed had said something terribly wrong. Or it could be all of those things. She considered maybe it was not the moment to share with him the latest development.

Jeff was glaring at Abed, who was seated in between the kids, in the rearview mirror as he drove.

“We are not picking up Troy. This is already a circus.”

“I promised him we’d watch Kickpuncher 2 tonight. And he says he couldn’t meet me on campus for a little while because, well….because. I should state he told me to tell you he had nothing to do with the dynamite.”

Ignoring that potential minefield, Jeff reiterated, “And you _can_ watch Kickpuncher. I will just drop you off at _home._ ”

“But I thought we could all watch it together?”

Jeff smiled tightly, the way he did when he was about to lose it. Annie glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed Abed’s intense stare and Sophie’s wide eyes. She then regarded Sebastian’s sleeping face, reflected in another mirror, as he was facing backward in his baby carseat. She had some concerns he was going to assume this was naptime and be grouchy later, but she knew that wasn’t the priority.

She simply said, “Sophie’s too young to watch Kickpuncher.”

_“I wanna see it, Mommy. I can kick.”_

“No, sweetie. We’ll watch something better.”

Abed said, “I want to watch a movie with you guys tonight.”

“Jeff and I need some quiet time tonight, okay? It’s been a long week.” 

“But it’s never quiet at your place. Sophie tells me it’s loud.”

_“It IS! Sebastian is so loud. He cries and laughs and says gooooo and throw-ed bananas on me. He’s so noisy!”_

Annie stifled a laugh as she remembered their morning. Jeff had needed to do a quick sink hair wash and gel maneuver with Sophie, and it had been semi traumatizing yet adorable. She had taken a few pictures of a delighted Sebastian full of banana himself, the slime oozing into his chubby cheeks.

Jeff piped in. “Yeah, munchkin, did you know you hit me with a bunch of goopy bananas when you were a baby?”

_“Oh, no! I did not!”_ Sophie sounded scandalized. Annie peeked in the mirror again and noticed she was smacking her face with an outstretched palm, which was very dramatic.

Jeff’s tone remained playful as he continued, “Yeah, you probably don’t remember it. You were just a little bit older than Sebastian is now. It was first thing in the morning, and you were very excited to show me how far you could throw your food. My hair was very sticky.”

_“I’m sorry, Daddy.”_

“Oh, I wasn’t upset. That’s just what babies do. It was kind of funny.” He winked at her in the rearview mirror, and Sophie giggled.

Annie chuckled at the memory and exchanged soft looks with Jeff. She was glad he was relaxing and teasing. She considered she would very much like to have a _quieter_ evening with him, without the pressures of Kickpuncher.

Abed said, “That’s interesting. Jeff, when were you first sleeping with Annie? Troy and I have differing views on that exact timeline. He says New Year’s of first year if not before, and I say no or you would have told me.”

Annie squeaked, “Abed!”

Jeff shouted, “That’s it! Apartment 303 can’t get here fast enough!”

_“Daddy and Mommy sleep together all the time. I’m going to sleep with them tonight too.”_

X

X

Eventually they got rid of Abed, after letting him say his goodbyes to Sophie, Sebastian, and Ruffles. Abed never seemed that interested in the dog, but he opened her carrier and pet her gingerly on the head and then took his leave. Annie could sense Jeff easing the tension in his shoulders, and within a few minutes, she was aware that he was humming and seemed excited.

She patted his thigh as he drove and said, “It’s Friday. We have a weekend of togetherness.”

“Yeah, awesome.”

He made a left, and she was wondering why he was going in the opposite direction of their apartment. She was about to ask when Sophie had other plans.

_“Mommy, can I tell Daddy now? Please?”_

She smiled sheepishly at Jeff, knowing what was coming. She was more than a tad concerned it would ruin his mood, but then she considered that he never could say no to Sophie so that he probably wouldn’t be too upset. She felt more than a little guilty that she hadn’t run it past him first, but Sophie had been so heart set on it, and she found evern herself not being able to deny her. 

He glanced at her and asked, “What is she talking about?”

“Sweetie, let me tell Daddy.”

_“No, I want to tell him. I’m going to tell him. He’ll love it.”_

“Sweetie, I…”

_“Daddy, we have a new friend. Ruffles will love her so much. She’s way in the back? Do you hear her? I think I hear her. I hope she’s not scared. I told her everyone will love her.”_

Jeff shot a look of alarm toward Annie, and she bit her lip.

“The what? Do we have another dog?”

“Jeff, it was her last day of preschool, and they needed to empty out the classroom. It’s just for the summer, I swear.”

He mouthed silently, “A cat?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t understand. Munchkin, who’s in the back?”

_“Mister Flufferstein! Ta da! She had nowhere to go because Charlie puked all over and he was supposed to watch Mister Flufferstein but Charlie’s mommy says no Charlie is always puking.”_

“Jeff, it’s just the summer, and maybe Charlie’s mom will let us hand off Mister Flufferstein when he feels better.”

_“No, Mommy, Miss Megan says I get Mister Flufferstein.”_

“But maybe Charlie would like to see her once he feels better.”

_“Charlie can visit her. She’s mine.”_

The true situation finally dawning on him, Jeff said, “Wait, do we have a guinea pig now?”

_“Yeah, Daddy!”_

Annie tapped his thigh once again, hoping he wouldn’t freak out. She knew he didn’t have much patience for his mother’s rabbits and for the smell of cedar chips and cleaning cages. Their baby’s diaper and picking up after Ruffles was probably enough right now, but Sophie had been pleading and then insistent. She supposed she had also been wanting to give something to Sophie since she had to put up with a crying baby and no longer getting most of their attention.

“I’m sorry I didn’t run it by you first, it’s just that things happened so quickly.”

_“There was a lot of puke, Daddy.”_

Jeff nodded, and kept driving, this time taking a right. Annie waited for him to say something, anything.

With a heavy sigh, he asked, “It’s just for the summer?”

“Yes, she goes back into the classroom in the fall.”

“It’s a girl named Mister?”

“Yes.”

_“Can we keep her? I”m going to kindergarten and I won’t see her.”_

“Sweetie, we agreed it was just for the summer. Then she has to meet all the new kids. You’re doing a great thing in taking care of her. But it’s just for a little while.”

She glanced back and Sophie was pouting. With a sigh, she turned and faced the front.

“Are you going to say anything?”

She startled and suddenly realized they were on Broadmore Street in Riverside and turned to see Jeff grinning as he made one final left turn onto Magnolia Avenue.

“Wait, why are we…?”

”Since we have a guinea pig now, we’re going to need more room.”

They were in front of the brick colonial.

X

X

It was a matter of gasps and then swats before she could fully comprehend that he wasn’t teasing. He explained something about Borchardt and a couple new clients he and Mark had reeled in, and then he had insincerely apologized for not having been forthright with her, but he had wanted it to be a surprise.

With a wary brow, she asked, “The surprise being...?”

“My mom’s real estate agent Ellen is waiting for us inside. She’s going to show us around.”

He was grinning like a schoolboy.

“Jeff! You mean you think we can actually afford some place like this? I looked at all the photos online and I just don’t know. It’s so _nice_.”

He grabbed her hand mid-swat and glanced into the backseat. She instantly felt guilty, knowing that Sophie was likely watching them. She turned to see Sophie smiling impishly with her hands intertwined on her lap.

_“Mommy, chill out! Daddy said surprise. Surprises are nice things. Like my birthday. And Mister Flufferstein. I’m going to be five very, very soon. I want another guinea pig so Mister Flufferstein doesn’t get lonely.”_

Jeff was holding back laughter, and he squeezed her hand for encouragement. “Annie, she’s right you know.” He then narrowed his eyes and addressed Sophie, “Not about the second guinea pig. I think one guinea pig is plenty of guinea pigs. Mister Flufferstein has you as a friend, and you’re a good one.”

_“Yes, Daddy.”_

He turned back to Annie and waited.

She was conscious of the bubbling in her stomach, the heat in her chest and cheeks, and how much she wanted to believe him.

“Let me take a look at the accounts, just to be sure.”

“Let’s at least go look at it.”

“Okay!”

X

X

Within a few minutes, they had somehow emptied the car and made it up to the house. Due to the heat, Annie had insisted they take Mister Flufferstein and Ruffles with them, and Jeff inwardly rued the fact that he hadn’t considered that pets would likely not be welcome in a house being shown for sale.

He managed to text Ellen an apologetic heads up while they were in the car. He tapped on the door. She opened it with a wide, likely nervous, smile and proceeded to take a sweeping look at all of them. Annie held an adorably cute Sebastian. Jeff was precariously gripping a guinea pig cage (he had now formerly met Mister Flufferstein), and his right hand was wrapped through Ruffles’ leash and his left leg was grabbed by the munchkin.

Sophie was jabbering, _“How come we’ve never moved, Daddy? Grandma moved. We always live in the same house.”_

“Well, we might move. That’s why we’re going to look at this house.”

_“I hope it has a drawbridge. Maybe it’s in the back of the house? I don’t see one here. Ariana Puffington likes drawbridge-es-es.”_

He smiled down at her and then regarded Ellen, a smart dressed and impeccably groomed woman of around fifty. She was stifling a laugh, and he made the round of introductions.

“I'm sorry about the pets. I didn’t think it through. And to be fair, we only had the dog this morning. Somehow our daughter wrangled a guinea pig out of her last day of preschool.” He nodded down at the cage.

Ellen shook her head. “There’s no problem. Here, let’s maybe put the cage in the foyer, and would you mind taking the dog, what a cute little dog, to the backyard? It’s fenced in, but maybe still secure it in some way?”

“Of course. Thank you so much.”

Annie was awwing already, and his heart melted. After settling the fur creatures, they proceeded to get the full tour.

X

X

They were talking amongst themselves in the kitchen, having left Ellen to show Sophie the backyard.

Annie squeaked, “This house is amazing!”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Should we look at more?”

She repositioned Sebastian in her arms and then grunted in thought. He reached over and took the squirt from her so she could maniacally move about, as he knew excited Annie needed it. She readily took him up on it and began waving her hands to illustrate.

“This kitchen is beautiful! There’s a full size stove and a brand new dishwasher!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice.” He nodded and kissed the squirt, now full on drooling, on his forehead. He reached for a wipe from Annie’s bag, and she readily handed the whole bag over as she sashayed into the living room. He followed.

“And this!” She held her arms wide. “We could have a family space here and then a reading nook over there….”

\--”Annie, who’s going to read right now? The noise.”

“Stop it, Mister Grinch.” She smiled playfully and then made her way to the dining area. “And this! We could have our friends over, or Sophie could have a little party with her friends. Or maybe Sebastian won’t fling so much banana on Sophie if they’re not sitting as close together.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

She ran upstairs, and he followed.

“This.” She pushed open one of the bedroom doors, and they stepped inside. “What a great room for Sophie! It’s blue now, but I say a nice purple. Of course, she can pick whatever color she wants, but I have a hunch it’ll be purple.”

“Yeah, I…”

She tapped his elbow and indicated with her head to follow to the next room.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her and her delight.

X

X

After returning downstairs, they discussed down payment in hushed tones, Annie now finally onboard with doing this. He reassured her they’d talk more about it at home.

“Should we look at a few more? Ellen says there’s a place on Chadwick near your old high school.”

Annie pursed her lips and seemed to consider something for a few moments. She then tapped her hand on the kitchen counter and looked up at him with determination.

“I don’t want to live near my old high school, plus that’s a little too close to my mom.”

“Ah, both good points.”

“Plus, this house is only a few blocks from your mom and Buzz, and I already looked into the elementary school when you first showed me the listing, and it’s perfect for Sophie and Sam.”

“Of course you did.”

“You did too, dummy.”

He silently agreed and did his best to walk around the kitchen to keep Sebastian engaged, as the kid was wanting to look at everything these days. Annie had warned him crawling might be soon, and he was giddy at the thought, but even more so if that could happen in a bigger place. He could not fathom their current arrangement lasting much longer, especially with the addition of Mister Flufferstein.

“I should mention that Ellen says there’s a house for rent around the corner.” He paused for low-key yet dramatic effect and wiggled his brows.

“For Holly and the kids?!?” Annie jumped up and down several times.

“That’s what I was thinking. She’s showing Holly tomorrow.”

She stopped and stared at him incredulously and then walked over to give him a kiss. They were interrupted by Sophie’s shrieks from the backyard.

_“Ooooh! No Ruffles! You don’t! Ruffles!”_

They jogged out the back door and took in the sight of their fluffy white dog tearing in circles around the fenced in yard, clearly having finagled her way out of her leash. Jeff glanced down to see it hanging loosely from the patio post and had a sneaking suspicion Ruffles might have had some assistance, but he considered now was not the time to get into it. He looked back up and shouted apologies to Ellen in her high heels, who was making attempts to corral the furry beast.

X

X

They returned home and settled Mister Flufferstein in her temporary spot on the dining room table, which annoyed Jeff.

“Come on. Where are we supposed to eat?”

“We can’t put her on the floor, Jeff. Ruffles will go crazy.”

“Like she went crazy earlier? I didn’t know a terrier could run like that.”

_“Ruffles loves her new yard. Are we gonna move there? Really? Please Mommy? Daddy?”_

“We’ll see, munchkin. We have to talk to Ellen and work something out. Maybe.”

Annie whispered, “I thought she’d be more upset at the idea of leaving this place. It’s the only home she remembers.”

Perking up her ears, Sophie stood on a dining chair and said, _“I wanna live at the new house, Mommy. It doesn’t have a drawbridge, but it has the best moat.”_

“That’s a backyard, sweetie. Not a moat.”

_“It’s a moat.”_

Jeff grinned and rumpled her curls. He was mentally preparing for the hassle of real estate forms and the offer they’d make on the place. It had been awhile since he had purchased anything, but he remembered ownership gave him a certain pride and satisfaction. Although his old condo would not have been suited to his new family, he did love having a place of his own.

Annie went off to change Sebastian, and his thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating in his jacket pocket. He frowned and took it out, answering it immediately once he saw who was calling.

“Shirley, what is it?”

She never called him in the evenings unless it was important. They had had a few words about her and Andre last week, and he didn’t want to think about what new hell awaited him with that scenario. He was planning to have a stern chat with him on Sunday.

“Jeffrey, I’m so glad I reached you.” Her voice was frantic, and he instantly stood up taller and motioned for Sophie to sit down. 

“Go ahead.”

“It’s awful! My business! Garrett! I still can’t find Pavel!”

There was an odd clacking sound in the background and muffled cries.

Now thoroughly confused, he picked up Sophie and sat down, pulling her onto his lap. She stopped laughing, likely sensing he was upset. He kissed her on her head and whispered to her that everything was okay.

“Shirley, take a deep breath.”

There was a long pause.

“Okay. I’m better.”

“Good. Now explain to me what happened.”

“The cafeteria roof collapsed and spilled thousands of old frisbees through the place, completely overtaking everyone. Garrett’s been sent to the hospital again, and oooh…..” She paused and then said, “Oh!”

There was a rustling sound, and Jeff waited.

“It’s mad plastic-y under there! Hello Shirley!”

“Oh my lord in heaven, thank you! Pavel, you’re alive!”

Jeff closed his eyes and was pretty convinced the rest of his weekend plans were cancelled.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Introduction to Recreational Disk Storage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new face arrives in Greendale

The whole thing was astoundingly ridiculous and more than a little disturbing. It was a scramble to assemble the Beautify Greendale Committee on a Friday night, and of course they had to coordinate with the emergency rescue workers who had been unearthing students in the cafeteria, but by seven they were all in the study room.

Annie called the meeting to order.

“We have a situation, but we will handle it.” She plastered on a manic grin and added, “We’ve been through so much already, and we’ve really turned this school around! We saved Greendale less than two weeks ago! We can’t let this turn of events dampen our spirits.”

She looked up triumphantly, hoping her feigned enthusiasm would be contagious. Instead, she was faced with panicky expressions from Britta and Shirley. The Dean and Dorie were absent, as they were still talking with the building inspector who had been summoned by the emergency crew. She instantly focused on the others, noting a range of constipated grunting to tsking in a British accent, to quiet blankness. Pierce dropped a pencil on the floor and leaned over with a cracking sound and didn’t come back up. Finally she swiveled her attention to Jeff, remembering his swearing in the car on the way over. He had not been in the mood to give a rousing Winger speech, hence she made the decision to try. He was currently pursing his lips and crossing his arms, clearly wound tight, and it did not lend her confidence.

She persisted, “Guys, we’ve been through worse. We can fix this. The inspector will tell us what we need to do.”

“But An-nie, how are we going to clean up this mess? I don’t think any of us know much about codes and safety, and construction work. The sheer amount of time needed, why I…”

She cut Shirley off, “There’s a whole team of us! We can split up tasks, just like we did this past year!” She stood and began to shuffle through a pile of blank stars she had cut out on the way over, not caring that Jeff thought she was a lunatic.

Troy piped in from his spot with the kids near the couches. 

“Hey, if anyone can tell us what to do, it’s Annie.” He smiled broadly as he held Sebastian in his lap and handed Sophie another crayon so she could complete her masterpiece. The baby grabbed at his chin, and Troy continued, “It’s just that, um, and I say this with full confidence in you Annie, but do you know anything about the stuff Shirley just said?” His smile had vanished, and his eyes betrayed more than a hint of low-key panic.

Her chest tightening, Annie tried to rouse herself. Surely building codes and constructions couldn’t be that complicated, right? 

“We’ll all pitch in! We just need to hear from the Dean. I’ll then make a list.”

After an uncomfortable silence, Abed cocked his head and remarked, “Well, Annie is very good with lists.”

Britta thumped her fist on the table and declared, “Yeah! We’re the Beautify Greendale Committee! We can handle this!”

Various murmurs of agreement echoed throughout the room and Annie instantly felt calmer. She glanced at Jeff, and he was even softening his expression. 

He piped in, “Of course, you’re right. We ‘ve got this. Annie, thank you for giving the Winger speech I was incapable of tonight.” 

“Awww, you’re welcome.” She blushed and sat back down, now feeling ready to be decisive. She just had to obtain a hint of direction first.

He continued, “You’ll make the list like you always do, just as soon as we hear from the Dean.”

As if on cue, the door swung open, and the Dean and Dorie stood there, completely pale.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do, guys! The situation’s _terrible!_ The school is literally falling apart at the seams! And the rafters!”

The Dean limped in for some reason and threw himself completely on the study room table, arms splayed. As he lay motionless, all eyes went to Dorie. She was clutching a clipboard to her chest, her teeth repeatedly moving over her lip, and Annie knew it was not good news.

With an arched brow, she asked, “Dorie, can you please fill us in on what the inspector said?”

Jeff jumped up to grab a chair, and his mother shooed him away and maintained her firm stance, so he slowly sat back down while exchanging alarmed looks with Annie.

Dorie cleared her throat and then explained, “Dears, I’m afraid as your Dean has implied, we have an uphill road. There’s quite a bit to this project, and I’m out of my depth, as is your Dean.”

“Mom, we can call Borchardt.”

“Jeffrey, it’s not that neat of a problem. There needs to be a full crew here to manage the debris, asbestos, supporting beams, and the new sub-lair that was discovered under Shirley’s Sandwiches. Someone’s clearly been living down there, and frankly I don’t think any of us care at this point who, but we need to at least make it look like we don’t know.” She gulped, and then tightened a close-lipped smile.

They all muttered their understanding, and Annie felt her pulse quickening even more at all of the complacent reactions.

She shrieked, “Guys! Of course we care if someone's been squatting!”

The Dean muttered through sobs as he continued to lie face down on the table, “Do we? Oh come on Annie, this is Greendale.”

She frantically turned to Jeff, and he once again crossed his arms and let out a low whistle.

He muttered, “There’s asbestos. This is a potential legal nightmare.”

“Legal? So you can fix this then?” She was nodding vigorously at him.

He let out a long sigh. “I can help, but I don’t know where to begin with the logistics. We need serious expertise.”

Being the opposite of expertise, Richie and Carl stuck their heads in the doorway and, at seeing the Dean flat down on the table, snarled in disgust.

“Craig! We have to discuss something with you! Get with it!” Carl snapped his fingers with impatience.

Dorie, Jeff, and Britta somehow peeled the Dean off the table and managed to stand him upright. He smiled sheepishly at everyone before licking his palm and then wiping it over some non-existent hair on the side of his head. 

Feigning disinterest, he said, “Yes?”

Carl rolled his eyes and barked, “Craig! Now!” and motioned for him to follow. 

Bowing his head, the Dean said, “I’m sorry guys, but I um, have to go. I’ll be back, and don’t worry about a thing.” He and Dorie then walked out solemnly.

The rest of the gang stared around the table, and Annie felt the depression begin.

“Can someone help me up?” 

Buzz groaned and went over to help Pierce under the table.

X

X

Jeff tried, he really did. He managed to reach across and give Annie a hand squeeze, and she had accepted it. As everyone else mumbled amongst themselves, he whispered, “I’ll talk to Borchardt. We’ll see how much money is needed, and my guess is Richie and Carl have something up their slimy sleeves.”

She nodded and whispered back, “I hope they don’t fire the Dean.”

Due to his incredible Bat-hearing, Abed tensed and then said, “Fire? No, that won’t do.” Everyone stopped speaking as Abed continued, “While the Dean is clearly inept, he’s the heart of campus. He made sure we all got here and stayed at Greendale, even when it perhaps made more sense for us to start spinning off.” His brow furrowed and his eyes widened slightly, which concerned everyone.

At this, Shirley bristled and said, “Now, spinning off wouldn’t be entirely so bad, now would it?”

Abed studied her for a few seconds and then said, “You don’t seem sad that your sandwich shop is under a mile of frisbees and asbestos.”

She laced her fingers on the table and shook her head. With a lilt in her voice not befitting the situation, she remarked, “Why of course I’m sad, Abed. I just don’t see the necessity of making a fuss when clearly everyone else is so upset.”

Jeff started to wonder if there was any chance that she would change her mind about the thing that likely only he suspected and they hadn’t yet spoken about, but there was a sinking in his gut and he sensed Abed felt the same.

Abed frowned, and then Troy piped in from the couches.

“I wasn’t going to be able to finish my prep for the next dance recital anyway. The underground lair pushes toward the auditorium, and Professor Garrity says if we go down there the stage might collapse. So um, maybe I’ll take Penelope up on her offer to help me figure out that daycare idea.” He shrugged but appeared relatively unfazed and then turned his attention to poking a delighted Sebastian on his nose.

Abed’s eyes widened with worry.

“You’re going to work on something with Penelope? But she works for Jeff.”

Troy bopped Sebastian’s nose again, which elicited hearty chuckles, and lazily explained, “Yeah, but her nana has experience with taking care of a couple kids at their house. She has a limited license. So we thought, why not have me and nana team up?”

Abed shook his head. 

“No.”

“I’m sorry, what? You don’t get to say that, Abed.” Troy glowered and seemed genuinely annoyed.

Sophie, apparently picking up on the tension and not as absorbed in her coloring book as perhaps everyone thought, looked up and said, _“Troy, don’t fight with Abed. Help me color. And I’m hungry. Let’s get ice cream.”_

Annie huffed, “Sweetie, no ice cream tonight. And you had dinner just a half hour ago. You’re not hungry.”

Sophie scrunched up her face in defiance, and it matched Troy’s. They both began muttering, and then the rest of the committee started grumbling, likely still unable to process their anxiety.

Realizing he needed to take charge after all, Jeff groaned, “Guys. Stop.” He made the cutting gesture, and everyone quieted.

Now pleased at the return to sanity, he added, “Let’s just wait. Or, maybe let’s go home. It’s been a day. We can reconvene on Monday. Summer school doesn’t start until Tuesday, but I’m sure we can pull out a miracle sometime between now and then. I will be looking up case law in asbestos removal.”

Everyone nodded and grumbled about that being a sensible idea, and Jeff wondered if he should take them all out for ice cream before deciding that was an expensive idea. He may be less financially strapped now, but he still needed to prioritize the downpayment on their dreamhouse.

They all started to rise when the Dean came floating back in the room, an impeccably dressed shiny brunette with a briefcase right behind him. Dorie trailed, her expression one of resignation that Jeff knew all too well she had when she was silently judgy.

The Dean shouted, “Say hello to new Annie!”

“What?!?” Annie squeaked.

“Just kidding. This is Francesca Dart.” He turned toward the brunette and gestured to her to step forward, which she did.

  
  


X

X

Within minutes, it was established that Francesca, otherwise known as Frankie, would be working as an administrative consultant to help clean up the mess. Apparently she had a background in problem-solving through the stickiest of situations and had already saved a bunch of community colleges in California. Jeff had needed to scrounge up a chair for her, and the Dean quickly excused himself and Dorie to head back to his office under the guise that he was expecting an important phone call. Jeff didn’t buy it for a minute and knew he was avoiding Annie’s death stare.

Annie was definitely not happy. The Dean’s ‘joke’ had hit a little too close to home, and she was eyeing Frankie’s plain black binder with the fury that would likely lead to a non-sexy time night without sleep. Jeff gave her a slight smile, but she would barely meet his gaze.

After making a condescending speech about Greendale growing up and becoming a better version of itself, Frankie concluded, “In terms of hierarchy, I’m a big believer in it. Someone needs to say I’m in charge, and that person is me. That’s my decision.” She paused and scanned the group before adding, “That doesn’t mean that we don’t work together, but all communication and decisions go through me. I’ll send out an email later to set up our next meeting.”

The silence was filled with tension, but Frankie appeared not to notice. Jeff was torn between being slightly relieved that someone with experience was tapped to coordinate all the likely tedious details that were clearly above Annie’s head and being very conscious of the fact that his lady was furious and that everyone in the room seemed a little more despondent for some reason. Frankie Dart appeared to have the ability to suck spirit out of the room, even if up until an hour ago that spirit had been wavering. The group was now composed of more somber and serious faces, and even Abed was staring at Frankie with more than a hint of concern.

The exception to all of this was Troy of course, who now bounced in his seat. He exclaimed, “Awesome. Thanks, Frankie!”

Suddenly Frankie snapped her head in Troy’s direction, for he had been silent throughout her various speeches so far. Her eyes landed on the baby grabbing at Troy’s shirt and then at Sophie standing on the couch.

 _“Hi Frankie! I’m Sophie! And this is Troy! And this is my baby brother Sebastian!”_ Sophie was waving wildly and practically screeching in delight at meeting a new person.

Frankie’s polished smile froze and she then turned back to the group and took a deep breath before the rapid fire exclamations.

“Who are those children? Why are they here? Why is there a man who I assume is a committee member over there and not at this table? And why was I not warned?”

Abed rapidly nodded and said, “Nice.” He then added, “I know it might be alarming, and frankly when Sophie first showed up I was more than a little concerned,” he glanced over at Sophie and gave her a thumbs up as he continued, “but she’s actually, and I say this with no exaggeration whatsoever, one of the most astute members of our group. She was also the muse for my first film. Thanks, Sophie.”

_“I thank you, Abed.”_

“Sophie sweetie, please sit down. We don’t stand on chairs.” 

_“No, Mommy, I stand cause I can’t see. There’s a new lady, and she’s funny. And really pretty. She looks like you!”_

Annie flushed with what Jeff assumed was anger rather than embarrassment and turned to Frankie as he sighed and decided to take care of the munchkin situation. He stood and made his way toward the couches, gesturing for Sophie to sit down, and she obeyed with a flurry of giggles.

With an edge to her voice, Annie explained, “Frankie, these are mine and Jeff’s children, Sophie and Sebastian. And Troy is a member of the committee and was gracious enough to keep them occupied while we met tonight.”

Frankie nodded her understanding and glanced over at Jeff before she asked, “Isn’t it a bit late for them to be here? Do you always bring them to committee meetings? I have a strict no children policy, although to be honest it is more implied, as it has never been an issue before.”

Now even more flustered, Annie sputtered, “No, but it was an emergency. We didn’t have a choice.”

Oblivious, Troy called out, “Hey now, Sophie comes to a lot of meetings, when she can. And Sebastian, my little man is usually around. Remember, you need to feed him? Speaking of, um we have a situation because I don’t have any boobs.”

Jeff cringed and reached over for the squirt and Troy quickly handed him over. He began to cry, and at his rejection of a pacifier, it was instantly clear that he was in need of his mother. 

Sophie leaned forward on her chair and placed her head in her hands, her eyelids drooping. She said, _“I’m tired, Daddy. And I want some ice cream. Let’s go get some, okay?”_

“Not now, munchkin.”

_“Daddy….”_

Jeff silently berated himself for agreeing to bring the kids, wondering if they could have rustled up Lacey or Nancy to help out, or hell even Annie’s mother or brother. They hadn’t been thinking that clearly when they came by, and Annie had been practically manic.

He ran his free hand quickly through Sophie’s curls and mumbled some reassurance while he looked toward Annie. She stood and held out her arms, so he quickly made his way to her, handing her a now squealing Sebastian, and she sat down and whipped out the boob.

Frankie stared as Sebastian latched on, and said, “Now, really. This is….unexpected.”

“He’ll be fine. He’s just hungry.” Annie’s attention was fixed on the baby, and her expression was almost absent-minded.

_“Mommy, I want some ice cream. Please?”_

A rising impatience and realization that Sophie was likely more tired than hungry, Jeff called out as he sat back down, “Munchkin, give us a few minutes.”

_“And then I get ice cream?!?”_

Jeff groaned, and made the silent cutting gesture, and Sophie and Troy instantly looked crestfallen. He squinted at them and then turned his attention back to the table, where Frankie was regarding the baby, her brow crinkled in thought.

Annie glanced up and bristled as she said, “Yes, I am a working mother, and before you came here, I was head of this committee,” she paused and added, “Sorry, Jeff,” before continuing, “and I had everything under control.”

Frankie nodded. “Clearly you do.”

Annie stared at her, and the tension was heavy. Jeff made the tactical decision to butt in.

“Frankie, weren’t you adjourning? I think that’s an excellent idea. And obviously we need to get the kids home. We’ll see you at the next meeting.”

Now seemingly having recovered from her distress, Frankie replied, “Yes, of course. Let’s do that. I’ll get to work on some things tonight.”

Annie asked with a hopeful edge in her voice, “Tonight?”

Jeff could tell she was tempted, and he instantly squashed it. With a pointed stare, he said, “Annie. The kids. We need to go home. I’m sure Frankie can handle it.”

“Right, yes, of course.” She smiled guiltily, and Frankie narrowed her eyes slightly as she noticed the interaction, but didn’t remark on it.

Instead, Frankie said, “Yes, I have big plans. I’m going to tour the school. Maybe it would help if one of the faculty assisted.” She opened her binder and looked at something before she lifted her head and asked, “Which one of you is Professor Ian Duncan?”

Ian frowned and replied, “Speaking.”

“Oh good. You will assist me this evening. I don’t expect it will last longer than nine. I have to get my bearings, you see. And I’ve already been instructed not to disturb Professor Buzz Hickey, whom it did not fail to escape my notice left about twenty minutes ago. I heard the grunts. Dean Craig Pelton informs me he is the partner of his assistant, Miss Doreen Winger.” She paused and then added, “Winger.” She glanced at Jeff. “You said earlier that you’re Jeffrey Winger.”

“She’s my mom.”

“Right.” She looked between Jeff and Annie and said, “And you have children together. So there has been quite a bit of mixing on this committee, I see.”

Everyone felt the judgement, but then part of Jeff wasn’t sure if that was completely correct. Frankie had an odd demeanor, and he was wondering if she were merely stating her understanding of facts, but it was difficult to discern the difference.

Britta lifted her nose slightly and said with more than a tinge of defensiveness, “You can’t have Ian tonight. He and I have dinner plans. We promised we’d pick up Kevin and take him to Uncle Rusty’s before heading to a movie.”

Snapping into mode, Abed asked, “What movie are you guys seeing? Because Troy and I might be interested, or we might just go back to our place if it’s stupid.”

Britta groaned, “I wanted to get away from you guys tonight. You always make so much noise! It doesn’t matter that my bedroom is across the apartment. You guys have no regard for others. That’s why I’m finally moving in with Ian.”

Ian interjected, “Now love, I think Kevin might be a little too excited to have such an intense evening. He was caught up in the frisbee incident, and he’s been bouncing off the walls. I gave him a stress ball and left him in my office before this meeting, but I’m more than a tad concerned he’ll try to eat it.”

Frankie, who had been briskly moving her head amongst the various speakers, asked “So you two have a child too?”

Rolling her eyes, Britta explained, “Oh no, Kevin isn’t our kid. He’s Ian’s roommate. But he went through psychosis-induced amnesia a couple years ago, after we found him flat down on the floor with a salami in his face. He used to be our Spanish teacher.”

Jeff cringed as Frankie made the fascinating tactical decision to ignore half of what Britta had just said. He watched in wonder and tried not to feel Annie’s piercing eyes on him.

Frankie addressed Britta, “I see. But you two are involved?”

“Yeah.”

Frankie jotted down a few things before she addressed Ian.

“I’m sorry you have dinner plans, but I could really use your assistance tonight. Miss Britta Perry can see you at nine.”

Ian stared ahead, a twitch in his mouth forming. “Righty.”

Britta shouted, “Hey!”

Likely feeling completely ignored, Pierce raised his hand, “I’d be more than happy to show you around, Frankinson Dart Sweater.” He was firmly addressing Frankie’s chest.

Frankie tapped her pen and said, “I see we will have to make a lot of changes around here.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Intermediate Structural Foundations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff does his best to take care of his family

It had been a rough night, but eventually they had gone to bed. Jeff hadn’t known what to do, as Annie had been livid at the introduction of Frankie and her presumptuousness. Although he hadn’t dared mention it, he sensed that Sophie’s comment about Frankie and Annie resembling one another had hit a nerve. Annie, newly bound at home with the kids for the summer, was concerned about being replaced. 

He considered his own feelings on the addition of Frankie, and he realized that he hadn’t yet fully formed them. It was great that she seemed strong and knowledgeable, as certainly Greendale could use someone like her after the frisbee incident, the cleanup of the Borchardt lab, and dealing with the asshats known as Richie and Carl. As much as he knew Annie could have handled it had she had endless time, it wasn’t practical that she would devote herself to the task.

But then there was the fact that Frankie didn’t seem to like having the kids around, which was starting to get under Jeff’s skin. Their children were Greendale fixtures at this point, and the Dean’s warm welcoming of them had been a key point in Jeff agreeing to teach summer school. He frowned as he considered that Frankie’s reach might extend beyond the current crisis. She had already ordered Ian into being her tour-bitch and was steamrolling over the Dean.

Not that he wanted to catastrophize. He had been working on that in a lot of domains, so he took a deep breath and reminded himself that not everything was as awful as it might initially seem. Frankie could be good for Greendale, as an adult would finally be in charge, and he and Annie could perhaps start to let go. He twinged at the thought, which surprised him.

_“Daddy, what’s wrong with Mommy?”_

He turned to see Sophie climbing onto her dining chair, her face contorted with effort. He slid it out and pushed her just a tad, knowing she liked to do things herself. She smiled and then plopped down completely onto the cushion that they placed so that she could see above the table. He carefully slid Mister Flufferstein’s cage off to the far end of the table, wondering about the sanitary issues involved but making the tactical decision to figure that out later.

He gave her a sympathetic look and then turned to adjust Sebastian’s bib as the baby waited for his breakfast. 

“Mommy’s okay, she’s just upset about something at school. There’s nothing wrong, and she’ll be fine.”

He hoped that was true and cast a glance down the hallway toward the bedroom, where Annie was still in bed. She had exhausted herself last night with rants about Frankie after the kids had gone to sleep, and he had done his best to listen and reassure her, but he had sensed that she had only wanted to vent. He had given her Sebastian to nurse early in the morning and then she had passed out again, but he was hopeful she’d be back to her hypomanic self in no time. They needed to put in an offer on the house.

He turned his attention back to Sebastian and grabbed the spoon of mashed bananas. The squirt was grinning and making guttural noises, which was pretty adorable. So far, Jeff hadn’t gotten sick of feeding him solids, as the joy on his son’s face was worth all the mess. He had started in on the bananas within the past month and Jeff was hopeful this would open up more opportunities for him to be involved in his feeding and take pressure off Annie. Plus, he had missed out on Sophie’s earlier culinary adventures, and that made him more than a little sad.

_“Daddy, can I do it?”_

Sophie was now standing on her chair and reaching across the table for the spoon, and although he knew he was supposed to discipline her or something, he decided to let it go. It was too much effort and she was so damn cute he just didn’t have the heart. He cast a quick glance to make sure Annie wasn’t nearby and then shoved the spoon in her hand.

“Just be careful, and um, sit down.”

_“I can’t reach him.”_

“Yeah, okay, just don’t wiggle too much. You got this?”

_“Yeah, Daddy. Oooh Sebastian, you will like this. You will like this so much. Daddy, get the Nutella.”_

“We are not feeding him Nutella. I don’t even know why Troy got you that, it’s just chocolate in a jar, and there are no nuts as far as I can tell.”

_“Mister Flufferstein would like some.”_

He gave her a pointed stare and continued it as she glanced down at Ruffles, who was pawing her foot and whining. He silently mouthed ‘No’ to her first and second implied request.

She pouted, but his chest swelled with pride as she delicately moved the spoon toward Sebsatian’s mouth and the baby gobbled up about half of it, letting the rest drool down his chin. Jeff dabbed it with a napkin, but he kind of knew it was pointless, at least in this stage of breakfast. 

_“Mmmmmmm!”_

He snapped a pic of the hobgoblins with his phone and posted it with the caption, ‘Starting the day right, Edison-Winger style.’ He smiled and then opened up his email to send off a message to the realtor, stating they would like to make an offer on the house and would call her in an hour. He knew deadlines were highly motivating to Annie. He then glanced back at the pic.

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir like this.

X

X

He entered the bedroom with some apprehension. Annie was still in bed, but her eyes were open, and she was lying there looking pretty miserable. With a sigh, he sat down.

“You wanna talk about it?”

She sniffed, her eyes sporting pink rings.

He persisted, “Come on, everything’s gonna be fine. She’s just a new person, and she’ll just do some stuff, and then she’ll move on from Greendale. Honestly, we could use someone to figure out that cafeteria roof situation.”

“Do you really think she’ll leave soon?”

“Absolutely. Greendale’s an acquired taste, and I get the feeling that she doesn’t really understand it or, for that matter, appreciate it.”

That seemed to make her feel better, and she scooted so she was sitting up and leaned back on the headboard.

She sniffed again and said, “You’re right, she’s not going to last. She doesn’t understand Greendale. And really, not many people can put up with the Dean, as well-intentioned as he is. He couldn’t replace me, so he had to hire your mom. And really, she’s just trying her best, and that’s because she’s your mom.”

He knew she was trying to avoid dissing his mom and at the same time the only person Annie could have remotely accepted as her replacement had been her. The addition of Frankie was something neither of them had foreseen.

“I know, so don’t worry about it, okay. I think we should focus on other matters today, on things we actually have control over and might be exciting.”

She frowned. 

“Greendale’s exciting, Jeff. In fact, I was thinking of going over there this morning to just see if I can help. After all, Frankie doesn’t know how things work and the Dean will be hysterical. Really, would you mind watching the kids by yourself for a little while? I’ll just be a few hours.” She threw the sheet off the bed and stood, making her way toward the closet.

He groaned and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and gently but firmly turning her to face him. She looked up with an expression of vague fury with a hint of apology. It was a particular Edelstein countenance, and he knew the only recourse was to be firm.

“Annie, you’re not going over there. Let Frankie handle this, and let’s call Ellen and make an offer on our dream house.”

The resulting silence filled him with some hope that she would relent. She shifted her eyes down and bit her lip as she thought through his words. 

He added, “You know I’m right.”

“Jeff, don’t make this more difficult for me than it needs to be.”

There was the hint of a smile, and he pulled her to his chest and inhaled the scent of her faded strawberry shampoo. He should have known better than to drive home his rationality at this point, as she always liked to be the one making the decisions. But the longer he held her, the more she was relaxing. 

There was a muffled, “I really want that house.”

He pet her hair and mused, “Me too. And it’s a much better use of our time today. We can check on Greendale later, okay?”

She nodded into his shirt, and he kissed her head. She then moved back and stared up at him, her expression now skeptical.

“Jeff, where are the kids?”

He shrugged and she swatted him.

“Oh fine. I may have left them watching The Little Mermaid. The squirt’s in the cagepen with his bear, and Sophie was insistent that she wasn’t going to spring him from prison, so I think we’re okay for a few minutes.”

“Awww, she is such a good big sister.”

“I may have also bribed her with some Nutella. But it was either that or she’d have swiped it from the cabinets anyway.”

With an arched brow, she said, “I suppose we can indulge her a little. She’s been such a good sport.”

“Right. And she really wants that moat.”

Annie chuckled and pulled him toward the bed, where they plopped down and for a second he thought he was going to get lucky. He glanced toward the open door, and she swatted him again.

“Let’s talk about our offer and then call Ellen.”

“Excellent.”

X

X

It was a little while later that morning, and they had gotten the kids dressed and ready for the day, which so far had been planned as a trip to the playground followed by some errands and then lunch with Dorie, Buzz, and Holly, who was touring the rental house. While he kind of wanted a quieter day at home, Jeff knew Annie and the kids were restless and he did kind of want to see his cousin and keep an eye on Sam. The thought of them living closer was filling him with something that he hadn’t anticipated even a couple years ago, and he sensed he needed to further step up his parenting game. He was still getting used to having a son of his own, but was finding that little boys maybe weren’t that different from little girls. He had given Thanos that same advice on numerous occasions as he navigated baby Maria, but maybe he needed to really absorb it for himself. 

He stared down at an independently seated Sebastian, who was wearing a checkered onesie, bright blue sweatpants, and matching checkered socks. He smiled up with pure adoration, and Jeff suspected his expression matched. 

“Hey squirt, you’re looking fierce in your threads.”

 _“Goooooo!”_ Followed by copious amounts of drool down the chubby cheeks, which Jeff instantly wiped. 

He crouched in front of the cagepen, placed a kiss on his forehead, and then stayed for a moment to smell him. He had been into smelling heads for the past few years, ever since he had first gotten a whiff of Annie’s hair when they had spent the night in a couch confessional and also when he had held Sophie on one particular occasion and she had placed her little head on his shoulder. He couldn’t quite describe the scent of his children, but they both possessed something similar and he’d know it from anywhere. 

He picked up the baby, using his free arm to grab the bear, which was still dressed in its purple dress. So far it had still just been ‘bear,’ and he wondered why Sophie was so imaginative with her other furry creatures, both stuffed or real, and kept such basic names for the bears. Sebastian promptly chomped down to gum on the ear, and Jeff stood and closed his eyes as he attempted to be in the moment.

He felt something wrap around his leg and smirked.

“What says you, munchkin?”

_“Mommy says you’re supposed to come with me, she has news!”_

Hoping it had nothing to do with Greendale, he opened his eyes and followed Sophie to the bedroom, where Annie was hopping up and down, her face giddy, as she held her phone.

“Jeff! They accepted our offer! We’re getting the house!”

X

X

The Edison-Wingers were all in good moods once they arrived at his mother’s house. They greeted Dorie, Buzz, Holly, and the kids, and then had lunch, sharing the news of the accepted offer.

“That’s wonderful, dears. Why, you’ll be living so close.”

His mother was giving him one of those pointed looks that he knew was her attempt to clarify, since he had been so adamant about not living that close to her. It had been surprising what he had been allowing himself to consider over the past few months, ever since Sebastian was born actually. The thought of having his mom nearby was making more sense to him, yet he still wanted to keep a healthy buffer so as not to spoil the good things that had been happening in their relationship.

“It’s not a done deal yet. We still have to go through the inspection.”

“Oh, that’s just a formality. The house is a-ma-zing!” Annie clapped and hopped in her seat.

Holly grinned and then said, “That’s awesome, guys. We loved the house Ellen showed us this morning, didn't we Sam?”

Instead, Braden answered, _“Yeah! Cool house!”_

“Sam?”

The kid glanced up from his mac and cheese and shrugged. Holly exchanged looks with Annie and Jeff and then addressed him again.

“I think we should live there. And you know, Sophie and her parents will be around the corner. You can see them more often, and you and Sophie will go to the same school.”

At this, Sam perked up and looked at Sophie, who was nodding excitedly.

 _“And you get to meet Mister Flufferstein! She’s sad right now because she’s at home alone,”_ Sophie shot Annie and Jeff a glare for some reason and then continued, _“She’s furry and brown and white and she needs more friends. Ruffles can’t play with her because she’ll eat her. Don’t eat my guinea pig, Sam.”_

Jeff choked back a laugh as Sam seemed to ponder this information for a full millisecond before he began Annie-clapping.

 _“I love guinea pigs! And I love your dog!”_ Sam addressed his mother, _“Really? We can live right near Sophie?!? And Uncle Jeff?”_ The last part was added in a slightly lower volume.

Jeff exchanged looks with Holly and leaned forward to address Sam fully.

“Hey buddy, yeah, we’re going to be neighbors. You can come over whenever you want.”

_“Me too?”_

“Yes, Braden, you too.”

Sam smiled, and Braden slid under the table as Ruffles woofed.

Jeff’s heart swelled, and he considered that he normally wouldn’t have extended the free for all access offer but it felt right to do so given the circumstances. Seeing Sam ecstatically happy for the first time in forever made him want to cry. Instead, he winked at him and then turned toward the murmur of Buzz and Annie’s voices while sticking his hand under the table to feel for the blond three year old whom he was now apparently calling by his actual name.

“So I know a guy, he can do it.”

“Really? That would be so helpful. I don’t really know where to start.”

Jeff broke in, “Know what guy?” 

Buzz regarded him with one of his annoying indulging expressions that Jeff wasn’t sure if he should read as humor or thinly-veiled irritation/pity. Once again, he made the choice to interpret it as humor. It was easier that way.

Buzz grunted and replied, “A guy. He’d be useful.”

Jeff nodded and tightened his smile before peeking under the table and locking eyes with Braden. He gave a pointed stare, and the kid quickly shoved a piece of bread in Ruffles’ mouth and then darted out toward the living room.

As the kids all squealed and the dogs barked, Jeff sat upright and turned his attention back to Annie, figuring he’d let his mom and Holly sort that mess.

She sighed and explained, “Buzz knows someone who inspects houses. Since we need to have someone look over the house, perhaps his friend can do it?”

Jeff smiled again and tapped her knee, hoping she’d take a hint that he wanted to stay far away from Buzz and his ‘friends.’ Although Buzz claimed he was a former police detective, Jeff continued to get the impression that he ran with some shady people and had fairly dubious methods. Either their local police department was completely corrupt or Buzz was being cagey on purpose. Again, he never knew what to take seriously.

Annie placed her hand over his on her knee and asked, “Um, Buzz, is your friend an actual house inspector? Like officially?”

Buzz shrugged as he buttered his bread and said, “He inspects.”

Jeff cleared his throat, and Buzz glanced up at him, the corners of his mouth lifting almost imperceptibly.

“Thanks. We’ll take it under consideration.”

“I know another guy who might be useful with the Greendale situation, but apparently that Frankie’s got it all figured out. If she’s not careful, she’s gonna have trouble.” 

He promptly took a hearty bite out of his bread and began chomping away.

Dorie broke the tension by announcing, “I should share the news that Troy called right before lunch, so I invited him over for dessert in about an hour.”

Annie beamed as Jeff scrunched up his face and turned toward his mom.

“Just Troy? And why is he calling you?”

Completely avoiding his second question, she replied, “Yes, dear. He sounded lonely.”

  
  


X

X

After lunch, they let the kids and dogs play in the backyard with Buzz, and Jeff had a chat with Holly while his mother and Annie cleaned up the kitchen.

“You liked the house?”

Holly nodded as she pet a sleeping Sebastian’s hair as he laid in her arms, having fallen asleep mere minutes ago. So far she hadn’t been wanting to put him upstairs in the crib, and Jeff wasn't that eager to push it. Watching his son sleep was one of his joyful pleasures these days. The rising and falling of his little chest was a damn miracle.

His eyes left the squirt, and he met Holly’s.

“He’s really precious, Jeff.”

“Thanks. I hope he and your kids will be good friends.”

“I’m sure they will be. I don’t think Sam’s that jealous anymore, now that he knows he’ll get to see you more often. And Braden’s pretty laid back, as you know.” She paused and then added, “By the way, I’m not going to just drop them off all the time. I know you like boundaries.”

He caught her tentative smirk, and he mirrored it.

Absentmindedly petting one of the cats that had slunk up on him, he said, “Holly, it’s fine. Plus, we’ll have to handle the school situation. You work in Denver, so um, I guess Annie or I will pick the kids up. Sam can hang with Sophie for a little while.” He frowned as he added, “Of course Braden’s probably in daycare or something? I suppose…”

\--”Jeff, we’ll figure it out later. I’m just hoping your inspection goes through.”

“Oh that. I have a guy lined up who inspected Mark’s house. I called him right after lunch, and he says he can do it Monday.”

“So you’re not going to use Buzz’s guy?”

“Holly, please.”

They chuckled and were kind of having a moment before Annie came bursting into the room. She was about to announce something when she spied Sebastian sleeping and then placed her hand over her mouth.

Jeff whispered, “What is it?”

She almost skipped over to him and sat down. In a lowered voice and vibrating with energy, she replied, “Abed texted me. He’s at Greendale with Frankie.”

Jeff nodded and considered that made sense. Abed had appeared intensely worried yesterday, and he did always like to have his pulse on the latest Greendale happenings. He’d imagine Frankie was too much of a character for him to hold off for too long in bugging her.

“What did he say?”

“He says he’s helping her.”

Jeff’s brows rose.

“I know, I was surprised too. His text seemed odd.”

“Annie.”

“Odder than usual. He mentioned he needed to get back to emailing Diane. I have no idea who that is.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

He knew she was going to say it before she did.

“Jeff, I was thinking he could use my help. You know, just to make sure everything is going okay. Apparently, there’s a lot to do with the mess.”

“Annie.”

Holly, who up until now had been watching them with curiosity, broke in, “Guys, as much as I like Abed, he’s really strange to work with. I’d imagine he’s driving this Frankie person more than a little bonkers.”

Jeff rolled his eyes at her, and she and Annie exchanged knowing looks.

“Oh, fine. I’ll figure something out with the kids, but please, don’t stay out all night.”

“I’ll be back to feed Sebastian later. Please tell him I miss him.”

Jeff felt himself softening, for he knew he owed Annie big time. Ever since the squirt’s birth, he had been filled with awe for her, and he also had been feeling more than a little guilty that she couldn’t throw herself into Greendale as much lately. She was right that this Frankie stuff was more than a little troubling. Perhaps he needed to revise his assessment.

Plus, focused and intense Annie was more than a little hot.

Holly said, “Cheer up, Jeff, you can hang out with me.”

“All right, fine.”

Annie kissed him, and he mumbled into her lips, “Remember, we have the Bennetts tomorrow.”

She pulled back and said, “I won’t forget, silly. We have to help Shirley and Andre stay together. I know you’ll be very persuasive.”

Internally, Jeff cringed a little but decided now was not the time to get into it. Annie needed to do her thing, and she’d be back. He had the feeling that she’d be doing a lot of this in their upcoming years together and he’d have to cultivate patience. 

A few minutes later, Holly and Annie had taken Sebastian upstairs to nap, and he had wandered into the kitchen to help his mom with the rest of the dishes, just like old times.

“This is so nice, dear.” 

She craned her neck to look into the backyard and then smiled. Jeff followed her gaze and was reassured that Buzz seemed to be more than a little occupied and was shouting something to the hobgoblins while cranking the hose.

“He’s still planning on building Sophie a new treehouse.”

“Ah, he doesn’t have to do that.”

“He wants to. You should see how excited he gets about it.”

“That would be interesting to see.”

His mother patted his arm and said, “I’m glad you came over to give him a distraction. He’s been very upset about this Frankie Dart situation. He says he’s dropping off the Beautify Greendale Committee.”

“I kinda figured since he left early last night.”

“He says he’s going rogue, dear.”

She was looking up at him with a worried expression. He startled and was about to ask more when he felt his phone buzz. Smiling apologetically, he grabbed it and read the text.

[Big Cheddar]: I’m so sorry to bother you but I could use a talk.

The hairs on the back of his neck now standing, he quickly excused himself and went down the hall and sat down in what he assumed was Buzz’s office. He barely registered the various crime and blood splatter books and elk head on the wall as he called Shirley.

“Hey.”

She was sniffling, and it was more than a little unnerving.

“Oh Jeffrey, I just don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll kill him.”

There was a pause, and then Shirley stated with a clipped tone, “This is not about Andre.”

Frowning, Jeff leaned forward on the desk, shoving aside a huge binder labeled “Supporting Beams” in dark red ink. 

“Sorry. What’s wrong?”

Shirley sniffed again and then explained, “It’s my father. He’s had a stroke and now the doctors say he’s also in renal failure.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.”

He hadn’t realized Shirley still had a father, as he had only met her mother a couple times and of course he knew her sister Lacey. She hadn’t ever mentioned her father, so he had kind of assumed he was already dead. He let out a soft sigh as he recognized his relief that at least Andre hadn’t done something awful to her and then instantly felt guilty that he had that thought.

She choked a sob and said, “It’s a terrible situation. The doctors say he has about six months.”

“Wow, that’s hard.”

“He needs someone to take care of him. He doesn’t have any money for a nursing home, and I really don’t want him to be alone through this, despite everything.”

Her tone had changed on that last part, and Jeff instantly recognized that Shirley likely also had serious father issues. He inwardly groaned at his disappointment in that, wanting at least one person he knew to have had a better experience.

“Everything?”

“He wasn’t always the most kind. That’s why he and my mama split up. But he’s softened in his old age, despite what Lacey says. And I just couldn’t forgive myself if he were to leave this world without any family.”

Jeff nodded to himself, recognizing that he wasn’t in a place to judge her. He’d never help Bill Winger if he were to show his face again, but that was his decision. Shirley’s Sandwiches was under a pile of frisbees with no foreseeable reopening and Shirley had been eerily okay with that yesterday. He remembered her comments about ‘spinning off,’ and considered this might be it.

“So you’re going to take care of him? Like move in?”

“I think so, but Andre’s being very hard on me about it.”

Jeff groaned and said, “Well, that’s too bad. He can suck it up and let you do this, take care of your father. And I know you and Andre needed some space anyway, so maybe it’s good timing, not that this situation isn’t terrible, but you can just live across town or something and then you and Andre can figure out your relationship once your father passes.” He added, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that to sound crass.”

She sighed and said, “I understand what you meant, and I’m not offended.” There was a long pause during which Jeff began to feel a knot forming in his stomach, and it was rapidly clenching. He tried to ignore it, but it persisted. 

“My father lives in Atlanta.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Survey of Mourning Rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirley says goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write this chapter during the pandemic and while my city is burning. Literally burning as well as metaphorically, or shall we say the suppressed fires of hundreds of years of understandable rage are unleashed and police respond in not helpful ways. I’m tired, I’m sad, and my head hurts. Anyway, time for fanfic. The resulting chapter might be a little sadder as the result of my current state.

Annie didn’t know what to do, which was an unwelcome and unfamiliar feeling. Ever since she had returned from her latest Greendale adventure, which she admitted to herself was more than a little deflating due to Frankie’s attitude, Jeff had been irritable and distant. At first she assumed he was miffed at her for running off to campus and leaving him with the kids, but at her probing he had been adamant that he actually had a good time with his family and that Sophie and Sebastian had been well-behaved. She had then inquired about him feeling a sense of missing out, and he had gotten testy with her and barked something about not wanting to get into the fantasy land of Greendale right now given there were more pressing concerns. It was then that he had finally fessed up and recounted his conversation with Shirley.

She was surprised and troubled by the news, but Jeff was distraught. He wasn’t putting it into words, but his quietness and stern expression clued her in that he was having difficulty in accepting it. He had a fitful night of sleep and he wouldn’t let her comfort him. In the morning, he was even more grumpy as they fed the kids breakfast in anticipation of going over to the Bennett house as originally planned.

As she wiped Sebastian’s mouth to get off the sweet potato mash, she cast Jeff a wary look and ventured, “Do you think we should go over there today? Maybe Shirley and Andre need some time alone to figure this all out.”

He visibility tensed his shoulders and then handed Sophie a piece of toast. As Sophie looked at the butter and then up at him expectantly, he instead turned to face Annie and replied, “Come on, you know Andre can’t convince Shirley to stay. She’s miserable in that marriage, so nope, it’s up to me. I have to give a real convincing Winger speech.”

“You don’t have to put pressure on yourself.”

_“Daddy, can you do my butter?”_

Still facing Annie, Jeff persisted, “If anything, I need to gear up even more for this. From what I understand, Shirley’s father’s a deadbeat, so he doesn’t deserve her help.”

_“Please?”_

Annie tried to give him her best reassuring expression, but he rolled his eyes in response.

“Jeff. Don’t do that.”

He shrugged and pursed his lips, staring down for the next several moments as he said, “I need to do this. It’s what’s best for Shirley.”

“Is it?”

He remained still, his eyes still fixated on his plate. The silence was almost deafening, until Sophie broke it.

_“Daddy, can I do my own butter today? Please?”_

Sebastian then started smacking down on his tray, and Annie startled back at attending to him while keeping a watchful eye on Jeff as he smiled guiltily at Sophie and picked up the butter knife.

Sophie reached over and said, _“I’ve got this. It’s in my wheelhouse,”_ while motioning with her head toward the butter, a glob of drool flowing onto her chin.

At this, Jeff guffawed and then squinted at her, hunching down to place his nose about an inch from hers. He said, “I don’t even think you know what that phrase means, and yet you’ve used it correctly, so I dunno, maybe you are a genius after all.”

Sophie tilted her head and fluttered her lashes while Annie let out a breath.

X

X

As usual, the Bennett household was absolute chaos, but Jeff didn’t seem to mind that much, as he had more pressing concerns. He bumped into Elijah and Jordan, who were in the middle of some sort of indoor basketball/football/baseball game (there were several balls) in the living room, and he instantly patted them both on their heads.

“Nice to see you again, hellions.”

They snickered as he handed them each a nerf ball he thought best to bring in preparation, and he glanced up to see Andre watching him from the kitchen doorway, his left shoulder leaning against it, arms crossed. His expression was one of tentativeness, and Jeff inwardly felt vindicated.

“Hey. Annie with you?”

“Yeah, outside. Shirley around?”

Andre sighed and made his way over, his eyes searching for reassurance, and Jeff retained his sense of indignation.

“Kids, go help Aunt Annie out there with the car. Sophie’s there, too.”

“Cool cool cool! She can be our princess again. And then we can shoot her.”

Jeff smirked and said, “Maybe she’ll shoot you.”

Jordan shook his head as he picked up his nerf gun and loaded it with the latest weapon. “Nah, I got this.” He flashed a grin up at Jeff, and he looked just like Shirley before she presented some ill considered homemade pizza pies to her friends.

Jeff pushed down the pang in his gut as he held open the door to let them out and remarked, “You know, why would I have given you guys each ammo if I hadn’t armed my own kid? Consider that.”

Getting the implication, Jordan’s eyes widened and he hesitated. Elijah, being his usually oblivious self, charged out with a roar.

Jeff exchanged bemused looks with Andre as then Jordan ran after him and they heard Elijah’s scream.

“I’ve been hit!”

Jeff closed the door and dusted off his hands, stepping toward Andre. Against perhaps his first instinct, but now feeling right, he stood closer and softened his expression.

“Shirley told me everything.”

“Yeah, she kinda said she let you in on our marital troubles as well as her dad’s situation.” Andre crossed his arms and looked down for a few moments before slowly lifting his gaze.

Jeff wasn’t quite sure what the priorities were, but he had Andre alone, and that was something. His original plan before the latest development was to have a stern talk and ascertain Andre’s intention with the kids, but now he supposed he needed to shift strategy somewhat. Well, he then considered, perhaps not that much at all.

He ran his hand over his stubble and then said, “I’m not happy with you. Shirley’s amazing, and she’s built a great business. I fail to understand why you’re continually threatened by that.”

Andre shook his head and then motioned for them over to the couches. They sat at a forty five degree angle, and Andre let out a low whistle.

“It’s complicated.”

“I don’t think so, Andre. You were married for a gazillion years and you had two kids. Then you left her for a stripper. When you finally came to your senses, you made another kid and then you guys remarried and your business tanked while hers flourished. And now you want out again.”

“Whoa there. I in no way want out. That’s on Shirley.”

Andre was staring at him with one brow raised, and Jeff considered that Andre and Shirley had also spent a lot of time together over the years and perhaps he picked up a little of the judgemental Shirley expression.

The pang was back. He tried to ignore it.

Jeff leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees as he said, “She only wants out because you don’t support her dreams.”

Andre smiled slightly at this, but it was tinged with sadness. He regarded Jeff for a full moment before he slowly explained, “I don’t think it’s her dream. She’s always so stressed out, and she’s muttering stuff about hating sandwiches.”

“Well, that’s just because it takes focus to run a business, and anyway you should support her…”

\--”I have supported her. I’m with the kids all the time, and I love it, I do. But Shirley’s not happy, and then she comes home in a foul mood. Not the sexy foul I used to enjoy, but the honest to the Lord stink eye, and it’s only getting worse. I told her she needed to quit, and we’d figure it out. I even said she should consider another business plan. And as much as I can’t stand that Pierce guy, he has been helpful with the start up cash and seems really supportive of her. So I said hey, go back to the table with him and maybe see if someone else can do the day to day running of Shirley’s Sandwiches or something. But she continually shot me down.”

Jeff frowned at this information, and tried to reconcile it with what Shirley told him. He finally found his words.

“That’s not how she explained it to me. She said you’ve been stonewalling her and threatening to leave her and take the kids.”

At this, Andre tensed and then let out a long breath. He took several moments to compose himself before he responded in a low voice.

“I wouldn’t call it stonewalling when a man is getting yelled at, when his wife also misses dinner without a call, when she doesn’t even seem to show much interest in their children.” He cast Jeff a furious glare as he added, “I’ll admit I haven’t done my best, but she’s been either a shrieking lunatic from the stress or completely avoiding our family. And I didn’t mean it about leaving her and taking the kids. I admit, that was a test on my part, to see if she cared.”

“Real mature, Andre.”

“I’m not proud of it.”

“So did she pass your ‘test’?” Jeff put air quotes on the last word.

“She got mad, so yeah I guess.” He glanced down and then remet Jeff’s gaze. “But then we got news of her dad, and frankly Jeff, I say this between you and me,” he glanced over toward the kitchen and then at the front door before continuing in a whisper, “I think she’s using it as an excuse, to do something new. We married young and I think she regrets a lot of stuff.”

With renewed burning in his stomach, Jeff whispered back, “Maybe you’re the one who has regrets and wants out.”

Andre shook his head. “I learned my lesson when I left before. Huge mistake. No one can hold a candle to my Shirley when she’s at her best. The problem is I don’t think she wants to be my Shirley anymore, and I don’t think she’s that thrilled with being a mother.”

Jeff snapped, “That’s ridiculous. She always prides herself on being a mom.”

There was a long silence, and Andre seemed to consider his next words carefully. He sighed and then explained, “ Shirley was always told being a mother was the thing to most aspire to, it was the holiest of endeavors a woman could do on this earth. I was told the same thing, in our church. I think she thought she’d love it, and I’m not saying she’s always felt this way, but I think in the past year or so she’s been growing disenchanted with it. If I’m honest, there were signs along the way. I think she loves our kids, but I don’t think she _likes_ them lately.”

They sat awkwardly while Jeff absorbed this information. There was something about it that rang true, and he suddenly felt an intense sadness wash over him.

Andre patted his shoulder and asked, “You okay?”

He realized he was either showing his emotion more readily than he realized or that Andre knew him fairly well at this point. Probably a mixture of both. He considered that he and Andre were dad-friends and that he couldn’t be the completely terrible person Jeff had insisted he was in his mind over the past two days. He finally found his words.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m really sad that Shirley is struggling with motherhood and doesn’t seem to enjoy her business. And I’m sad that you two are…” he let the sentence hang unfinished.

“Me too.”

“But this doesn’t mean she has to leave.”

“That’s what I told her, but she’s got her fury on. I think if she really stopped to think it through, she knows she’d cave.”

Jeff slowly nodded and considered he was ready to have his one-on-one with Shirley.

X

X

He found her on the screened in back porch, holding a sleeping three year old Ben across her lap and sipping some iced tea. She was staring at her son’s hair and sighing wistfully. It was a far cry from the fury that Andre had described. He tapped the door frame and she turned to him, a small smile forming. He readily shuffled over and sat down opposite her.

He looked at Ben and whispered, “As Annie would say, he’s sweet.” 

“Thank you. He’s my baby.”

She smiled again, this time with tentativeness, and his stomach lurched.

“Andre filled me in on his view of the situation.”

“Did he?”

“He doesn’t think you’ve been happy for awhile. With him or your business.” He made the tactical decision not to mention the kids, and part of him was still hoping that part was wrong. His heart ached at the possibility of that.

She placed her tea on the side table and began to pet Ben’s head, her caress gentle as she continued to regard him.

“Andre’s right. He and I are done, and I think we have been for a while. I was deluding myself when I got back together with him, but I suppose our reconciliation brought me this little angel.”

Jeff couldn’t tell if she was trying to convince herself that was true or if she felt that way. He supposed even if she didn’t like being a mother that she loved her children. It felt in the moment that her love was genuine.

He remarked, “He’s pretty special. Sophie talks about him all the time.”

“They are such good little buddies when they get together, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.”

“Andre’s such a good father. The boys just adore him.”

Noticing the return of what he was strongly suspecting was in fact an ulcer, Jeff touched little Ben’s chubby hand and considered he needed to tread carefully. He hadn’t been that successful in convincing Shirley last night not to go to Atlanta and he sensed the fragility of this moment.

“Shirley, I know we had some words last night about this Atlanta situation.”

“Yes, I am aware of your opinion.”

He sighed. “I understand you feel you have some obligation to him, but speaking as someone who also had a problematic relationship with their own father, I don’t think you owe him anything. And look, if you’re not really liking running a sandwich shop, which face it is understandable given that it’s at Greendale and your employees are Pavel and Abed, I think you would be better going back to the drawing board with Pierce or hell, I’ll help you figure out another idea. I’m sure you could be happier.”

She smiled slightly and then sighed heavily. “Jeffrey, it’s so much.” With a pause to regard him intently, she then added, “I need to get away. Just for a little while.”

“Shirley…”

\--”My father doesn’t have too much time left.” She crossed herself which Jeff never understood since she wasn’t Catholic, but he knew better than to make a comment about it at this point in their friendship. 

She continued, “It’s been a mess with him, but I think doing this will provide me with some closure, and I can live with myself. Andre and I need space, and you’re right that my business has been frustrating me lately and certainly could use a fresh pair of eyes. I’ve already spoken to Pierce, and Gilbert has agreed to take it on.”

Jeff sat dumbfounded at the rapidness of her plans. The fact that Pierce already knew was telling that she was determined. His pulse quickening, he blurted, “This is moving too fast. What about your kids?”

She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes for a beat before reopening them.

“I know you don’t approve. Neither does Andre, but I need to do this. Everything in my bones is screaming at me.” Her lip trembled and she looked down at Ben as she continued, “I know it’s not the usual thing to do, but I won’t be gone very long, just a few months. Andre is so good with the boys, and frankly they see him more than me, and I don’t want to disrupt their lives too much by taking them with me.”

“This is not you, this is not…”

\--”You don’t understand what it means for little Black boys to have solid role models and to have stability.” She paused again and continued, “I did briefly consider taking little Ben, but I don’t see how I’d be able to keep him busy and take care of my father. And he’d miss his brothers and Andre, so it’s probably for the best if he just misses me.”

Jeff reached over and took her hand, and she squeezed it. A lump forming in his throat, he managed, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” She looked over at him and continued to hold onto him as she continued, “It’ll only be for a few months, and then I’ll be back and hopefully I’ll have a different perspective on a lot of things.” She smiled tightly.

“Please don’t go.”

“I love you, Jeffrey. I do, but I have to. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Crap, Shirley, it’s not about that. I’m worried about you, and I love you too. What can I do to help?”

“You can let me go.”

X

X

The original Greendale seven sat around the study table that Monday morning. The summer session wouldn’t be starting until tomorrow, but Jeff had finangled his way with the Dean to get them all access without being expected to help Frankie sort anything out. Abed had initially protested saying he was on a special assignment with someone named Diane, but Jeff had shushed him and explained that there was a crucial plot development point he’d be missing if he didn’t attend. Having been hooked, Abed made up some elaborate ruse to get away from Frankie, and he was currently seated in his usual spot, although for some reason he was sporting a sweater vest and bowtie. Jeff made the tactical decision not to ask.

Scanning the group, he said, “Ladies, gentlemen, Pierce…”

-”Hey!”

“I would like to thank you all for attending this special study group meeting.”

Everyone nodded and murmured their assurances, with Britta then interjecting.

“I don’t know why you just limited this to our original study group. If we’re going to take down Frankie, then I think we could really use Ian’s help. And probably Buzz.”

Jeff leaned forward and emphasized, “We’re not addressing any of that today. This is much more important.”

Abed’s eyebrows rose and he leaned in as well. 

Troy muttered, “Hey, how come you’re wearing that? What’s Frankie got you doing? And I missed you this weekend.”

“Not now, Troy, I’ll explain my scene changes later. Right now I’m intrigued. Jeff promised me story development.”

Troy’s eyes widened and he turned his attention to Jeff. Pierce remained eerily silent and merely glanced at Shirley, who was smiling a little too brightly to be considered in the realm of normal, as was Annie.

They had deliberately left Sophie with Dorie and Buzz, knowing the emotions that would likely arise would be too confusing and intense for her. She had already been informed that Auntie Shirley would be moving away for a little while, and Jeff knew the boys had been told last night as well. Andre had been sending him texts about the whole thing, and Jeff’s stomach had been churning all night. He didn’t know yet how to relate to Andre, for half of him was still really mad at him for letting things get so out of control in his marriage while the other half was sympathetic and livid with Shirley.

There was a third half, he realized, that was deeply sad. That was the part that emerged last night and had been steadily creeping into his soul. Annie had let him have a good cry about it around three am, and he was grateful that he no longer worried too much about his vanity in front of her. He wouldn’t be advertising it to Britta anytime soon, but he could at least let himself emote in front of his wife. Today he felt drained but ready to do the necessary thing.

“Everyone, I know things have been a little crazy lately with Greendale falling apart again and the arrival of Frankie, but we’re going to have to put that all on pause, at least for today.” He turned toward Shirley and smiled slightly.

“Shirley has an announcement.”

He realized half the group already knew, but the remaining members would likely be the most difficult to help process the development. He was certain Troy would scream or cry, Britta would shout, and Abed was a wild card but it couldn't be anything good. Abed got attached to things, and they might all end up in animation again.

Shirley thanked Jeff and then laced her hands on the table. In a cheery tone, she addressed the group.

“Yes, I have something to announce. As some of you know, my father lives in Atlanta and has been ill.”

Britta nodded, and Jeff found himself frowning at realizing he had underestimated their friendship.

Shirley continued, “He’s taken a turn for the worse, and the doctors say he only has at most a few months. So, I’m making the difficult decision to go down there and take care of him, to spend some time with him before he passes on to the Lord.” She looked heavenward and murmured a prayer before looking back around at the two shocked faces.

Troy instantly yelled, “No! You can’t go!”

Britta squawked, “Shirley! Your father is an ass, you can’t just go take care of him when he hasn’t given you jackshit in years! He hasn’t even met your youngest kid!”

Shirley nodded her understanding as Jeff did his best to quiet everyone with the silent hand gesture. Luckily, they fell in line.

Her voice shaking, she said, “I know it’s sudden, but I have to do this. I’m sorry if you’re upset.” 

Annie reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze of reassurance.

Shirley’s eyes then went to Abed, as did everyone else’s. He was sitting silent, his expression unreadable but intense.

“Abed?”

“So this is the plot development. I approve. Afterall, we did discuss spin offs during our recent zany adventure.”

Everyone shared surprise, but Shirley merely nodded.

Abed continued, “This is the only way I could really see you breaking away from your marriage, your business, and the group. Your obligation to family means you can justify this, and let’s face it Atlanta is a heck of a lot more diverse than Greendale, Colorado. I think you’ll get up to plenty of shenanigans.”

“Abed, I hope you’re not upset.”

“We need a strong Black female lead for the fall lineup. Now I know it’s summer, but that means you can premiere a little early. Sometimes a network does that to give an extra ratings boost, so this means you’ll likely do better and have a decent following by September, and then you might be a ratings hit.”

His eyes suddenly went wide, and Troy squeaked in alarm.

“You’ll be a ratings hit.” Abed stared at her, his voice cracking as he said, “You won’t come back.”

“Of course I’ll come back. My children are here. And all of you.”

“My mother didn’t come back, and neither will you. And even if your show tanks, you’ll get enough exposure to join a late night primetime glitzy all-Black murder mystery cast. You’ll wear lots of sequence and get really great reviews. And then they’ll be awards shows…”

Jeff stood and announced, “I think we all need a break.”

X

X

After sitting near the couches with Abed for a while, Shirley, Jeff, and Troy considered things were reasonably under control. The key word was reasonably. Jeff wasn’t sure if Abed would ever be okay with Shirley leaving, but he supposed the same was true of him. He cast a reassuring look at her before she addressed Abed once again.

“Abed honey, I need to do this, and I will miss all of you so much.”

Sitting right next to her as Jeff and Troy were opposite, Abed nodded but seemed sullen.

“I know you will, but I also know you’re not happy here.”

Troy frowned but didn’t say anything and Jeff gave him a pat on the shoulder. Jeff wasn’t sure if it was because the rest of the study group was currently outside on the library steps in order to give them space, but he was somewhat surprised at the candor from Shirley as she said her next words.

“You’re right, honey, I’m not. I know I’ve been a mean boss lately, and Gilbert will be much more understanding. My kids are mad at me but they’re always mad at me, and I’ve certainly tested Andre’s patience. Our talk about me spinning off got me thinking that perhaps it would be best if I were to take a hiatus from this show and try something else. Just for a little while.”

“Hiatus usually means a show takes a break, not a character.”

“Right. Then, I will take a sabbatical.”

“You promise you’ll come back and not get caught up in the glamour of it all?”

“I don’t think it’ll be glamorous. I’ll be taking care of my father, and while I do hope having some time on my own will help me think through some things and know myself better, I don’t think I won’t want to come back. I love my kids, I love all of you. But I’ll come back better. I promise.”

A tear fell down Abed’s cheek, and she leaned in and brushed it, with Abed falling into her shoulder.

Jeff and Troy left, making sure to be as quiet as they could.

X

X

Jeff and Shirley sat on the library steps, alone as the rest of the group had dispersed. They had already had snacks and a cake, courtesy of Annie who went on a baking spree in the middle of the night after Jeff had broken down in sobs. Abed had run off with Troy, ditching Frankie completely but not seeming to care. Jeff was worried about him but thankful that Troy seemed to really understand, for a change, what was going on. He knew Abed so well and would help him get through this. Britta, Annie, and Pierce had gone over to Dorie and Buzz to see the kids.

Shirley bumped his side with her shoulder and let out a nervous laugh.

“Lord, that was hard. But thank you and An-nie for the send off. And for coming by the house yesterday. It meant a lot to me.”

“You’re really leaving next weekend?”

“I am, and I don’t want to see you again before I go. It’ll be too hard.”

He nodded his understanding and wrapped his arm around her, smelling the very flowery-Shirley-ness of her shampoo. Telling himself to remember this moment, to soak her up, he found his tears from last night returning and stifled a sob.

Without moving, she said through her own angst, “I know, me too. Who would have known I’d have gotten so attached to a tall smart-assed White man?”

“Hey, now.”

“I really need you to do something for me. Please.”

“Anything.”

“Look out for Andre and my kids. Be my eyes and ears, and let me know if they can’t handle it, if you think I should come back sooner.”

“Of course.”

There was a long silence, with both of them not commenting on the quick gaspy sobs that came from both of them. Finally, Shirley broke in and shared her thoughts.

“I will come back, I promise. It’ll just be a few months, and then I’ll be a better mother.”

“Shirley, you’re a great mother.”

“And I’ll be a better friend.”

“You’re an awesome friend.”

“Please watch out for my family. I trust you.”

“I vow to protect them, Big Cheddar.”

Giving him a giant squeeze, she said full of gusto, “Awww, there’s my Jeffrey Tinkletown.”

He smiled and wanted to hold on, but he let her go.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #BlackLivesMatter


	5. Educational Foundations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff gets a further education at Greendale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Celery has a new dog, and she rivals Ruffles in her cuteness. She’s young and is keeping ol’ Celery on her toes!

Jeff sighed as he wearily contemplated the start of summer school. His eyes were still closed, but the hour wasn’t really the issue as he was used to getting up early these days, even earlier because of the squirt, who at times he found himself referring to as the hobbaby. Somehow ‘baby hobbit’ still seemed best reserved for the munchkin’s babyhood. He held a special place in his heart for those early days above Dildopolis.

The spitty hand hitting his face unnerved him, and for a brief moment he wondered if he was dreaming that the former baby hobbit was still hobbity. With skepticism, he slowly turned his head to the side and opened his eyes. Sebastian was staring at him, his expression one of estactiness, and he was drooling profusely, his pacifier having fallen to the side.

“Hey, squirt.”

_ “Goooooo!” _

He gave him a kiss on the nose and then lifted his head so he could see Annie, who was sitting up on her side of the bed and furiously typing on her laptop. Having ascertained that the baby wasn’t in any immediate danger of smothering, it dawned on him that busy Annie wasn’t congruent with the moment, as she wasn’t even taking summer school or working.

He growled, “Good morning.”

“Oh hey, you’re up.”

Her tone was absent minded, and she didn’t even pause as she answered but kept typing away. He frowned and then slowly sat up, pulling Sebastian with him so that he could lift him to a seated position on his lap. He grabbed the bear and handed it over to the drool monster.

“What are you doing?”

She glanced at him and smiled, her voice chipper as she replied, “Getting a start on fixing Greendale. Abed texted me about Frankie’s latest order. He was trying to work on it last night but says he could use some help today. So, I’m emailing Diane.”

“Who’s Diane?”

She shrugged and pressed send. With a gleeful squeal she half-bounced and then turned to face him, smiling maniacally.

She squeaked, “Done! I hope she gets back to me soon, because I have another idea but I need an answer on this one first.”

He glanced at the nightstand, having an alarm clock because he was old, and saw the time, cringing a little.

“Annie, it’s way too early to expect someone to email you back. It’ll be hours.”

“You never know.”

He nodded slowly and maneuvered Sebastian, feeling his bottom to make sure he was dry, which luckily he was. He then squinted at her and indicated with his head toward their son.

Her eyes widened in realization that she hadn’t yet explained his presence.

“Oh! He was fussy earlier, so I nursed him a little and then just figured he could hang out here so I could get some stuff done.”

“I could have crushed him.”

“Nonsense. I was right here.” She paused and then smiled at the baby and cooed, “You were so good, weren’t you? Mommy couldn’t put you back in that big scary crib, now could she? You are such a good little boy, yes you are.”

Jeff recognized the tone she had used with the baby hobbit’s achievements, and his heart warmed at its return. He leaned over and sniffed Sebsatian’s head and then gave him a kiss on his tufts of hair. 

“He’s amazing.”

She awed at this and then closed the laptop and placed it gingerly on the nightstand. She then propped her arm on her pillow and cradled her head, regarding them both as Sebastian made various gurgling sounds. 

“Aren’t you excited for today? It’s your first day of teaching!”

Still having some difficulty in accepting that she was in fact this chipper at such an obscene hour, he remembered her usual first day of school energy and was disappointed that they had a cockblocker literally in between them. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

She narrowed her eyes and he smirked.

“Annie, I’ve been to Greendale many times. My office is set up, I have the outline you helped me write. It’s just the first day, and I teach at eleven, so….” he glanced once again at the clock and winced as he continued, “I don’t need to get a head start. Let’s just chill a little before the munchkin and woofers discover we’re awake.”

“Oh, I took Ruffles out for a brief walk already, so she’ll be okay. She must have heard me get up with Sebastian.”

He stared at her and although he admired her energy, part of him was always a little terrified by it, and he felt more than a bit guilty that he had slept through everything. He considered that the goodbye to Shirley yesterday was leaving him out of it, and he then remembered all his sad dreams. Determining to stay present, he smiled slightly.

She noticed, and her eyes suddenly widened with concern. She reached over and took his hand, Sebastian squirming a little and attempting to spit out his pacifier which Jeff had taken the care of putting in his mouth a moment ago. She deftly popped it back in and then leaned over and kissed Jeff’s cheek.

“I know you’re sad. So am I.”

“I still can’t believe she’s leaving. We won’t even see her again before.”

“She’ll be back.”

“Right.”

He reddened a little and decided to just let it be. There was nothing else to do, and he tried to shift his mind, if only to deaden the pain.

With a gulp, he managed, “So, the house. That’s good news.”

She smiled and nodded, her eyes still wary but brightening at the change in topic. Although it had been difficult yesterday to cope with Shirley’s departure, they had needed to go through with the inspection, and to their relief everything was in order. Within the next week they’d be owners of a house.

A house. He felt his chest rise with anticipation, and this time he knew it wasn’t completely anxiety. He supposed it was excitement, which felt a little strange after the heaviness from his feelings about a minute ago. Annie was now nodding vigorously and doing that little bouncing thing, and he found his head bobbing along to match.

It was after that burst of energy, coupled with the realization that Sebastian was drifting back to sleep that they decided to make good use of the early time and prep for school, in the only way that Annie Edison-Winger and Jeff Winger knew how. 

It was a pretty good start to the day.

X

X

X

Jeff sat behind his new desk, not quite sure how to proceed. He had laid out all the supplies Annie had given him. There were a few jet black ink fountain pens because she said they’d make him look distinguished despite the fact that he was pretty sure he’d be typing most stuff, a dark teal holder for such pens, and a bona fide blotter. He chuckled to himself and then straightened the framed pictures of the kids and Annie. He did always like to have a reminder of his real life. He began to open and shut his laptop while trying to decide how to spend the time before his class started at eleven, and Annie had insisted he get there extra early.

He wasn’t nervous. This would be easy. He was just bored. It was an unusual sensation for him these days given parenting children, a dog and guinea pig, and satisfying his wife. He smiled as he recalled the ways in which he had done so in the satisfying department this morning.

“Oh, here you are.”

He startled and opened his eyes to see Buzz standing in the doorway, his usual constipated expression tempered by the hint of energy. Rising to sit up a little straighter, he asked, “You were looking for me?”

“It’s time to get you started.”

He began to open his mouth when Buzz shook his head and then turned and motioned to someone in the hallway. He hollered, “He’s in here!”

X

X

It was soon apparent that he had misjudged the potential benefits, beyond a (very) satisfied wife, of working at Greendale. The faculty lounge, long avoided by him for he had assumed it to me lame, turned out to be not so lame.

He sat on the couch as Ian mixed him up a cocktail, Ian’s eyebrows rising and falling the way they did when he was doing his best to entice Jeff into spending time with him. He considered that he didn’t need to be bribed that much these days to see Ian, and the fact that booze was present filled him with giddiness but was seriously tempered with a pang of guilt at the fact that Ian was sober. He also did not fail to notice that Ian was sporting a tote bag which contained Ruffles, her furry white head peeking out and looking interested but relaxed. Jeff had a feeling that Ruffles was a fixture in the faculty lounge, as Professor Sheffield had just popped a doggy treat in her mouth.

“You don’t have to do that. Unless you’re drinking again?”

“Oh, no dear boy, I am strictly on the wagon. With Britta moving in this month, I have to keep things on the up and up.” He once again wiggled his brows, and Jeff cringed. Ian added, “I’m just doing my part in welcoming you. Buzz and I wanted to make sure you were properly initiated.”

“So what do you do here then if you don’t drink?” Jeff glanced around the room at the numerous faculty members apparently getting their drink on before morning classes. He inwardly was in awe over the fact that he had never picked up on the fact that half the Greendale faculty was likely drunk or at the very least buzzed.

As if on cue, Buzz plopped down next to him and gave him a hearty slap on the shoulder. He growled with more than a hint of bemusement, “Welcome to the faculty, Jeff! You are now let in on one of the holiest of spaces. The faculty lounge.”

Shaking the cocktail, Ian answered Jeff’s question, “I get up to a time. We play poker…”

Buzz groaned, “You say you play poker, but anyone could get your ‘tells.’”

“Then why did I beat you last term?”

“That was a fluke.”

Eustice Whitman then sashayed over, his voice rising with full morning energy as he yelled over his shoulder to Professor Garrity, “I’m just going to check the fridge to see if we have birthday cake!” At the sight of Jeff, he stopped like a deer in the headlights and squeaked.

Jeff didn’t know what to make of this, but he quickly surmised that Professor Whitman had not been informed he’d be teaching. He’d have assumed that he’d be welcomed with open arms, but it was becoming apparent that Professor Whitman was uncomfortable, as beads of sweat appeared on his brow. His eyes darted to the side and then he took a deep breath and addressed him.

“Jeff Winger! What brings you to the teacher’s lounge?”

“I’m seizing the day.” Jeff accepted the cocktail from Ian and lifted it, finding Professor Sheffield leaning over from behind him somewhere to clink his class to his. Jeff gave his best smirk, still somewhat concerned about Professor Whitman’s demeanor. He briefly considered perhaps he should be more honest, not fully knowing what the honor code for access to the faculty lounge. Perhaps Professor Whitman thought he was trespassing.

He clarified, “Actually, I’m teaching a summer class so Buzz and Ian were gracious to welcome me.” He took a sip and was surprised and then oddly delighted by some sort of strawberry liquor. He remembered Britta liked strawberries and smirked once again as Ian sat on his other side and pulled out a deck of cards from somewhere within the depths of his sweater vest.

Professor Whitman nodded and let out another long breath before exclaiming, “Why, that is splendid! Yes, indeed! You have fine oratory skills!”

Buzz motioned for Whitman to join them, “Get over here, Eustice. I need to clean out your pockets. Don’t be a Cligoris.”

“Err, I have to go get some birthday cake.”

“No matter how many times you check, there ain’t ever been no damn birthday cake in that fridge. Park your ass down here, and we’ll put in an order with ‘Alex’,” Buzz made air quotes and continued, “so he can get you your precious little bit of cake from the cafeteria or maybe a pudding. Now’s time to settle up.”

“Thank you, but I’ll find Alex myself. I must dash!” 

Buzz frowned as they all watched Eustice scamper out to the hallway, and Jeff turned to ask, but Buzz shrugged and then grabbed the deck from Ian.

“My deal.”

Professor Kane pulled up a stool and joined them.

Jeff started to speak, and Professor Kane shook his head as he said, “A man’s got a code, Mr. Winger. Poker first so we can see what he’s made of.”

Jeff nodded and took another sip of his cocktail. Who was he to argue? He turned to Ian and asked, “So you bring my dog here often?”

Ian shrugged as he scratched Ruffles under her chin and replied, “I promised you I’d keep an eye on her. Everyone here adores her, she gets a good pet.” He paused and then added, “Although today I am being particularly careful, which is why she’s in this bag. I can’t have Frankie spotting her.”

“Why not?”

Ian frowned and then said, “That woman is particularly by the rules. I learned quite a bit about her personality during that lovely campus tour I was forced to give her Friday evening. I don’t think a dog on campus would sit well with her.”

Jeff felt something constrict in his chest, and he once again remembered Frankie’s weirdness around the kids and all of the close relationships amongst the Beautify Greendale Committee members.

“But she’s not in charge of Greendale. The Dean is.”

Ian gave him a wary look, and Buzz and Kane grunted. Jeff remembered his mother’s mention of Buzz going ‘rogue,’ and wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know.

It was then they all heard Frankie’s voice wafting down the hallway.

“I just need to find Professor Garrity. We have to do something about that lair under the stage.”

Then Abed’s voice, “Professor Garrity usually goes in here.”

Buzz barked, “Christ almighty. Everyone, positions!”

Professor Garrity, suddenly near the door, wedged a chair in front of it as everyone scattered, deftly turning over hollow tables to cover glasses and cards placed in neat piles on the floor, and delectable croissants and Nutella shoved in the cabinets. Professor Perez, her eyes panicky, grabbed a bottle of vodka and placed it inside a plastic pitcher while tossing Kane, Ian, and Buzz a packet of styrofoam cups which they rapidly disseminated amongst the faculty.

Buzz whispered, “Pretend you’re all drinking muddy crap!”

Jeff glanced down at his empty cup and realized his delicious cocktail had vanished. Ian gently placed Ruffles’ head down and gave her a treat.

Frankie’s voice, “Why is this door stuck? We’ll have to fix this too.”

Garrity removed the chair and stepped back, and Frankie pushed open the door as Abed remained in the hallway, eagerly peeking past her shoulders but rightly judging he wasn’t allowed to enter.

Frankie, impeccably dressed and groomed, glanced around and seemed unfazed. She stepped further in, and Buzz made an expression that Jeff had never seen him do before, and it was utterly creepy.

He smiled.

“Frankie Dart! Welcome to the faculty lounge!” 

Buzz lifted his empty cup in a salute and then pretended to take a hearty sip.

Frankie’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, and she walked over, spotting Jeff.

“Jeff Winger, I see you’re becoming initiated. Annie told me you’re teaching a summer class.”

Remembering that Annie had spent a great deal of time with Frankie on Saturday night but being sketchy on the details given they had been consumed with the Shirley situation, Jeff nodded.

“I am. Buzz and Ian were giving me a tour. This is really good coffee.”

He hoped that earned him some points with Buzz, and while he still had mixed feelings about Frankie’s role, he knew better than to advertise the presence of booze to a likely rule-bound teetotaler.

Seeming to take him at his word, she nodded her approval. 

Buzz asked, “Would you like a cup?” as he then motioned for a carafe from Professor Perez.

Frankie waved him off, mentioned something about not drinking caffeine (of course she didn’t), and then spotted Professor Garrity. 

“Sean, would you please come with me? I need to show you something in the auditorium and get your take on it.”

To everyone’s relief, Frankie and Garrity left.

X

X

About a half hour later, Jeff extricated himself from the group, feeling a little guilty about the fact that it was almost eleven and he probably did need to go to his classroom to make sure he had chalk or something. He had his laptop in its case and stepped into the hallway. He tried to shake off the fact that the faculty lounge consisted of a likely anti-Frankie faction being led by Buzz. He kinda wanted to stay away from that mess.

He came face to face with Abed and briefly wondered if he had been standing in the hallway since Frankie left. He was cocking his head, eager to pounce. He had on a tie and sweater vest eerily similar to Ian’s.

“Jeff, it’s good to see you. I need to recap for you.”

Jeff made his way toward his classroom, Abed keeping up by his side.

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks, Jeff. Frankie means business. I think she can really help Greendale, but her methods are very anti-Greendale. She’s organized and efficient, even more so than Annie which is very upsetting to Annie. Troy’s mad at me because I didn’t want to hang out with him and Penelope this weekend, and Diane is being unreasonable.”

Jeff stopped at his door and sighed.

“Abed, it’ll all be fyne.”

“You’re right, Jeff. I did have my doubts about Frankie, but she and I had a chat in the quad and she told me something really interesting.”

“And that is?”

“Well, Frankie herself is boring, but she admits it. Her sister’s literally insane. But I digress. Frankie’s willing to see how she fits in as a character. She’s open to my guidance.”

“I see.” Jeff inwardly felt a warmth for Frankie at the fact that she had been indulging Abed. He didn’t know anyone outside their group who could put up with him and was considering that Gilbert as his new boss might be more than a little awkward. Then again, Gilbert put up with Pierce. He then considered that it probably wasn’t a problem at all.

Abed added, “Just so you know, she kept asking Annie about the kids again, and Annie left in tears on Saturday.”

Jeff raised his brows and once again felt the sinking in his gut. “Goddamn it. Something needs to be done.”

Abed cocked his head again, and Jeff swatted him away.

“Not now. I need to teach.”

“Are you joining Hickey?”

“I don't know what you’re talking about, Abed.” 

He entered the classroom and spotted several students, amongst were Garrett and Leonard,  already in their seats. It irked him they were early, but then again maybe it couldn’t hurt to make an entrance. He quickly affected his nonchalant strut.

Abed’s eyes darted back and forth as he remained in the hallway.

X

X

Sensing her before he even looked up from his desk, Jeff knew she was there. Garrett, Vicki, Leonard, Todd, and two other students Jeff could have sworn were named Dave and Stacy had just left after lingering a bit too long for his liking, and watching Garrett try to flirt had been more than a little painful.

“Hey Professor Winger.”

He smiled and lifted his head to see Annie leaning in the doorway, Sebastian strapped to her chest. She was looking impish, and he could only surmise it was because she had been snooping. He motioned her over, and she eagerly complied.

He sat up straighter as she approached, and she pulled up a chair and sat, adjusting so that she could free Sebastian. The kid squirmed a little but otherwise seemed to be in good spirits, a smile forming as he stared at Jeff.

“Were you guys spying on me?” He reached over and took Sebastian, giving his head a good sniff before pulling him to his shoulder for a greeting. The baby grabbed at him and emitted some gurgling noises, and Jeff found his heart rate steadying as he came down from his first attempt at teaching.

“Just a little. You did great.”

“Annie.”

His eyes were reproachful, but he really wasn’t that annoyed. He had suspected she might check up on him, and at this point in their relationship he knew her nosiness wasn’t stemming from a place of criticism but more from reverence at the fact that he was being studious, even if he were teaching at Greendale. It was a serious turn on for her.

He was proven right when she scooted closer and leaned in for a kiss. Although balancing a baby and making out weren’t necessarily the most compatible of activities, he didn’t mind in the least. As they pulled out of the smooch, she batted her lashes.

“My husband, law professor. I like the way that sounds.” 

She placed her hand on her decolletage and moved it ever so slowly toward her cleavage. His eyes followed.

“I was teaching Leonard.”

“Don’t be like that. I’m proud of you.” Her pout was more for affect than anything, but it got to him.

He found himself grinning. He then maneuvered Sebastian so that he was facing outward on his lap, grabbing the bear from Annie and handing it over so he could chomp down on its ears. He wondered if he was starting to teethe, as the copious amounts of drool were becoming even more copious in the past week.

He and Annie locked eyes again, and it was a moment. 

“Thank you for talking me into teaching this summer.”

Now full on beaming, she purred, “You’re very welcome.”

They were about to lean in for another kiss when the clicking of heels startled them, and the door to the classroom swung open to reveal Frankie, her head tilted as she grasped her clipboard. Abed hovered over her shoulder, his expression one of interest.

She said in a business-like tone, “Hello. I thought this classroom was empty.”

Jeff groaned, “Clearly it is not.”

Frankie’s eyes darted between the two of them and then landed on the baby. Her brow furrowed for a brief moment before she seemed to recover.

“Rooms should be freed up after the class period.”

“My class just finished, and Annie and I were discussing something.”

“I see.”

Annie squeaked, “Frankie! Do you need any help with anything?”

“No, I think I have it all covered, Annie.” There was a pause before she added, “I can see you’re busy, but thank you.”

He wasn’t sure how to read her, but something wasn’t sitting right. She smiled slightly, turned toward the door, and motioned for Abed to follow.

Jeff looked at Annie, but her eyes were on the door, her brow crumpled in thought. Of course Annie would admire someone like Frankie, and the rejection must sting. He suddenly felt terrible for some reason, and he couldn’t pinpoint why.

“Hey.”

She turned toward him, her eyes wary. He pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her head.

“Don’t let her get to you.”

“But I want to help.”

“Abed mentioned things got a little tense Saturday.”

She moved back and nodded, glancing at Sebastian for a moment before putting her attention back on him.

“She kept mentioning the kids, and asking if I needed to be with them. I told her you had it handled, but she didn’t seem convinced. She went on and on about Sebastian and his age, since she knows about the breastfeeding, obviously.” Her cheeks reddened as they both remembered Frankie’s reaction to the boob flash on Friday. She continued, “She seems so professional, but it’s starting to really get to me that she doesn’t think I can handle working on Greendale’s situation and being a mom.”

“That is disappointing, and definitely not professional.”

Her eyes flashed something, and she blurted, “It’s infuriating, Jeff. Buzz feels the same way. Maybe I’ll join him.”

He raised a brow and waited.

_ “Goooooo!” _

She nodded emphatically, her head turning as they both heard the door open once again. Buzz stood there with Ian, Britta, Pierce, and Troy right behind him. All were looking a strange combination of determined and giddy.

“We gots stuff to do. Come on.” Buzz motioned for them to follow.

“Hey!” Jeff sat up straighter and was hoping he was making a point that they shouldn’t be interrupted. Sometimes Greendale was rude.

But Annie was already standing, half pushing him up as she did so.

“Come on, Jeff.”

He could surmise why Ian and Britta were joining the rebellion, given Frankie’s hijacking of Ian and dismissal of Britta’s concerns the other night, but he was at a loss with the other two.

“Pierce?”

Pierce flashed his teeth and answered, “Frankenstein Boobs has enrolled me in sensitivity training, and until I complete it I’m banned from her office.”

He briefly considered that it wasn’t the world’s worst plan and began to feel something burning in his chest. He then addressed Troy.

“You too?”

Troy shrugged and said, “She took Abed away from me, Jeff. We need to fix this.”

Well, who was he to argue with fixing things. He sighed heavily and rose, hauling Sebastian with him as they all made their way to the cafeteria, Buzz mentioning they might need to consult Gilbert and Pavel but likely needing some Shirley’s Sandwiches before they proceeded.

It was going to be an interesting summer session.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Ancient Methods of Espionage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Frankie have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m embarrassed at how long it’s taken to update. Long story, but Celery needed to relocate and all is fine now but it’s been difficult to find the time. Much thanks for your patience! It felt really good to finish this chapter.

It wasn’t usually her MO to be rebellious, at least outside of her relationship with her mother, but this was necessary. Frankie wasn’t allowing her to help, and Greendale needed her.

Annie looked up at Buzz, who was pacing his office.

“We gotta be methodical. Frankie’s no dummy.”

She nodded eagerly and reviewed the outline she had written in purple pen on her notepad, slightly perturbed by the fact that they weren’t meeting in the study room where she could have full use of the whiteboard, but understanding they needed to be discreet. So far they had constructed a decent plan of giving Frankie a reason to chase false Greendale repair leads which could free up the rest of them to actually fix Greendale.

It was their school, and they would take care of it.

The rest of the Buzz Gang, all crammed in his office for secrecy purposes, murmured their worries, but he shushed them. She could sense that Jeff was bristling at Buzz taking over his usual role, but she honestly didn’t have the patience for attending to his ego right now. They had bigger fish to fry.

An eager Ian piped in, “So I get to really mess with her then? Using Garett? Because I agree he’s unusually and severely spatially challenged. He smacked his forehead into a tuba last week, and no one can fathom how that happened.” 

He sat back and wiggled his brows in a way that seemed to further irritate Jeff, and Annie made the decision not to delve too much into it, sensing their history left her unable to always play catch up. Buzz groaned and nodded, with Ian smiling almost manically as he pet Ruffles on his lap. 

Britta, seated to Ian’s right, let out a long sigh, and Buzz turned his attention to her and waited. She rolled her eyes and then explained, “This is ridiculous. Frankie seems cool, but for some reason I hate her. Which you know, um, feminism.”

Before Buzz could respond, if he was even intending to do so, Jeff leaned forward, Sebastian still in his arms and snapped, “We’re wasting time. We get it, you’re jealous that Frankie keeps pulling Ian aside for special touring projects and ruined your date night.” He turned toward Troy and added, “And you, yes we know you’re also insecure right now because Frankie for some goddamn reason has been allowing Abed to tag along on her tedious administrative adventures.” 

Troy crossed his arms and murmured, “I’m not insecure.”

“Right, Troy.” Jeff smiled tightly and then gestured toward Buzz. “And you, okay yes, you seem to be able to pull together a unit of sabotage with what I might say is alarming efficiency…”

Buzz nodded and took a slight bow as he said, “Thank you.”

Sensing Jeff was about to address the rest of the group, Pierce stammered, “What about me?”

Ignoring him completely, Jeff shouted, “No! This is insane.” He then groaned, “God, do I not want to deal with this. Everything’s way too convoluted. And for what? Just so we can do  _ more _ work. Just think about this, everyone. Do you really want to do more stuff around here when there’s an eager beaver perfectly willing to do everything?”

Annie, up until that moment being completely caught off guard by Jeff’s outburst, found herself trembling, and the squeak just came out.

She barely registered Jeff’s hand on hers and his reassurances and apologizes, also half aware of everyone else’s mumbles. Within what felt like seconds, the room had cleared. She raised her head and saw that even little Sebastian was gone and Jeff was staring at her with worry.

“Annie?”

“I’m okay.”

His brow furrowed as his eyes darted back and forth across her face. 

“Clearly you’re not.” He wiped a tear that had been falling down her cheek, and she finally felt the flushing as she let the embarrassment sink in.

She made the decision to squeeze his hand rather than pull away, knowing he was fully aware of all her neuroses by now and yet somehow he always stayed. That helped as she managed, “I’m sorry. I just panicked.”

He nodded with full comprehension and whispered, “Because I made fun of work. I know, I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget you like to do stuff like that.”

She found herself now utterly humiliated, but she could tell by his expression that he thought she was both crazy and lovable. Somehow that made her feel a little better.

“I know you think I’m nuts.”

“Yeah, well. So am I and just about everyone else here. You’re in fine company.”

She punched his arm, and he smiled with the corners of his eyes wrinkling in just the way she happened to find most adorable, so she let it slide.

It was time to get to work.

X

X

They each had their mission, but Jeff was confident his was the worst. For some reason he was letting Buzz boss him around, and it felt what he could only describe as very ... weird. 

He obviously needed to work on his vocabulary and made a mental note to ask Annie if they could incorporate more adjectives into their flash card regimen. He was fairly confident if they handled the Frankie situation and Annie had more purpose that she’d be very willing to bring back the flashcards.

He adjusted his belt and silently admonished himself. Aloud he said, “Focus.”

There was a soft rap at his office door, and he remembered that it was only his third day on campus as a professor and so far he had been successfully hiding from students, most notably Todd who apparently had an unending series of annoying and pedantic questions.

Figuring he probably couldn’t avoid him forever and remembering Annie’s advice to stop procrastinating as it was giving him an ulcer, he made a goddamn grown up decision.

“Come in.”

The door creaked to reveal Professor Cligoris, eyes wide and sporting his usual array of obscure decorative buttons and medallions, most of them likely from the 90s. 

“Is um, Buzz around?”

“No, and before you ask I have no idea where he is.”

A visible relief washed over Cligoris, and he nodded smugly, his whole demeanor changing in an instant. He stood taller and practically swaggered over to Jeff’s desk, his hand skimming over the top as he tsked about the sprinkles of dust.

“Ah, a fine oak. Better keep some Pledge on hand.” He chuckled to himself as he then produced a yellow bottle from behind his back and placed it on the wood as if it had fallen from heaven. “And of course, I tend to have some on me, as I like a sleek finish. It helps set the mood. You know, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy had a fine mahogany wood resolute desk. It was hand carved and presented to him by…”

Before Jeff could figure out how to get out of the ‘delightful’ conversation, Buzz was in the doorway and barked, “Martin! You will not bore Jeff with your historical nonsense.” He shook his head and walked over, his brow furrowed in what appeared to be utter exasperated yet resigned disappointment. He scowled at Cligoris, whose first name was apparently Martin, and added, “I have plenty o’ Endust in here for Mister Winger to use.”

Jeff smiled as he regarded the interplay, noting Cligors’ visible tremble, and asked, “Oh, you do? Thanks for thinking of me.”

Cligoris rolled his eyes and firmly shoved the Pledge bottle toward Jeff as he looked needlessly defiantly into Buzz’s eyes.

“I’ll have you know Pledge is superior to Endust. Why Winston Churchill…”

“I have no patience for crap. Why are you really here?” He motioned Cligoris over to his own desk, and Jeff watched in fascination as Cligoris followed him like a dog and sat down opposite as Buzz slid confidently down into his padded leather monstrosity and placed his feet on his desk. Cligoris took out a small handkerchief and waited, Buzz moving his feet just a tad before Cligoris wiped a spot and Buzz replaced his feet.

“I heard about your special group.”

Buzz shook his head, and Jeff instantly jumped up and closed the door to the office, not wanting Frankie to overhear. Buzz gave him a courtesy nod and refocused his attention on Cligoris.

“Martin, you can’t keep a secret. You’re not in.”

“Pleeeease? I can be discreet.”

“Nah, your poker face is a bust. You have too many tells.”

“But I’m useful. I can spy. And you have Preston Kugler helping, and everyone knows he’s a loose canon. I play by rules. I love rules.”

Buzz closed his eyes in pain and then slowly opened them. “Fine, but you can’t know what you’re spying on cause we know how that goes.” He leaned forward and tapped Cligoris’ nose with his knuckle and winked before adding, “You’re smart, Martin, but you’re dumb, please don’t take no offense.”

Cligoris nodded meekly and chirped, “But I get to spy?”

“Yes, you can go full on Mata Hari or whatever.”

“When? Where?”

“Keep me abreast of her movements. Walk twenty paces behind at all times, circle counter clockwise, then take five steps back. Wait ten minutes. Then repeat.”

“But I won’t know where she is.”

“You’ll need to hurry up then.”

Keeping his best poker face himself, Jeff let himself out and closed the door behind him. He decided perhaps now was the best time for him to get his part over with and made his way toward Administration. He strolled by Ian’s classroom and took a peek, noticing that Ruffles was not in attendance as Ian droned on to his class about Palovian conditioning. He frowned and then remembered Buzz and Ian’s plan to continue to hide Ruffles so as not piss Frankie off, for the overall strategy was to keep her busy rather than openly antagonize. He turned left and then passed by the Spanish classroom, overhearing Professor Perez in a conversational tone as she talked to Kevin about him taking over her classroom in the later half of the summer. Although Kevin would soon be faculty, another decision of the Dean’s that Jeff just couldn’t fathom, they hadn’t included him in the gang because he was a notorious wild card. The fact that Kevin and Perez were speaking Spanish gave Jeff slight pause at considering he did learn something at Greendale before he quickened his steps and turned right.

He was stopped in his tracks by the sight of Abed wearing a sporty visor and sitting in his mother’s usual spot near the front greeting area.

“Hey buddy. Where’s my mom?”

Abed, unfazed per usual, took a slurp from his slushie and replied, “She needed to change Sebastian. I offered but she said no. It’s probably because there are no changing tables in the mens room. Frankie pointed that out. She’s smart.”

Jeff nodded politely, dodging the landmine of Abed thinking he could change a baby, and then refocused on the first part.

“Sebastian? Annie’s here?”

Abed slurped once again and then answered, “Yup. She showed up about a half hour ago, asked Frankie if she could help. They’re in the East building file room.”

Jeff considered that he wasn’t privy to all of the evolving details of Annie’s assignment, but he did recall that she was supposed to devise a way to cozy up to her and offer deflection as Britta and Troy maneuvered some students to paint the cafeteria now that it had been completely cleared of debris and the roof was fixed. He then considered that none of that would have happened without Frankie and it hit him once again that they probably did need someone like her at this place.

Aloud, he asked as nonchalantly as possible, “What do you think of Frankie now that you’ve known her for almost a week?”

It was almost imperceptible, but Abed smiled and took a spin in his mother’s chair before coming to a complete stop and taking another slurp.

“She’s thorough, she’s appropriately shouty, and she knows how to call people. On the actual telephone, which I avoid because I can’t see faces. But let’s _ face _ it Jeff, faces are enigma to me under the best of circumstances. I just don’t like talking to people about things I don’t find interesting.”

Jeff slid behind the counter and joined Abed, making sure not to sit down as he didn’t want to stay and he could hear the Dean clanging some items in his office and it suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t yet told him he and the family would be moving out in a couple weeks. 

Casting a glance at the ajar office door, he lowered his voice and asked, “Abed, you can’t possibly find whatever tasks Frankie has you doing that interesting. Why are you still doing this?”

Abed let out a long whistle, and Jeff cringed as he shot a look at the door.

“Don’t you see, Jeff? I can be the perfect spy. Professor Cligoris isn’t suited, which let’s face it,” in an unusual turn Abed chuckled and whispered to himself, “face _ ” _ , and then tightened his expression to continue, “everyone has noticed by now.”

Utterly baffled, Jeff asked, “Wait, I just left him and Hickey. He just got his assignment.”

Abed nodded and pulled up his phone and silently perused some texts. “Yeah, he already got busted. That’s how I know Annie and Frankie are in the East building. Troy told me. He saw it all go down two minutes ago.”

For the thousandth time realizing he was in a surreal universe, Jeff pulled up a chair.

“You’re going to tell me everything.”

“I just did.”

“You’re a spy? Like for our side?”

“Buzz recruited me this morning. He promised me we’d get back to work on our buddy cop flick and Troy made me some really good buttered noodles. And this time Penny didn’t add crispy onions. I hate crispy onions.”

X

X

Annie stood with Frankie outside the file room. She had been doing her best to look indignant as Frankie stood toe to toe with Professor Cligoris, boring into his eyes as she calmly yet with a hint of menace addressed his sweaty form.

“You are embarrassing yourself. You need to go back to your office and write me an essay detailing how not to follow people. I want annotated references.”

Professor Cligoris wiped his brow with a handkerchief and nodded.

“How many words?”

“Four thousand.”

He let out a low gasp. 

“So it’s an extended essay?”

With a bored countenance, Frankie explained, “Yes, Martin. Make sure you take extra care. Be mindful of your font.”

He leaned forward and licked his lips while Frankie glanced off toward the south hall.

“Deadline?”

“Make sure to research thoroughly. You have until Monday.”

“Yes, Ms Dart.”

Annie’s eyes widened in amazement as he scurried off. She turned to see Frankie regarding her with an unreadable expression, the same one she had given her Saturday night after she had volunteered to help. Although she had rebuffed her efforts at that time, today she seemed more receptive, and Annie was eager to move forward with the plan. Distract, deflect, and let Troy and Britta get to work.

Her stomach sank at the thought of Troy and Britta getting to do the hands on stuff, but Buzz had reminded her that she’d be the best at deception. She didn’t take offense at that, and she then briefly considered perhaps sole forensic work wasn’t her forte. She did always have an itch to be in the field.

She put on her best mega watt Annie smile, the one she had learned at age four, and chirped, “That was so great! You really put him in his place!”

It was a genuine remark, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

With complete bluntness, Frankie stated, “I understand that professors and students tend to be coddled here. I was probably supposed to ignore him or at best be sweet and understanding when I could feel his breath on my neck?”

“Well, that is probably how the Dean would have handled it.”

“I’m gaining a much better understanding of this place day by day. Lots of underground shenanigans are indulged. I’ve been trying my best to understand the culture and play along, but this one just went too far.”

Her ears perking, Annie asked, “This one?” She tried not to betray her panicked thoughts that Frankie knew more than she was letting on.

With efficient swiftness that caught her off guard, Frankie clarified, “The Dean and Alex. Something needs to be done about that arrangement, and so far I haven’t addressed it. It wasn’t my first priority, but now perhaps I need to be more direct.” She paused and then added, “About a lot of things.” 

Something flashed in her eyes, but Annie couldn’t pinpoint the meaning.

She caught a glimpse of Britta gesturing from the far south corridor and squeaked, “So, the files?” as she pushed open the storage room door.

Frankie nodded and followed, and Annie considered her comment about the Dean and Alex. She never did approve of the Dean overlooking Starburns’ drug dealing, and for a moment she considered she had Frankie all wrong.

“We probably should get to it. I don’t want to keep you from your children.”

The burning sensation in her stomach returned as did the accelerated pumping throughout her body. Annie smiled sweetly and explained, “My daughter is with my mother this morning and the baby is with Dorie.”

“But doesn’t Dorie work for the Dean? She can’t be your babysitter. She has duties to perform.”

Frankie said the words briskly as she unlocked a cabinet, and Annie’s heart sank. She shuffled in closer and said urgently, “She’s only going to watch him for a few minutes. Abed said he’d let Jeff know, and he should have finished his lecture by now.”

She hoped that would take care of it, and she was both angry and terrified for some reason that she couldn’t reconcile.

Continuing to peruse the file tabs, Frankie observed, “That seems very cobbled together, and I notice you didn’t ask your husband directly, which I find odd. Surely you two talk about this in advance? And I understand he has a law practice off campus which must demand a bit of time. Does he take the baby there?”

The abruptness of Frankie’s questioning was unnerving, but Annie found herself just answering the ensuing rapid fire inquiries.

“Well, no not usually. Sebastian’s small, but he does have Sophie there when she’s out of school.”

“And she doesn’t go to school in the summer.”

“But in the fall, it’ll be easier. She starts kindergarten so we’ll figure out a schedule where he picks her up and I do my seminar.”

“How can you do the seminar with a baby?”

“I’ll have someone watch him.”

“And how will you do an internship?”

“I’m putting it off until next spring or the following year. He’ll be okay to go to daycare by then.”

Frankie nodded as she continued to avoid Annie’s gaze, her eyes completely on the files she was pulling with alarming efficiency. 

“The campus daycare’s not up to code.”

Annie almost froze as she considered the unsaid implication. She then took a deep breath as she accepted a few manila folders from Frankie and then ventured, “What will it take to fix it?”

Without missing a beat, Frankie replied, “I’ll have to look into it. But if the inspector, whom I’ve scheduled to visit in the fall, doesn’t approve it could need to be shut down. I know it’s not open in the summers anyway which seems to point to it not being a campus priority.”

She felt the squeak leave her and she was helpless to stop it, just as she had been in Buzz’s office earlier in the week. She suddenly found herself sobbing.

“Oh dear.”

Frankie placed her hand very lightly on her elbow. It was then that the damn burst and the words came flooding out.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do! That daycare helped me when I was a single mom. I know it was crappy and I always felt bad putting Sophie there, but I didn’t have a choice, and she turned out okay, or at least I think she did, but honestly she’s with my mom right now and I love my mom and she loves Sophie, but part of me gets scared that she’ll give Sophie a stress headache and she’ll turn out like me and try to please everyone but be secretly resentful and then get addicted to something and sleep with the first guy who gives her any hint of affection and she’ll be a teen mom and ruin her dreams. And I thought having Sebastian in a stable relationship would be easier and it is in so many ways, but I’m terrified I won’t be able to enter my career and that Jeff will resent me pressuring him into having another child so I don’t want to ask him to do too much, so I usually just have other people ask him, but then I’m worried he’s annoyed at me which he has every right to be and one day he’ll get fed up and leave me but I don’t think he will because he loves me and he loves our children like crazy but I know he thinks  _ I’m crazy _ and neurotic which I probably am!”

She stopped to take in a gaspy breath, and Frankie’s hand went to her shoulder.

“There there. Jeff Winger suffers from mental illness as well. He most likely can empathize.”

Annie startled and looked through her tears at Frankie’s tilted head. Her expression continued to be serious but there was a softening around the eyes.

“How do you know that?”

“Abed filled me in on both of your back stories.” Uncharacteristically, Frankie paused to let that sink in before she nodded and continued, “I must admit I was initially alarmed by the relationship and Sophie’s age but I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions so I asked the necessary questions. I’m glad I did because hearing your fears helps me understand. I’m going to form a committee to revamp the daycare center. I’ve been considering having Eustice chair it since he’s been filing complaints that City College where his wife works offers better service, but apparently he’d like to have his son here. And he indicates several other faculty feel the same. I can see the issue is not limited to the faculty. You are one of many students who avail themselves of the benefit, which in my opinion should be a benefit and not cost nearly as much as it does. I understand you need to work shifts for a subsidy which takes you away from your studies. If we don’t have adequate and affordable care then students can’t graduate in a timely fashion and that impacts our ability to attract even better students. Craig tells me you are the best student Greendale has ever seen. If we can’t do right by you, then that doesn’t say very good things.”

An unfamiliar sensation came over Annie, a warmness coupled with a sense of sedation. Normally she guessed she’d resist it, feeling the need to remain perky and goal-driven at all times or something terrible would happen. Instead, she allowed herself to feel it, and in the process she allowed herself to fall safely into Frankie’s arms.

“Oh dear. You’re sad. How can I help?”

“I’m not sad. I’m relieved. Thank you.”

X

X

It seemed like an eternity of conversation with Abed before Jeff was able to break free, but he figured it was time well spent. It was good to have Abed back and a relief to know he and Troy had made up. As much as he had his doubts about the supposed evilness of Frankie and the wisdom of doing extra work, he made the decision to enact his portion of the scheme, hoping Frankie and Annie were likely finishing up their file room duties.

He was also mainly doing this for Annie, he loved her that much.

“Hey Jeff, Annie’s still on mission. She’s distracting Frankie so Troy and Britta can get some things done, as can I. Don’t interrupt.”

Jeff raised his brows in surprise as he turned to see Buzz approaching, his expression one of exasperated condensation with just a hint of preoccupation. He was holding a bucket and mop, his eyes searching past Jeff toward the far west corridor. Jeff followed his gaze and was treated to the sight of Garrett fully prostrated on the floor and face down surrounded by what looked to be vomit.

“Jesus.”

Buzz sighed as Jeff shuddered, and then he grunted his explanation.

“The kid got too nervous. He was supposed to tilt ninety degrees on cue but we all knew he’d do one eighty. Turns out a three sixty was the better guestimate.”

“But wouldn’t that put him where he started?”

“Exactly. Duncan bailed due to disgust but I ain’t got no hang ups about that. I can deal with puke. My son Hank used to puke all the time. Still does.”

Accepting whatever was going on, Jeff began to follow Buzz when the roar of the crowded hallway lifted as class began to start, and they could hear Annie’s sobs. His chest instantly constricted, and he and Buzz exchanged frantic looks. 

Within moments they had busted in, Buzz wielding his mop in perhaps an unnecessary escalation and not in the most investigative way, but Jeff wasn’t fixated on that. He was staring at the sight of Annie in Frankie’s arms, with Frankie awkwardly petting her hair and murmuring supposed words of comfort.

“You do so much and aren’t appreciated. I can imagine having someone of my caliber and experience be so efficient activated your insecurity.”

“It did. I’m so sorry. My daughter said you were pretty.”

“It’s true, I am.”

“And I could have taken it as a compliment but I was threatened. I don’t want to be replaced.”

“I am not replacing you. I have created a brand new position for myself. Abed and I already discussed it. I’m a fresh new character.”

“Awwww.”

Jeff and Buzz exaggerated their throat clearing and Frankie and Annie moved apart and finally registered their presence. Annie’s eyes were pink and Frankie appeared poised as always, her gaze toward them one of business.

“To what do we owe this pleasure?” Frankie smiled slightly but it was one of forced politeness.

Jeff placed his hand on Buzz’s shoulder and Buzz set down the mop. He stepped forward and said, “Annie,” his voice full of concern.

She smiled as she sniffed and walked over to him, allowing him to pull her into a quick embrace. He sniffed her hair as he felt her relax, and when they were done she looked up at him with Annie-hopefulness, and he finally let himself stop worrying.

“We had her all wrong.”

He allowed their conversation to fully hit him, and he titled his head in silent inquiry as Annie nodded.

“We did.” Annie turned toward Frankie and said, “I am so sorry. I had built you up in my head as some sort of monster, and I think we all thought you were here to take the school away from us when I can see now that you want to make it better, and include us. Why, you even included me today with the filing.” 

Frankie’s eyes shifted toward Buzz and she barked in rapid fire, “Okay, I’m very glad we’ve cleared that all up. See, I’m not the enemy. I’ve indulged your rogue group long enough, Professor Hickey. But now we’re done, do you hear me? It’s imperative that you and your gang or whatever it is you’re calling yourselves today stop inciting rebellion amongst the masses. It’s not healthy, and yes if in fact I was the leader of a fascist regime I’d allow it, but since that’s obviously not the case, can we just admit we got off on the wrong foot and make a truce?” She extended her hand and waited.

Buzz exchanged looks with Annie, and at her pleading expression he groaned and shook Frankie’s hand.

“Fine. I can’t believe you had us figured out.”

“You were a fine opponent, Mister Hickey. A fine opponent indeed. The problem is I’m not here to play. I’m here to get things done.”

Buzz nodded thoughtfully and after one more glance at Annie turned to Frankie again.

“I am too.”

“Excellent.”

Annie clapped her hands in excitement and bounced, with Jeff rubbing her shoulders as he murmured.

“Calm down, buckaroo.”

“No, I won’t. Frankie’s good for Greendale. She’s going to fix the daycare. She wants to make it easier for our kids to be here, so students like me can get an education.”

At this information, he was stunned and addressed Frankie, who remained unnervingly calm.

“Really? I thought you hated our kids.”

Frankie paused and then stated, “It’s true I’m not familiar with children and don’t know how to incorporate them into my organizational strategies, but I can recognize they are important to other people, and they are our future. It makes logical sense that we should not discourage parents from attending Greendale. City College has that as an advantage over us, and trust me I have been doing my research and we need to be able to complete.”

“I thought you were just here to fix Greendale, not enhance it.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Mister Winger. I’m here to  _ save  _ it.”

His instinctive urge was to take an overconfident braggart like Frankie down, but Jeff suddenly realized that she believed it. And glancing at Annie’s sparkling eyes and Buzz’s shrug, Jeff knew he shouldn’t question it. He extended his hand as well, and they shook.

“Welcome to Greendale. Maybe we can all finally have a real committee meeting and do something.”

Frankie nodded her agreement.

“As soon as I expel Kugler. There’s no room on this campus for that sort of tomfoolery.”

As they all shuffled out of the file room, Jeff turned to Frankie and asked, “Can we expel Garrett?” He gestured toward the form still down the hallway, and Frankie tensed, her eyes going wide.

“I think we should call an ambulance.”

“That usually doesn’t really help.”

“What on earth?”

Annie tapped Jeff’s arm and said, “I’ve got this.” She turned toward Frankie and explained, “You have a lot to learn. I’ll teach you.”

“Why thank you, I really appreciate that, Annie.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jeff and Buzz watched the two of them go down the hallway, chatting amicably as they sidestepped a moaning Garrett.

“Huh.”

“Huh.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Introduction to Movable Objects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang's mostly together for the big move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that Celery could still post two chapters within a week? It feels like the good ol’ days. A hearty welcome to our new readers.
> 
> There are some shifting POVs in this chapter, at times within a section. Hope it’s not too confusing, but Celery was just trying something out.

“Hey, slow down!”

Troy shouted back toward the far end of the long cardboard box, “Sorry, I guess I’m just excited!” 

He then stopped completely, causing the mop of blonde curls to fling over the other end, a scowling remark following along with a long string of the strangest and most creative expletives he had ever heard.

“Sorry, was I supposed to keep moving?”

“Of course you were, just slower. This isn’t a bloody tortoise racer’s brunch!”

Now completely enthralled, Troy remained rooted to the spot and tilted his head, waiting until Britta’s eyes inched over the end of the box. Her steely gaze amused him, but more importantly he needed to find out how she knew all those words.

“You’re talking real funny lately, Britta. Is this cause you moved out and now live with the Santa Wizard? He says _bloody_ all the time.”

She sounded annoyed for some reason as she asked, “Can you just move?” 

“Yeah, sure.”

They slowly but surely made their way past the foyer and through some coordinated efforts and the assistance of Jeff, who was wearing a baseball cap backward for some reason that made him seem cool yet should really make him lame and had been calling them back toward the living room, taunting Britta more than once or twice, before they finally placed the box safely on the floor. Troy dusted off his hands and sighed in satisfaction.

Jeff, seeming very amused himself, regarded both of them for a moment before he handed them each a can of Lets Cola. They accepted them gratefully, and Britta then plopped down on top of the box.

“God, what’s in this thing anyway?” She kicked the heel of her boot back and frowned before taking a sip. 

Troy wondered why she wore boots in the summer, but he knew better than to ask questions like that after she ranted at him about the evils of toenail polish. He was pretty sure she used some though, cause he found a bottle in their bathroom once and he was fairly certain it wasn’t Abed’s, and Penny never wore the color brown. He sighed as he remembered her mauve polished fingernails as they slid across his chest that morning. Although he used to pride himself on being a ladies man, or at least that’s what all the jocks praised him for, he had to admit that being only with Penny, and Abed of course, was really suiting him these days. He was maturing, for sure. 

He suddenly thought of Cheetos and tried to quiet the grumbling in his tummy.

Jeff was saying, “Troy had a good point about the colorful language. I take it Ian’s teaching you his supposed British gibberish? How’s that living together thing going anyway?” 

“It’s alright. It’s only been a week you know.”

Jeff remarked sardonically, “Oh, I know. Mostly because I somehow got roped into helping you move. Hope you guys are getting all cuddly with Chang. Does he sleep in your room? Scratch that, I don’t want to know.”

“And I helped your _mom_ move, jackass. And don’t forget what I’m doing for you _right now_.” Britta cast a long look around the living room and added, “This place is out of a catalogue or something. You and Annie really like to be conventional, which if I didn’t know you two on a weirder level, might be very off putting for me.”

“Awww, thanks.” 

Jeff batted his lashes and Britta rolled her eyes in response, their usual nonsense. In the meantime, Troy had been distracting himself from thoughts of Penny time and his grumbling belly and the hopes of snack time by scoping out the room and various boxes when his attention landed on the playpen near the back window. He bounded over and was delighted to see Sebastian, dressed in a Greendale onesie, seated inside along with his bear and a teething rattle.

Instinctively, he reached down and scooped him up. “Hey, my little man. Your favorite uncle is here.”

_“Goooooo!”_

He was all soft and squishy, just like a baby should be. Troy would have pinched his cheeks, but that was difficult to do with a can of Lets Cola. He placed the soda on the fireplace mantle and got to work on pinching.

Britta’s eyes went wide as she exclaimed, “Jeff! What is he doing here? It’s moving day. Shouldn’t he be with someone?”

Jeff shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the drips of sweat. It had already been a busy time, but they were making progress. The bulk of the furniture had been set into the appropriate rooms or areas and they were about halfway done with the medium and smaller boxes. He was thankful that he and Annie were moving from an insanely small place into a huge one. They really didn’t own that much furniture and the other stuff Annie had meticulously organized and labeled so he hadn’t needed to do much. Their friends all agreed to help with the move itself on the condition of pizza which was a pretty good deal. So far the only snag had been that Pavel had shown up because of the lure of free food, but even that had been more than welcome because the kid was surprisingly strong and his usual cheerful self.

Aloud, he explained, “Annie insisted on being here today, and he’s practically fused to her most of the time, so we just put him safely over there. We’re taking turns keeping an eye on him.”

“Where’s Sophie?”

“With Nancy, who very graciously let us borrow Ryan but was wise to sidestep this fiasco itself.” He added with a deadpan, “We didn’t think we could just trust the munchkin to hang out in a cagepen.” 

Britta nodded absent mindlessly and once again examined the box below her. At her inquisitiveness, Jeff pointed to the meticulously typed purple label which read, _Ruffles, general._

“Holy crap, you can’t just put her in there!”

Jeff chuckled as Britta leapt to her feet, and he explained, “I may be a jackass, but I’m not a monster. Ruffles is in the backyard. That is a box of all her stuff, including her crate.”

“ I thought she sleeps with Sophie?”

“She does, but we kept the crate. We didn’t know what she’d do in the new place, and Annie, always being prepared, wanted to give her options. I figure we’ll just throw it over there somewhere,” he gestured toward the far wall and continued, “and the furry beast can ignore it and do as she pleases, per usual. It’s kind of the modus operandi of our family.”

Britta chuckled and remarked, “Well, she does have a mind of her own.”

“Yup. I also figure the guinea pig can stay down here somewhere. God, do I not want the fine aroma of cedar chips floating its way into our bedroom when I’m trying to sleep.” 

They continued chatting about stupid stuff, and Troy did his best to keep Sebastian occupied. The baby had certainly seemed happy to see him per usual, his drooly mouth instantly forming a smile. Troy felt the spitty hands and remembered Annie saying she thought he was getting his first tooth early like Sophie, and he wondered if he’d try to bite him. That question was soon answered in the affirmative, but he was relieved it didn’t hurt. The guinea pig had done worse to him earlier this morning, and he was still considering how best to tell her that she had hurt his feelings more than it being just physical. 

“Hey, whoa there!” He fumbled as Sebastian continued to squirm in his arms. Although being comfortable with babies, he wasn’t used to them being this wiggly, and Sebastian had been getting increasingly restless lately.

At this exclamation, Jeff’s head snapped around and he half-shouted, “Troy, hand him here!” as he quickly made his way toward them.

“I got him, I …. Whoops.”

Luckily, his dance training kicked in, being muscle memory and all.

Jeff was staring down at him now, not looking pleased at all while also seeming relieved. Troy did his best to give a reassuring smile as he made sure to keep Sebastian in his arms. It wasn’t easy as the kid was so antsy, but he told himself to think of him like a football. The moment reminded him of one game at Riverside High, and it felt a little strange but he shrugged it off. Those were unhappy times.

“Oh my god, sweetie!”

Hearing Jeff use Annie’s usual wording was a little confusing, but Troy went with it and said, “I’m okay, Jeff. Thanks, though.”

Jeff was now taking Sebastian, and Troy realized with embarrassment that he had not been addressing him, but that was okay and probably more than understandable the more he thought about it. Jeff was on his knees and clutching Sebastian to his chest, murmuring that he was okay and safe. Slowly rising to his feet, Troy exchanged looks with an approaching Britta, and they both smirked but they were smirks of love.

“Awww.” 

Troy couldn’t help it, it was so damn beautiful. He had an urge to just pull everyone right into a hug but for some reason usually people didn’t like that. He remained grateful that Penny and Abed understood. And Abed wasn’t someone who was comfortable with touch, so that was definitely something coming from him. Now that they were past the crunchy onions incident, he was confident that he, Abed, and Penny could be all good again.

Britta gingerly approached, her boots not stomping in the way they usual did, especially around three am when she used to come home from a bar, and she crouched down so as to regard Jeff and the baby. Her eyes widened in concern, her hand going to Sebastian’s back as Jeff continued to cling to him. Troy considered he was kind of missing Britta’s gentleness. Sometimes she could be really nice, usually if Jeff wasn’t around. Troy frowned at that realization but then was instantly reassured as Britta continued to be compassionate.

“Jeff, he’s okay. He’s safe.”

Closing his eyes, Jeff took a deep breath and said, “Thank god.”

Now fully realizing that Jeff probably was mad that he almost dropped his baby, Troy felt a wave of guilt, which always made him cry. Making fists, he screeched, “I’m so sorry!” 

Jeff slowly opened his eyes and regarded Troy, his expression unreadable. Troy instinctively backed up, and Britta gave Jeff a reproachful look, and he sighed before remaining quiet. Britta then motioned for Jeff to stand but as he began to do so, Sebastian squirmed and turned outward. As Jeff tried to maneuver him, the baby launched himself toward the floor. Jeff lunged and half-caught him, but Sebastian had his hands down and kicked back. Judging by Jeff’s shriek, this was a new one, and he then let go, Sebastian squealing with delight as he scooted forward and then stopped. The whole thing was pretty cool, but Troy decided perhaps now was not the best time to comment given Jeff’s freaking out. See, he was maturing.

He wondered if Jeff and Annie had Cheetos.

Jeff plopped down on the floor and stared at his squirt in amazement, his heart rate still accelerated but rapidly recovering as he realized his son was fine and seemed very pleased with himself. He was on his hands and knees in the crawl position, something they had been practicing as Annie had insisted he was almost ready. Jeff had read the baby books and consulted with Shirley from Atlanta, and everyone told him that it was probably too early. Staring at his son now, however, he knew Annie was right. The kid was inching just a bit. It wasn’t really a crawl, more of a scoot, and then suddenly Sebstian plopped down on his belly and pressed his palms on the floor. He inched forward, this time with a bit more speed, before becoming exhausted and collapsing, his forehead softly landing.

“Wow, squirt, that was fickin’ fantastic.”

Jeff let himself breathe and reached forward to grab the baby. He sat down completely on the floor and positioned Sebastian in his lap, giving him a kiss on his head as he allowed his cortisol levels to drop.

Britta had been gasping, but she stopped and then joined them on the floor. She tickled Sebastian’s chin and cooed, “You freaked out your daddy, yes you did. Keep him on his toes.”

“Careful, Britta or you’ll catch baby fever and get yourself knocked up.”

She scowled for a second before softening her expression and saying, “That was kind of scary.”

“Yeah.”

Now finally convinced Sebastian was safe, Jeff sighed and turned to regard Troy, but he was gone. He was about to call out when he heard the rustling of a chips bag in the kitchen. He rolled his eyes and shouted, “Save some Cheetos for everyone! I am not going to the store again!”

  
  


X

X

Annie sighed in satisfaction as she knelt and lined up Sophie’s stuffed animals in her room. While everyone else had been hauling stuff inside, she had been busying herself with setting up a space for her daughter so that she could feel comfortable and secure her first night in their new home. So far Sophie had seemed excited about moving, but last night she seemed to be a little sad about the idea of leaving her old place behind. She and Jeff had helped her out by taking her around to say goodbye to all her favorite spots, and they took pictures so she could remember it. They then talked about the new place, emphasizing the ‘moat’ Sophie had been so interested in when they first saw the house a few weeks ago.

“You do stuff with her toys just like mom.”

She turned to see Anthony smiling slightly as he entered with a small box labeled, ‘ _Sophie, art supplies_.’ He made his way toward her and then carefully placed the box on the table near the window before shrugging and sitting on the floor so he could join her. Annie giggled as she moved Ruthie so her face was sticking out from under the bed.

“She likes it.”

“I know. Mom had her going crazy last week after she put Count Frogula on her chair before lunch.”

Annie raised her brows in surprise, now fully comprehending why Sophie had seemed more attached to her frog after she had spent last Sunday morning with her family. She and Jeff had left her with them so they could get some things ready for the move, and as things had been going so well with her mother lately she figured it would be fine. Sophie had babbled on and on about how funny her bubbe was, and now she understood.

She chuckled and said, “She loved spending time with you guys.” She then paused and turned to face her brother and added, “She’s going to miss you.”

She felt the tears start to form, and Anthony shifted as he became uncomfortable. The fact that her baby brother would be moving to Denver at the end of August was starting to sink in. They had attended his high school graduation two weeks ago, right after the end of that whole misunderstanding with Frankie, and somehow she felt it had put a lot of things to rest for her when it came to her own failure to graduate from Riverside High. She had been nervous about entering the gymnasium, but it had turned out to be anti-climatic other than when she and Jeff had left Sophie with her mother and snuck out so she could show him her old locker. The fact that Jeff had initially resisted her make out efforts proved only temporarily frustrating, and she was grateful that Dorie had been babysitting Sebastian for a couple hours. It had ended up being pretty hot.

“Aw, come on Annie. I won’t be that far away.”

“I know.” She sniffed.

“I’ll visit.”

“You should probably spend some time on campus, figuring out who you are. But yes, whenever you want,” She looked up at him and smiled as she added, “We have a guestroom. That’s part of how Jeff sold me on this place. He said it could be yours when you’re in town.”

At this, Anthony groaned, but she could tell he was touched. She scooted a little closer and said, “I’m proud of you. Watching you cross that stage and accept your high school diploma was amazing. You're all grown up.”

“Okay, now you just stop.”

They were in the middle of an awkward bear hug and Annie’s squeals when there was a soft knock at the open door. She turned and Anthony swatted at her, so she released him. The Dean was standing there, ducking his head in a bashful way, and he was clad in red Greendale overalls with a baseball cap turned backwards. His hands were in his pockets, and he half shrugged.

“Sorry to interrupt, but um, Annie, can we have a moment?”

She was startled to see him, as their last encounter hadn’t gone well. They had informed him a couple weeks ago about their intention to move, and he had put on a brave face and wished them well, stating he would miss them as neighbors. Jeff had warned her that it wouldn’t be that simple, and it turned out he was right. Just as soon as they had begun packing things up, the Dean’s usual thrice weekly dinner interruptions became more uncomfortable, and then last night he had come over and thrown pasta on the counter, sobbed, and ran out. He didn’t answer his door and wouldn’t accept calls. They heard a rumor he and Stephen had a potentially devastating fight, which made the whole thing worse.

She waved him in, and he accepted, Anthony taking advantage of the situation to run away, but she made a mental note to hug him again later. The Dean approached and sat down beside her, his face sullen and the rims around his eyes a shade of pink.

“It’s good to see you. Are you feeling better?”

He nodded and then sighed.

“I apologize for the way I behaved last night. I don’t have any right to be so possessive, but I’ll really miss you guys. You’ve been part of my family.”

“Awww,” she placed a hand on his shoulder as he sniffled. “I understand how it is to be emotional and sad. It’s okay. You’ll always be our family.”

“Really?”

“Of course. We’ll both still be involved with the school, and we just moved to have some more room for the kids. You can come over for dinner.”

“But probably not every other night, right?” He smiled sheepishly, and she smiled in understanding. He added, “I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure your new neighbors will be nice.” She looked at him hopefully, and he shook his head.

“I’ve actually decided to move myself. Why, I’m embarrassed to admit this, but since I’m being so honest, I’ll tell you: the only reason I moved there in the first place was to live next to you guys.”

She feigned surprise at this, and gasped a little, and he nodded.

“It’s true, but I know that makes me look crazy, so I’ve decided to move on and literally move. I’m getting a new place in Greendale, so don’t you worry, I’m not moving next door to this place.”

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.”

He mumbled quickly, “Plus nothing was available in this area.”

“What?”

They were interrupted by Jeff, who was standing with Sebastian in his arms. At the sight of the Dean wearing a matching hat, Jeff smiled tightly and addressed Annie.

“We have a development.”

X

X

She was thrilled that Sebastian was scooting. Sure, it wasn’t really crawling and more army-style pulling across the floor, but as soon as Jeff placed him down, she found herself clapping and encouraging him. The Dean had made some exclamations and then saw himself out, stating he'd be more than happy to help that strapping Thanos and Ryan haul in the couch.

“Awww, you are so adventurous!”

Sebastian stuck out his tongue in frustration as he scrunched up his fists and hit them on the floor. He then scooted forward a few inches. Jeff wrapped his arm around her as they sat watching him. 

He leaned over and whispered, “I’m sorry you missed the big moment.”

“It’s okay. You missed Sophie’s first crawl, so I guess it evens out.”

“Was Vaughn there for it?”

“Jeff.”

“Sorry.”

She silently remembered when Sophie had been ready, and Vaughn was there when it happened and he had been pretty excited about it, as had she. It was a fond memory, and although she knew she had never been in love with Vaughn she sometimes felt warm and fuzzy when she thought of him. He had been exactly what she needed at the time, someone to encourage her and to accept her daughter, someone to show her that it was possible for her to have a healthier relationship and to share things with, including Sophie’s milestones. Jeff wasn’t ready for that at the time, and frankly she wasn’t ready for Jeff, for something serious and committed. She felt a pang at the thought that Jeff missed out on Sophie’s earlier development, and this was mixed with the realization that none of that could have been possible. But he was here now, and he was enthralled.

She stole a glance at him, hoping he wasn’t still jealous of Vaughn, for he had to know by now he had her heart, utterly and completely. As he reached down and scooped a tired Sebastian up, she placed a kiss just below Jeff’s earlobe in the spot where he was most ticklish, and he muttered, “Annie.”

“I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone, and I’ve had some serious love fantasies.”

“I’m aware.”

He turned to her for a kiss when there was a loud throat clearing that earned their attention.

“Gag me.”

“Hi Britta.”

Jeff smirked at her and then turned and fully kissed Annie, and Annie found herself melting into it, not really caring that their friend was standing there. It was perhaps a loss of judgment, but he was seriously persuasive with kissing.

“Oh my god.”

Stopping, Jeff addressed her, “Don’t you think it’s rude to interrupt when we’re clearly having a moment?”

She rolled her eyes and stomped in, reached into her satchel, and handed Jeff a faucet.

“Oooookay.”

“It’s from your old place, jackass. Remember, as Abed says in season one I stole it from your condo but then you took it and then left it on the library steps?”

Jeff raised his brows and continued to inspect the item with wonder. 

“I did?”

“Yeah. You were distracted by watching Annie try to flirt with Troy that day. Don’t you remember?”

Jeff flushed, and Annie instantly felt intrigued. The fact that Jeff had been jealous enough of her painful attempts to engage Troy first year was surprising. She had been too caught up in her own self-consciousness to notice, but judging by Jeff’s reaction it was true.

“Thanks.” He regarded the faucet, which looked to be expensive, and then continued, “Why did you keep it?”

“I dunno. It looked cool.”

“And you’re giving it to me now because…?”

“I found it in my stuff when I was packing for my move, and I dunno, I just thought maybe you’d like to put it in your fancy new house, maybe get some matching turn thingies, you know merge the old Jeff Winger with the new. It’ll be cathartic.”

She left as abruptly as she entered, and they sat staring at her gift for a full minute in silence before Jeff cleared his throat and said, “That was very sweet of her.”

“It was. Maybe she is ready to move on too.”

“Yeah.”

X

X

An hour later, they were downstairs, Annie directing their friends as to where to put boxes while she nursed Sebastian in the kitchen, and Jeff rearranging the couch in the living room with Thanos. Troy, Abed, and Pavel were throwing stuff around with Ruffles in the backyard, and Ian was sorting kitchen supplies as Britta came in and out with various boxes.

“You’re a maaaad trippy doggie!”

She giggled at Pavel’s exclamation through the screen door and then noticed Ian’s movements.

“You don’t have to put dishes away.”

Ian sighed wistfully as he inspected a saucer. “I’m much better suited to this contemplative work. You have fine taste in teacups, Annie. And I hate to get sweaty unless I’m biking.”

“Or having sex.”

They both startled as Kevin waltzed in, his flip flops making an odd shuffling sound. He placed a box labeled _maternity clothes and bassinet_ plus a massive bag of Lets potato chips on the table and grinned. Ian swatted at him with a dish towel.

“Go away!” His eyes searched past him and spied an oblivious Dorie headed for the stairs with a pile of Olaf bedsheets and sighed in relief that she hadn’t heard that.

Kevin pleaded, “But we’re still roomies, we have crabs, and now that Britta’s with us, we’re a happy family.”

Annie continued to attend to Sebastian, who was staring up at her with his sweet blue eyes. She was vaguely aware of Ian and Kevin mock-arguing and considered that they were good friends by this point, despite Kevin’s at times outlandish comments. 

She was grateful for their friends and considered that the move was going swiftly since there were so many hands involved. She and Jeff had originally planned to hire movers and save their friends the trouble, but word had gotten around about their moving date, and everyone had eagerly volunteered. Jeff claimed it was the rumors of pizza but Annie suspected it was because they all loved them and it was an excuse to spend time together, plus it had been a lot of fun last weekend with helping Britta, Ian, and Kevin move into their new place. The only one not present was Frankie, but she wouldn’t have expected her there. They weren’t friends exactly, and Frankie definitely wasn’t part of the gang, although she had been growing on everyone.

She sniffed as she realized there was one other person who wasn’t there, and that was Shirley. She had already moved to Atlanta and true to her word there was no big send off. Annie had received a couple texts from her so far. Something about taking a part time job as a night baker for a retired detective since her father’s funds were low. Annie wondered how wise that was to assume even more work, but she remembered Shirley did always like staying busy.

Pierce then walked in carrying a two by four, looking confused.

Annie chirped, “What is that?”

He smiled bashfully and indicated with a tilt of his head, “Oh this thing? I had it in my garage, and I thought Jeffrey could use it for some manly projects. We could, err, work on them together.”

Buzz then came from around the corner and, at the sight of him, closed his eyes in pain for a second before opening them and murmuring, “Gimme back my wood.” He then motioned with an aura of impatience and Pierce sulked and handed it over.

Recognizing the tension and figuring it was best to attend to Pierce rather than get into why Buzz would be at their new house with wood, Annie said, “Pierce, could you please get me a diaper and a burp cloth from upstairs?” She had already buttoned up and was in the process of maneuvering Sebastian to her shoulder.

Pierce nodded eagerly and after casting Buzz a look and silently mouthing, _I told you I’m her favorite,_ left for the stairs. Buzz shook his head and mumbled something about the fence and headed out into the backyard.

Mystery solved, then.

She dabbed at Sebastian’s mouth with the burp cloth she already had, feeling slightly guilty at sending Pierce on an unnecessary errand, but she wanted to make him feel useful and not throw out his back trying to prove manliness. As she smiled at her son, Britta came scurrying in, her eyes wide with determination as she headed for Ian and Kevin.

“Guys, we have a situation.”

Ian turned to her while still eyeing Kevin with annoyance, and he asked, “What is it?”

Kevin began to redistribute the tea cups in the lower cabinet, and Ian shuddered.

“We should have seen it coming. He’s upset, he’s lonely, he’s not good with change, but who the hell is.”

As they all waited for Britta to get to the point, the Dean came zipping around the corner, his arms full of daisies. 

“I thought this place needed a little sprucing up!”

Annie squealed in delight, and he nodded at her with purpose.

“Awww, thank you!”

“Why, you’re welcome, Annie.” He turned toward the gang near the cabinets and asked, “Did anyone find some vases yet? I should probably put these in some water. We can figure out where they all go as the tables come in.”

Britta recoiled just a bit and shot a frantic look over at Annie, who was puzzled. The Dean was just being nice, and she didn’t understand the reaction.

As Ian handed him a vase, the Dean got to work on setting the flowers down on the counter and arranging some strategically in the vase, humming a light jazz tune. He then paused and remarked, “Why, isn’t it nice just the four of us here in the kitchen?”

Annie was slightly miffed that he seemed to be only addressing Ian, Kevin, and Britta and wondered what the hell was going on.

He continued, “To think soon we can have drop overs all the time! You guys have such a nice place from what I saw last weekend when I helped you move. I bet it could use some flowers. I’ll pick up some on the way home next week after I move in.”

Ian sputtered, “We’re not looking for another roommate.”

“Silly me, Britta I thought you would have told them the good news.” He grinned as he explained, “I rented the place next door! It was available, and seeing as I obviously needed a change, I snapped it up! Isn’t it marvelous?!?”

Annie made a tactical decision to go find Jeff and scurried out.

X

X

Shirley sat back on her tall stool, surveying the mounds of dough. It had been a productive evening, and she was full of relief as she considered everything could wait overnight to rise. Detective Butcher would only need to pop these delightful creations in the oven for a few minutes in the morning, and she had already mentioned this to him and written out instructions. His oven was low, and he had reassured her it wouldn’t be a problem.

Lord, she worried about that pasty man. Not only had he lost his wife in such a tragic way a few months ago, but he was paralyzed after pursuing the killer and couldn’t do a lot around his large gothic mansion in the swamps of Atlanta. He had a housekeeper now, which helped, but she knew that woman wasn’t around much and was a bit oblivious. Shirley had noticed the sulking and the putting on of a brave face.

And those baby blues and growing biceps.

She admonished herself for that, recognizing it was foolish and unwise to covet a man when she was still married. And he was just way too white, although Gary was worse which had prevented any transgressions in that friendship over the years, given they had kept in touch after he had moved back to Finland. Plus poor Devon had just lost his wife.

Not _Devon_. Detective Butcher. Just because she knew his first name didn’t mean they were on a first name basis. He always called her Bennett and she would reply with Butcher or Detective. It was kind of their thing.

She sighed and knew she must go back to her father, who was sleeping peacefully when she left him two hours ago. Her night baking gig was perfectly timed, and although she was tired, she felt satisfied in a way she hadn’t in a long time and the dark quiet hours gave her a lot of time to finally think, away from the craziness of campus, her business, and her children.

She stiffened slightly at the thought of her babies. She did miss them, but they were always so loud, and she had been fried before she left. She really meant it when she told Jeff that she planned on returning in better spirits and being more attentive and present.

With that thought, she hopped off the stool and dusted off her apron before placing it on her baker’s hook near the pantry and heading for the door.

“AAAAAAGH!!!!”

The cry startled her, and she leapt to action, running for the stairs. The mechanical chairlift was at the top, so she knew Detective Butcher was on the second level. He had said goodbye to her a little while ago and mentioned that his occupational therapist was there and helping him work on some things before bed. She hoped she had missed the therapist leave and that he was just having a nightmare. She rapidly ascended the steps and went to his room. It was empty so she turned and listened.

“Bennett! Are you there?!?”

She shouted, “I’m on my way!” and sprinted down the hall to the bathroom. 

When she arrived, she was treated to the sight of the Detective in the tub, a modest towel placed over him and an embarrassed grin on his face.

“I’m so sorry, but I tried to get out of the bath myself. Ingrid needed to go to the hospital because her son had an accident of some sort. We were working on bathing. She normally helps me get out.”

She startled at this and moved her glance from the towel, which was placed just so he was not indecent, to the far wall. She gulped and asked, “How in heaven did that woman expect you to do this yourself?”

“I told her I’d call you, but then I realized my phone was in the other room.”

“Your phone is right here.” Finally having regained her composure, she squinted her eyes and picked up the smartphone that, by the looks of the water splash pattern, had clearly just been accidentally hit off a now overturned chair as he had tried to get out of the tub. 

He flushed and stammered, “Silly me.”

“Butcher.”

“Bennett.”

“You will not mess with me, Detective.”

Rolling his eyes and then keeping them on the ceiling to avoid her furious glare, he explained, “Okay, fine. I admit I was ashamed to ask you to help me, but then I slipped and, well sometimes when you’re in desperate circumstances you do what you have to do. So I yelled.”

Her stance softening, she righted the chair and placed the phone on it as she asked, “Ashamed?”

“I don’t want you to see me like this, all weak.” Keeping his eyes on the ceiling, he paused and then added, “I mean, I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Not you specifically, of course.”

She felt a little lightheaded for some reason but didn’t want to analyze that at present.

“Um, of course. And...no! There is no shame in needing help. It’s not your fault you don’t have the use of your legs.”

He finally made eye contact with her again and sighed, “Yeah, yeah.”

She was suddenly aware of a familiar feeling, yet one that she hadn’t experienced in some time. It was a surge of righteousness, a profound sense of meaning and purpose. She felt alive. 

“Let me be your legs.”

  
  
  
  
  


[Fade to black]

  
  



	8. Intermediate Family Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophie exerts her influence

“God, yes….there….keep doing that...yeees.”

A “yes, milady” came in response, but it was muffled so it sounded more like, “ysmilldee.”

Annie leaned back and finally let go, wondering how she had been able to restrain herself after Jeff’s almost heroic feats of tantalizing, pulling back, and then going for it. Again and again. She muffled her cry per usual, with Jeff then joining her and shuddering as he came down. 

They remained in position for a little while, at first merely silent and panting and eventually they began peppering each other with soft kisses. Finally, Jeff pulled out and rolled off and then held her, stroking her hair as she ran her fingernails lightly across his chest.

She felt satisfied, and not just from the sex. It was their first night in their new home, and although they had been a bit overwhelmed with all the unpacked boxes and getting Sophie and Ruffles situated, they made sure to take the time to be physical with each other to celebrate as well as release some stress. As she lay in the soft lamp-lit room, she considered that all seemed well and right. Sebastian was sleeping peacefully in his crib near the far wall, and they were together, nestled in their bed and looking forward to creating more memories in a place they had chosen together.

“Awww.”

Jeff chuckled and placed a kiss on her head. “I know that awww. You’re getting sentimental already.”

“I love our new home, and I love you.”

“Ditto.”

Her smile was so intense it almost hurt, and she began a little more aggressive play for his nipples when he paused her in the most loving Jeff way, with slight reproach combined with bemusement. As much as he usually enjoyed that part of their lovemaking, he was likely hypersensitive at the moment and needed some time. When she was in this mode, however, she found it extremely difficult to wait. She lifted her head and met his kind eyes and tried her best bat of the lashes. 

He smirked. 

“Annie.”

“Oh, fine.” She scooted up a bit and gave him a quick but full lipped kiss and then propped her head on her hand as she turned on her side to completely face him. “I’m just really excited.”

Her eyes glimmered in the half-lit room, and he was instantly mesmerized. They had an exhausting day full of hauling, some unpacking, rearranging, and social time with their friends. They had made extra efforts to familiarize Sophie with her new room and make sure Ruffles was comfortable, and there had been an extravagant wind-down and bedtime routine for the both of them. Sebastian had required his usual care, and finally they had surprisingly energetic sex. 

Yet, Annie was still  _ on. _

He turned on his side as well and regarded her with amazement, letting his finger trace her clavicle in just the way that got her to giggle, which he both instantly kind of regretted and kind of didn’t. He wasn’t ready to go for round two and might not be at all given the day they had, yet it always gave him a sense of purpose when he was able to please her. Once again he silenced Britta’s comments about that and decided for the zillionth time he was okay with it. Utterly and completely okay.

“Jeeef.”

“Let’s just slow it down there.”

“Of course.”

She inched a little closer and then tapped his nose with her finger.

“I think we should talk about our wonderful new home. I have some ideas for the play area off the living room. But I’m not sure if we can keep Mister Flufferstein in there because her table’s taking up a lot of space.”

He nodded as if this conversation at this time and with their most recent sexual energy even made sense because he knew better by now and said, “Mister Flufferstein is staying put. There’s nowhere else downstairs where we can put that table since Ruffles will go ballistic if we put the cage on the floor. I’m not eating at our soon to be larger dining table with a guinea pig.”

“We could maybe put her upstairs?”

He took a long moment to reply, with a wave of munchkin-pleads still echoing in his ears. The exponential growth of his wife’s eyes would not sway him. He gave her a pointed look and then said definitively, “It isn’t even relevant because I know for a fact that the hobgoblins, of which only one is currently fully mobile but the other in close pursuit, will not limit themselves to your mythical play area and will fully take over our living room, dining room, and kitchen on their way to colonizing the backyard, leaving a trail of stickiness and slime in their wake. Nothing will be sacred, this will not be a Rachel Edlestein Edison household. We might as well accept this right now before we give ourselves ulcers.”

She chuckled and then suddenly furrowed her brow with concern, her hand going to his stomach.

“How is your ulcer?”

He sighed. “That was never confirmed. But the burning sensation seems to have gone away, most notably after we finished hauling all the crap in this afternoon. Despite my bravado, I’m pretty sure I only half-believed that we’d be able to live here until it actually happened.”

“Awww.”

There was a soft tap at the door, and they both knew what that meant. 

_ “Mommy, Daddy? Let me in...please?” _

The almost pitiful words were followed by one sharp bark. Jeff’s eyes widened and he hopped out of bed, quickly pulling on his pajama bottoms while Annie grabbed her long nightshirt. Jeff whispered something about hoping the dog wouldn’t wake up the baby before he shuffled over to the door and opened it, revealing a frowning Sophie, clad in her new footed Olaf pajamas. She rubbed her left eye and held her bear in the other. The furry white blob was by her side, tail now wagging profusely.

He hunched down and regarded her with understanding and then ran his hand over her curls and said, “Hey munchkin.” His eyes darted to the side as Ruffles scampered past him and jumped onto the bed. 

He had a hunch it wouldn’t be easy to get Sophie back into her new bedroom, and as much as he was hoping she’d adjust sooner rather than later, he found himself not really minding if she spent the night with them. Between him and Annie, he was probably the one who usually didn’t mind the least. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he never had the opportunity to spend the night with his parents, not that he had felt comforted by the presence of William Winger, but it at times would have been nice if he would have had the option of cuddling with his mom.

He had a moment of insight as to why he hadn’t been a cuddler and now was very much into it. With a surge of emotion, he wrapped his arms around Sophie, her little hands readily grabbing onto him as he lifted her up. He involuntarily sniffed her hair and smiled into it.

“Jeff.” 

Annie was arching her brow at him as she was attempting to shoo Ruffles off the bed. He walked over and placed Sophie between them, ignoring Annie’s implied huff as he focused completely on Sophie.

“What is it, munchkin?”

Sophie frowned and looked the saddest he had ever seen, and it tugged at his gut. This wasn't an ulcer sensation but a bona fide ache. He exchanged concerned looks with Annie, who was scooting closer to Sophie and ignoring Ruffles’ decision to remain where she was.

_ “I’m sad, Daddy. So sad. I can’t be this sad, Daddy.” _

“Oh, sweetie.”

Annie’s arm went around Sophie and pulled her closer, but Sophie’s eyes remained fixed on Jeff, and he couldn’t fathom why. He then considered maybe he was pretty good at this emotional attunement stuff with kids and that perhaps he was better at it than Annie. That thought amused and elated him, for he had for years coveted the way Annie seemed to understand Sophie’s quirks long before he did. It frustrated him, making him wonder if he was missing a chip. Sure, once he caught on he ran with it and the munchkin loved him to pieces but it still felt like a deficiency of somesort.

Now, tables turned.

He hid his smirk and addressed Sophie, “We’ve had a really busy day. A lot has happened.”

_ “Yeah, I want things in different places.” _

He nodded and attempted to reflect that he understood as he said, “I know, everything’s in a different place. We’re in a new house, and we’re going to be here for a very long time, but it’ll take a little bit to get used to things being in different places.” He leaned toward her and winked as he said, “But you know what? I bet by the end of this week, you’ll love your room and like where everything is in their new places.”

Take that, Annie. He internally squealed.

Sophie seemed to consider this for a longer moment than he had anticipated, her eyes going down to her bear and then re-meeting his.

_ “I want things in different places.” _

For some reason she seemed to be glaring at him rather than seeming sad, and although it undermined his previous hunch that he was being intuitive he looked to Annie, who was watching Sophie carefully, her lips pursed in thought.

“Sweetie, I think you should tell us why you’re upset. You want something in a different place from where it is?”

Well, that was a slightly different take on his interpretation, but it made more sense.

Sophie nodded and began sucking her thumb, which although regressive for an almost five year old seemed pretty adorable. Jeff inched closer to her and ventured, “Are you mad at me for putting something in the wrong place?”

Instantly, Sophie’s expression changed to one of vindication, and his chest swelled with pride although he had a feeling he was going to be chastised. She took her thumb out of her mouth and jabbed her index finger into his chest as she barked,  _ “I’m mad, Daddy! You put Mister Flufferstein downstairs all by herself. She’s very lonely, and she’s sad. I’m sad. Ruffles is sad. Ruffles wants to eat her but I don’t. I want her in my room, but you said NO. Why are you so mean?” _

He stifled his laughter and tried to demonstrate he was taking this very seriously indeed as he avoided Annie’s gaze and replied, “I know you want Mister Flufferstein in your room, but you know what you said about Ruffles wanting to eat her? That’s why she’s downstairs. Because she’s safe down there and Ruffles can’t eat her. And she likes it down there. She doesn’t have to worry that Ruffles will eat her. So I’m sure she’s sleeping right now.”

_ “She’s not, Daddy. She’s crying.” _

“Now, you can’t hear her from here, she’s….”

“Jeff.”

“Annie, let me…”

_ “I checked on her, and she’s crying, Daddy. Ruffles came too and Ruffles sad.” _

“You went downstairs by yourself?”

_ “No, Daddy. You don’t listen. Ruffles came too.” _

He closed his eyes and emitted a long sigh. Annie’s hand on his shoulder helped, but he felt torn. Although it didn’t feel great to be half-yelled at by their kid, part of him admired her gumption, and then instantly part of him worried that she’d gone down all those stairs in the dark by herself. He could have sworn he had put up the baby gate to block her passage, but he must have forgotten in all the chaos. He had images of her tumbling down, and he tensed.

“Jeff?”

“I’m sorry, munchkin. You know what? Maybe I was wrong. We can probably find a space for Mister Flufferstein’s table, but we’ll have to move some stuff in your room.”

_ “Really, Daddy? Yay!” _

“But I need you to help me. You might have to make some hard choices. Like if you want your bookcase near the window or near the door.”

“Jeff, are you serious? You know she didn’t really...”

_ “Thank you, Daddy. Now I’m not sad anymore. And I’m not mad. I love you.” _

“Love you too, munchkin. Thanks for telling me you were mad at me.”

Sophie smiled, her tearstained eyes looking damn adorable, and she tugged on his hand.

_ “Let’s go, Daddy. We have to change my room and get Mister Flufferstein.” _

“How about we do this tomorrow?”

The eyes ballooned, and he was a goner. Ignoring Annie’s gasps which were a combination of incredulity as well as awwws at the sweetness, he picked Sophie up, and they went to do the door where he placed her on the ground and took her hand and sighed.

“Okay, munchkin. Let’s do this, but if you get tired let me know and you can just sleep with us and we’ll finish it tomorrow.”

_ “No, I like my new room. I love my Olaf pajamas and my Olaf sheets and my Olaf from Grandma.” _

“So I guess we didn’t screw everything up then. Huzzah.”

Sophie prattled on,  _ “I want to be Olaf because he can take off his arms.” _

“Very nice, that could be useful, I suppose? But didn’t you want to be Anna or Elsa?”

_ “Mommy’s Anna, Bubbe is Elsa, silly Daddy.” _

“What about me?”

_ “You’re Sven.” _

“Ahh, so I’m a moose. That’s fine.”

_ “Hi Sebastian!” _

Jeff followed Sophie’s delighted gaze past him and turned to the crib. A seated and drooly smiled Sebastian was staring at his sister through the bars. Now having completely lost interest in Jeff, Sophie walked past him and began talking to her brother, holding up her bear as a point of interest. Jeff groaned and was aware of Annie approaching and of Ruffles now seating herself inconveniently on top of his feet.

As Annie leaned over the crib and picked up the baby, she cooed, “Sweetie, you’re up. I didn’t hear you.”

_ “He missed me.” _

Annie motioned Sophie over to the bed with her head, and Sophie followed. 

“Sweetie, I think you and Ruffles should sleep with us tonight. Daddy will check on Mister Flufferstein and tell her a bedtime story, and then she’ll stop crying and go to sleep.”

God, Annie was a genius. Although a minute ago he had been perfectly willing to sacrifice himself to Sophie’s whims, he had to admit he didn’t relish the idea of hauling the lettuce muncher upstairs at this hour. He smiled gratefully over at Annie, who tilted her head in sympathy before readdressing their children.

“Now, why don’t we read a story?”

Annie placed Sebastian to her left before reaching over and assisting Sophie in climbing into the bed. Jeff nudged Ruffles out of the way and trotted off to Sophie’s room and grabbed a Frozen book. On his way back, he went over to the top of the stairs and noticed that he was not losing his mind. The baby gate was firmly in place and locked.

He smirked at the realization that he had been played.

“You’re a genius too, munchkin.”

X

X

It was a sunny and humid morning when Jeff waltzed into the office. His real office at Riverside Family Law. Although he had been working hard under Annie’s tutelage at leading his summer class at Greendale, he had also been devoting energy to his firm, mostly handling the Borchardt stuff which while unusual in its scope didn’t demand him to attend to it at specific times. 

He mostly had to make a bunch of calls, fill out various forms, and send some detailed emails in efforts to resurrect a man from the dead. They had a court hearing coming up which would likely only be a formality, as Borchardt had submitted the necessary DNA and fingerprints to prove his identity. He and Mark had gotten him set up in a former abandoned and foreclosed small house on 5th not too far from the school, with plans to purchase fully from the bank by the end of the month. Although he could have afforded more, Borchardt had been insistent that he felt more at home in cramped quarters than a sprawling mansion and even with Mark, Jeff, and Penelope’s efforts at trying to help him furnish it, he had been mostly content with a mattress on the floor, his filing cabinets stuffed with notes, kitchen supplies, high speed internet, and of course Raquel.

“Hey Tango, long time no see.”

He rolled his eyes as he grabbed his mug and began to pour from the decanter, silently marveling at Marks impeccable taste in coffee. “I’m here every day, Cash.”

Mark fluttered about, his eyebrows wiggling and Jeff wondered what was up. “Yeah, um, but not usually in the mornings.”

“I am, twice per week. And afternoons the other days.”

“Right, hey, do you have a second?”

He took a moment to take a long sip, half delighted in watching Mark squirm. It wasn’t because he disliked him of course, but more because when Mark was in this type of mood it was always amusing and not serious. If it had been an actual crisis Mark would be silent and intense.

“Join me in my chambers.”

“ _ Chambers?  _ We’re not judges.”

Jeff grinned and motioned Mark down the hallway to his office and once inside closed the door.

“Thanks.” Mark smiled apologetically as he slid into the Hawthorne throne and Jeff made himself comfortable behind his desk, taking the opportunity to remove his suit jacket since it was so damn hot and considered maybe they could use an air conditioning repairman, even if that repairman did tend to feel like a slut. He wondered where Penelope was but then remembered she was coming in late today due to a trip she and Troy (and he assumed Abed?) had taken over the weekend. She hadn’t said much and he didn’t want to pry since she was his employee. He had gotten more out of Troy on Friday, who had mentioned something about a film festival in Denver and needing to get out of the apartment since they were sad that Britta had moved out, before they were interrupted by a perplexed Frankie who was conducting a student census for some reason and asking everyone their nickname.

“What’s up?”

Mark wiped his brow and let out a low whistle, so Jeff was pretty darn sure the matter was not serious. At all. He leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head, and waited.

Casting a furtive gaze to the side, Mark explained, “I’m getting nervous, Tango. I could use a pep talk.”

“Oh for crying out loud, is this about your upcoming nuptials? You’ve got this.”

With the most pained expression Jeff had ever seen, Mark stared at him for a hot second before he gasped, “It’s my big day! What I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little boy! What if it doesn’t go according to plan?”

For the first time that morning, Jeff realized Mark was clutching his wedding binder along with a small white paper bag. Deciding that this was serious for Mark, Jeff cleared his throat.

“You’re gonna be fine. You love Jenny, she’s crazy about you. Take it from a man whose own wedding plans got derailed.”

“But the  _ plans _ , Jeff. There’s a harpist, an overarching blue balloon filled with red roses, and a ten tier cake..”

“Wait, why ten tiers?”

“Because I love cake, and then there’s the gourmet coffee bar, scone bar, and lush red velvet seats for guests, and a million other things that I’m too stressed to think about and it could all go wrong!”

As Mark reached into the bag and began shoving his morning donut in his mouth, it was not only confirmed that Penelope was not the one who supplied the office with donuts but also that Jeff was dealing with a nervous bride(groom). 

He smiled in sympathy and said, “The only thing that matters is that you and Jenny are happy, and that probably just means you get hitched. I can have a lovable weirdo on standby who is an ordained internet minister should your officiant bail, so we’ve even got that covered.”

Mark stilled and glanced up from his glazey mess, Jeff shuddering as the crumbs tumbled off his chest and onto the Hawthorne throne. He supposed Pierce wouldn’t notice on his next visit, but he munchkin would, and then he’d have to deal with finding her donuts. By the time she was here this afternoon for their planned daddy-daughter date, he was pretty darn sure there would be no donuts left.

Mark mumbled, “You really think none of the rest matters?”

“I do.” He paused as he added, “And it’s really all about saying  _ I do. _ I’ve been through this. My wedding with Annie, while not the one of her dreams, ended up being one of the happiest days of her life. She had a wedding binder and everything, and while we even originally planned throwing a party after the elopement, please notice we never ended up doing that either because by that time we were on to other things, like expecting another baby and just a million other life things. I hope your party goes off the way you want it Cash, but don’t let the worries consume you. Jenny puts up with your lunacy, so she’s a keeper. I’m sure you’ll have many happy years of wedded gastronomical bliss.”

At this, Mark nodded and his eyes welled with tears. Jeff instinctively backed up his chair but was too late as Mark rushed around the desk toward him and pulled him into a sticky hug.

“I’m so happy you’re my best man! You give the best Winger speeches!”

“Now, now, I give the  _ only  _ Winger speeches.”

It was then there was a soft tap on the door, and Jeff welcomed the interruption as his shirt was getting greasy. He shouted, “Come in!”

After a long creak, Wally’s fuzzy mane filled the gap and he regarded them for a tedious and awkward moment before clearing this throat.

Jeff sighed and asked, “What is it?”

Casting an unreadable glance at a contented Mark, whose eyes were closed as he hummed softly while wrapping his slobbering fingers around Jeff’s shoulders, Wally stated, “It is good I have located both of you. I would like a quick meeting.”

Grateful for the reprieve, even if it were Wally, Jeff quickly disentangled himself from a mildly frustrated Mark and motioned Wally to take a seat, which he promptly did so in the regular client chair while Mark scooted over to the Hawthorne throne.

“What is it?”

Wally cast glances at them both and then stated in a measured tone, “I wanted to provide you both with news that I will be unavailable to work my full hours for the months of November and December. I understand this might put you in an inconvenient position, which is why I am informing you now so you have time to make the necessary arrangements. Of course I understand if you are cross with me, but I hope you will take it upon yourselves to consider how much I am of aid to this firm and do not partake of illegal substances unlike others from a past firm we shall not mention. I am loyal and discreet. You may count on Wallace Ellery Stone.”

Jeff had been nodding away, doing his best to focus as it was always a little bit difficult to do in the presence of Wally’s eerie and oddly formal demeanor. He took a moment for his mind to catch up to the words and then exchanged looks with Mark before remarking, “You need some time off near the end of the year?”

“Yes, that would be most suitable.”

“How much time?”

“About half.”

Mark shrugged as he finished his donut and then began licking his fingers. Through smacks he said, “I don’t think that’ll be a problem, will it Jeff? I mean he’s giving us plenty of notice, so we can adjust the workflow. And you took off time several months back, and Wally was a real asset.”

“Well, yeah but that’s because I had a new baby to take care of.”

“Ainsley and I are expecting an infant.”

They both turned to stare, mouths open.

“No shit.”

Wally bristled at Mark’s profanity and Jeff could tell he made a calculated decision to not mention it. Instead, he nodded and confirmed, “Yes, starting a family has been very important to us. Although we had hoped to do so much sooner, alas it was not meant to be. This time we are more confident in extending the news. I hope you will consider my request for time, but I will leave it to you both to discuss in private.” With that, he rose and exited. It was too swift for them to stop him.

As the door closed, they exchanged bemused looks.

“Well of course we’re going to let him take time off, but damn I’d like to see that baby. I wonder if it’ll have his hair?”

Jeff shrugged and said, “That would be very interesting to see, I’ll admit. And yes, I think we should extend our parental leave policy to our associates. Speaking of…” Jeff wiggled his brows and Mark blushed.

“Not yet. We’ll get around to it, but we kind of want it to be just for a little while.”

“I’ll never know what that is like, but you know what? I’m pretty okay with that.”

“Your kids are adorable, Jeff.”

“They are. And I have a feeling munchkin number one is off to a fine career in either law or drama. I’m not yet confident as to which and not sure that it matters, but her deception abilities grow stronger by the day. Either that or I may be, as my mother in law says on occasion, a  _ schmuck, _ but I think that’s highly unlikely.”

“You wanna another donut? I’ll go tell Wally we’ve agreed and it’s all good.” Mark rose and Jeff could tell by his expression there was one donut left and that it would be best to have mercy on him.

“No, thanks. You can have it.”

“You sure, Tango?”

“Yes.”

X

X

It was three o’clock when Penelope interrupted him as he was about to hang up on Pierce.

“Jeff, you have a special visitor.”

_ “My name is Sophie Edison Winger ask a choir, Penny. Tell him!” _

“Oh, I’m sorry. Jeff, this is Miss Sophie Edison Winger, Esquire here to see you. It’s a very important meeting.”

Jeff suppressed his smile and turned to see Penelope ushering in a very pleased munchkin, who to his incredulity was sporting a knee-length shiny purple Frozen Anna pajama dress, green and white striped leggings, and pink combat boots. To literally top it off, she had on a pink baseball cap that read  _ Rodef Shalom Sliders. _

“I’m very happy you could make our important meeting, Miss Winger.”

Sophie blushed and then held her hand to her mouth as she slowly walked toward his desk, Penny giggling behind her. Troy, clad in his repairman overalls, poked his head in and gave Jeff a thumbs up. He supposed he knew who had coached her.

_ “I’m very….what do I say, Troy? Peas or Pleased?” _

“Pleased.”

_ “I’m very pleased to see you, Daddy, I mean Mister Daddy ask a choir.” _

“Did someone ask for her Grandpa Peas?”

“Not now, I have to go.”

Jeff put down the office phone and turned his full attention to his visitor and waved his hand for her to sit. She looked up at the chair awkwardly before she burst into laughter and ran toward him so he could scoop her up onto his lap. A giggling Penelope and Troy took their leave.

_ “I missed you, Daddy.” _

“I missed you too, munchkin. Hey, where’s Mommy?”

“She’s at school. Frankie’s mad and Mommy and Sebastian are trying to make her not mad.”

He sighed and patted her on her baseball cap, remembering their fun tee ball times at her old preschool. He wondered if there was a team at her new elementary school and made a mental note about inquiring as well as looking into it for Sam.

“How did you get here?”

_ “Grandma.” _

“Wait, is she still here?”

_ “No. She said Frankie is mad and she has to help the Dean. And Ian because everyone’s worried about Ruffles. But I’m not supposed to tell Frankie. No doggie. But I really want to tell Frankie about my doggie. I told her I had a doggie and she said she doesn’t like doggies but I told her she should come meet her but she didn’t listen to me.” _

While he was pretty sure Sophie prattling on about her dog was completely disinteresting to Frankie and that she likely hadn’t registered that Ian was hiding a dog from her on campus, he wasn't completely sure and felt the itching return to the back of his neck. At the urge to pick up his phone, he looked into his daughter’s eyes and felt guilt, so he refocused on the most important and present things.

“Let’s get to planning your birthday party. First, I think we should consult with Mark, because he knows how to plan really fun parties, and then we’re going to SuperPartyCity to pick out your balloons. Finally, we have the smoothie bar. Because maybe you’d like smoothies at your birthday or maybe it’s just an excuse for us to get smoothies today.”

_ “I love smoothies.” _

“I know.”

He hoisted her to his shoulder and carried her off, calling out, “Hey Mark, we need your expertise!”

“Thank god, I was about to eat this whole thing from all the stress!”

“Is that a pie?”

“I’m weak, Jeff. So very weak.”

_ “I love pie too.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Heroic Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A saga of triumph, ingenuity, and passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to the Community discord #fanfic channel for their encouragement and humor. This chapter is dedicated to Readymcreaderson.

It had been a turbulent time post WWI when the massive wave of Greek immigration came to the United States shores. New York was quickly saturated, and life was hard with the filthy streets, rats, and cramped housing, but it had been worth it due to the promise of economic opportunity in the land of the free. An enterprising soul Demetrius dreamed of a better life, one that wasn’t constrained by the echoes of Ottoman rule and the Balkan wars. A life that was about providing pleasure, for Demetrius was a jovial fellow who liked to laugh heartily and spend his downtime leisurely, secure in the love of his friends and his woman. He had spent many years painstakingly market testing the perfect leather and wooden phallus, at times adding polished ends and carved rings. He had always suspected that his ancestor was the first one in that prehistoric cave in Germany, given his unusual last name, but alas it could not be proven. 

As New York continued to grow, Demetrius headed west to the land of the cowboy, the plains of the lonely rancher. He knew a market opportunity when he saw one. Within five years, his shop was flourishing. He had called it the Ye Olde Shoppe because the Englishmen liked it that way. It was a sad fact of life that despite his products being the best in the western frontier, there was still a fair amount of prejudice directed toward tanned fellows, despite their otherwise pleasing appearance. 

Demetrius was certainly handsome, but although he had his pick of the ladies, he remained true to his missus. Soon enough they began to have children, and Demetrius didn’t worry about providing for them, as his devices, or as he preferred to call them, curiosities, were flying off the shelves. They were packaged discreetly and he also needed to sell various other toiletries and such to provide respectable cover, but word spread amongst the locals. Demetrius gleefully sold his wares and built his empire.

His eldest son Calix soon grew, married, and had one child of his own. Demetrius had some fond days with his family before he succumbed to a quick illness shortly after the second World War. He was surrounded by his family and at peace, knowing that his sons had all been domestically posted during the war and were spared its most awful moments. Calix soon took the reins of the Ye Olde Shoppe and began to train his son Kirios on how to run the place. Kirios showed a fine aptitude for it, but to his father’s dismay, did not marry and remained a confirmed bachelor. Calix began to worry about the Ye Olde Shoppe, but as the 1980s wore on, Kirios reassured him that he could handle it and would make arrangements to keep it in the family. He sent word to relatives in Greece. 

Calix passed away in the late 1990s just as young Thanos arrived, young and eager to make a life for himself in America. He was the descendant of Demetirius’ older brother Deo, a man who had done fairly well in Greece despite WWI and had inherited the family money which had left Demetrius no other options but to head to the new world. Deo’s family alas had ended up on hard times by the end of the twentieth century, hence Thanos’s voyage. It helped that Thanos had an adventurous spirit and had been regaled by tales from his distant uncle about the Shoppe. Upon arrival, he immediately ingratiated himself with the customers and educated himself on how Americans went about things, and it became plain to him that his uncle Kirios was too old-school and was missing out on a huge market. For Greendale Colorado was no longer a prudish town, and people needed their devices, and it was imperative that they know where to quickly find them. Thanos pressed his uncle, who was initially reluctant, to make some changes.

“Agapitos mou Theios, I know you’ve been trying to be discreet, but you’ve been too hidden.”

Kirios looked up from his accounting, taken slightly aback that his nephew would speak to him like that. But then he noted Thanos’ winning smile, the smile that the customers had started to remark upon, particularly the ladies and certain gentlemen, and he melted. He couldn’t stay mad, so he asked some questions.

“What do you mean by that, Thanos?”

Another smile came, as did the glimpse of an entrepreneurial spirit. Thanos comically rubbed his hands together to get his uncle to laugh and ventured, “I was thinking...Agapitos mou Theios, you are not making proper use of our family name.” He wiggled his eyebrows and waited.

Kirios frowned, at first a bit befuddled. The family name went back centuries, to around 1400 AD, which happened to be when the term dildo was first coined. It originated from the Latin for dilatare, which means, ‘open wide’, and the Italian for delight, which translates as ‘diletto’. The first specific ancestor they could trace, and he knew because Thanos had been doing meticulous research on this for some reason and he couldn’t stop the dear boy, was an artist and painted vases depicting their now wares in group and solitary activities. The drawings and the actual devices were even mentioned in Aristophanes’ comedy Lysistrata. As he thought, it dawned on him what his nephew was proposing.

“Nooooo, Thanos! We use our name for the books, but our customers cannot know it! Our receipts…”

Thanos shook his head and laughed heartily before slapping his uncle (the nerve but alas he couldn’t be mad), and exclaiming, “If they know our name, they will love it! They will come! And more will then come!”

“How do you mean _come?”_

“In all ways.”’

Kirios scowled, but as his precocious nephew kept nonverbally coaxing him, he finally relented.

The Ye Olde Shoppe became Dildopolis.

xxxxxxxx

Kirios sighed as he reflected on the years since Thanos had arrived. Dildopolis had certainly been successful, more so than he had ever dreamed, and it was good to have family around. His nephew had courted his friend’s daughter Daniela and married her, eventually having children that Kirios considered his grandchildren. That little Dino especially was always looking to be helpful, even if he tended to carry around his baseball bat at odd times. Thanos had a knack for marketing and although he wasn’t that interested in selling their wares on the floor, he kept the website updated, followed up with any customer complaints, and was always looking for ways to expand revenue. It was a seedy neighborhood, which had gotten worse over the years, and Kirios initially thought it might be a problem and had the impulse to move the shop to Riverside, but Thanos convinced him that their customers were drawn to the sketchiness and it had become part of the Dildopolis charm. Plus, he mentioned something about it being an excellent location for parking fees. The fact that Thanos had also taken upon himself to rent the upstairs apartments to several ladies, emphasizing that he knew none of them would trash the place and were good for their rent, was helpful. 

That was how they had met Annie. Kirios considered now his original impression of her was not completely accurate, but he was so accustomed to the other ladies by that point that he naturally assumed until Thanos had corrected him. His nephew knew how to read people better than he ever could, and he trusted him when he had told him that they needed to look after her and to ignore that Jeff guy because he wasn’t the problem but to shine flashlights in the dirty toed one’s eyes at every opportunity and to make sure to make it extra cumbersome for the baby daddy to enter on the rare occasions he visited. Kirios didn’t have the mental energy to keep up, so he placed his trust in his nephew and let him sort all that out. That’s what he tended to do with most things over the past few years, and It had worked thus far and he was sure Dildopolis had a bright future.

“Hey _uncle._ What’s going on today?”

He smiled at the English term, knowing that Thanos used that on the occasions he wanted something. He chuckled and motioned him into his office and then sat back in his cushioned chair behind his desk. Thanos plopped down and leaned forward, his hands clasped and his expression one of earnestness.

Damn, he loved that boy.

“I’m well. You ask because…?”

“I could perhaps use a favor?”

Kirios squinted at him and nodded, not being all that concerned. Profits had tripled over the past six months, and that was mostly due to Thanos’ idea of holding a raffle for the most obscure wares, even going as far as commissioning replicas of the ancient devices. He had to admit Greendale residents had an interest in affected scholarly pleasure.

“Could I have the afternoon off? It’s for a friend.”

“Ah. You’re not working tonight, so this would mean you won’t return until tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

Thanos’s brown eyes grew several times their size, and Kirios stifled a smile. Instead, he ventured, “What is wrong with your friend?”

“His wife left him.”

Kirios nodded solemnly and considered his nephew was a caring young man. Never one to discourage virtuousness, he acquiesced.

“Thank you, uncle! I am much appreciative.”

“Go then.”

Thanos grinned and hopped up, giving a wave as he sailed out the door.

xxxxx

Thanos stopped abruptly at the sight of the old man that Annie considered a friend. He never got the reasoning behind that. Sure, he was loaded but he was racist and just really unpleasant. But being loyal to the Edison-Wingers, he turned on the charm and approached.

The old guy, who had been attempting to hide the fact that he had already noticed him, looked up from his perusal of aisle two and let out an affected whistle.

“Oh, Thay-nos! I didn’t see you there.”

“Mister Hawthorne, it’s a pleasure as always. How may we help you today?”

“You may call me Pierce, remember?”

“Ah, yes, but old ways die hard.” Thanos grinned in his knowledge that he was on his way to better places and figured indulging the guy for a few minutes wouldn’t make much of a difference. Plus, Annie would be happy if she knew, not that he’d go to the trouble of telling her. It was just something he felt in his heart was a nice thing to do. Jeff would feel differently and tell him not to bother, but he paid that thought no mind.

Pierce continued his awkward shuffling and pointed vaguely over to some devices. “I don’t know which ones… the pink or the ones with the feathers?” He smiled bashfully and someone sinisterly, which was an odd combination that Thanos had only encountered with Pierce.

Blinking twice, Thanos finally nodded and reached over to tap a box near the back of the third row. “This one.”

“I can’t see it. It’s in the box.”

“We don’t let it out of the box.”

“Oooooh, then it must be extra special.”

“It is.”

“Ahem, Thanos?”

Thanos and Pierce turned to see Kirios shaking his head very slightly as he had been listening in for likely a few moments. He had a wry smile but only Thanos could recognize it. He made a shooing motion and stated, “Go, your friend is in distress. Comfort him.”

“Are you sure? I was just telling Mister Hawthorne here…”

“Go. I will help Mister Hawthorne. He is a loyal customer and he deserves the owner’s attention, don’t you think?

“Yes, uncle.”

Thanos bid his adieu and jogged out toward the parking lot.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It was about a half hour later when he arrived at the new house. It had taken a few minutes to get the kids situated in the car, but thankfully Daniela had helped with that, and she had been eager to have some child free time to herself. Thanos hopped out of the car and then swung the back door open.

_“Papa, it’s so big!”_

Thanos considered the house was large, and if he were honest with himself, which he tried to be, part of him was a bit envious of it, but then he remembered he and Daniela were saving for the important things. Dino and Maria were going to go to college, and although he wouldn’t want to offend so he never mentioned it, it would not be Greendale Community College. They had a house of their own in Greendale, since it was more affordable, and a tiny yard. It was really as much house as they actually needed, and the kids were happy. He had no wish to be a lawyer like Jeff; that just seemed really unpleasant.

He laughed at Dino, who was staring wide eyed at the Edison-Winger residence and then tapped him on the nose. “Yeah, it is. There’s a pretty nice yard in the back so you and Sophie can go mess around.”

Dino smiled and clasped his hands around his bat in a low-key giddiness, and Thanos’ heart swelled. He reached inside to undo the straps on his booster seat and then felt the slap on his back. He turned to see Andre and instinctively stepped back.

It was a painful moment to be sure, and normally Thanos didn’t want to offend, but he was still processing the news about Andre and Shirley. He understood there were marital troubles and he already knew about the stripper and he hadn’t wanted to be too judgmental, although he could never imagine doing something like that to Daniela, his angel. But now he had also heard from Jeff that Shirley had been the one to leave and his heart kinda went out to the guy, and he did by now consider him a friend. 

“Hey, man.”

Andre smiled politely but had noticed the step back, and Thanos quickly recovered with some honesty, which he noted usually helped in these sort of situations.

“Hey, Andre. Sorry, but I just wasn’t expecting you to be here. I thought you were Jeff.” He paused and then added with a quick glance toward Dino before lowering his voice, “I heard about you and Shirley. I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t see that coming. I wasn’t sure what to say to you about it, but hey, I’m here.”

Andre visibility relaxed his shoulders and patted him once on the shoulder in that awkward way they sometimes did, and Thanos considered Andre probably did need a friend. He was kind of glad Jeff had invited him over too, given the circumstances. 

Aloud he mused, “No guy should be alone after he’s been through that.”

Andre sighed in response and then tilted his head to address Dino, “Hey little man, I brought Ben with me. He really wanted to see you.”

_“Oh, that’s very special, Mister Andre.”_

Andre arched one brow and remarked, “Your kid is always so weirdly polite. How do you get him to do that?”

Thanos shrugged and got to work on liberating Dino and then Maria.

xxxxx

A few minutes later, Andre had helped him get everything into the house, and he took a good look around now that Jeff and Annie had gotten more settled. It was shaping up nicely, and he noticed the couch and table were centered and the television was anchored to the far wall. Jeff had teased him a bit about doing some manly projects this afternoon, but he of course knew that Jeff was asking him over for a playdate, and he wasn’t completely convinced it wasn’t just for the kids. He considered it probably would have been a bit tiring to spend the whole afternoon with his one year old and six year old. He loved his kids, but it was kind of an awkward age difference. His eyes lingered on the large television and wondered if videogaming was on the agenda.

There were shrieks coming from the backyard, and then Jeff emerged from that direction, his hair slightly spikier than usual and perhaps with more than a hint of not careful dishevelment. He grinned and motioned for Dino.

“Get back here. Sophie and Ben need some help.”

_“Hello, Mister Jeff. Yay!”_ Dino squealed and tore past them all. Jeff watched him go and then shrugged.

“I guess he’ll figure out where to go from the screams.”

“They okay back there?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Andre chuckled and then explained, “We’ve got Troy and Abed on babysitting duty. They have it all worked out back there, with the blankets, flashlights, and pillows. Lord, it’s going to get messy, but I’m so glad to just kick back, you know?”

Thanos indicated with his head toward Maria, who was in his arms and getting squirmy. Jeff motioned him back toward the dining room and then made a big show of two playpens, side by side. Thanos peered over one to see Sebastian seated and drooling over his teddy bear.

“He’s so quiet.”

“Trust me, that’s not always the case. Maybe he sensed he was having a friend over.”

“You know he won’t play with her, right? Kids his age don’t really play.”

Jeff shrugged and grabbed his diaper bag off his shoulder and placed it on a chair. “That’s why I borrowed a cagepen from my mom. Figured they could both nap later.” Jeff reached over and picked up Sebastian and hoisted him to his side.

They returned to the living room, and then Andre offered to go grab a few beers and headed for the kitchen. As soon as he was safely away, Thanos turned to Jeff and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me Andre was coming? I kinda made an ass of myself out there.”

“I’m sorry, but it was last minute. Shirley called me and…” Jeff shrugged and then placed Sebstian on the rug and sat down beside him in resignation.

“You’re kidding me. You’re talking to her? But she left.”

“I know it sounds weird, but she’s my friend, and Andre is my friend. The optics of Shirley leaving are not good, but she loves him, even if they likely won’t end up together. She asked me to check on him, so I did and, sensing that he needed it, invited him over.”

Thanos pondered this for a few moments as he also moved to the floor and stood Maria up so she could then grab a hold of the coffee table. He didn’t really know much about what had happened, but he certainly understood how Andre might feel. 

Aloud, he mused, “You know, it’s funny. I was just talking to my uncle. I told him I was going to see a friend whose wife left him and little did I know it would be one hundred percent accurate in the sense that my uncle would infer.”

There was a long beat of silence before Jeff remarked, “Oooookay.”

Thanos explained, “I was referring to you and Annie.”

“Do you know something I don’t?”

“No man, I just don’t like to lie. She left you to go someplace with Britta, is that not correct?”

Rolling his eyes, Jeff stifled a snort and said, “Sure, yes she left me for an entire afternoon so she and Britta could get mani pedis and go to a movie. I’m heartbroken. Thanks for being here for me.”

“I got your back, man.”

It was then that a small blonde boy came tearing through, and Jeff reached over and grabbed him, pulling him into a bear hug. The squeals soon followed, and Thanos considered the child looked familiar, finally recognizing him as one of Jeff’s nephews. 

“How many kids you got here today?”

After affecting some growls, Jeff then paused and looked up while still tickling the boy’s tummy.

“This is Sam whom I believe you met, and his brother Braden is here outback. That’s kind of why we have the dynamic duo here to help.”

_“Uncle Jeff is my uncle!”_

Jeff leaned in and asked Sam, “And he’s also...?”

_“He’s a dragon! Sophie said so! She says you fire and spit and then you eat Ariana Puffington but then she’s going to eat you!”_

“Oh really? Did she say that?”

_“Yeah!”_

With that, Jeff scooped up Sam and stood, letting a returning Andre take over Sebastian duty as he headed for the backyard.

Ben then came running in and shouted to his dad, _“Oh, my butt burped!”_

Thanos held his nose as the smell wafted through the room.

xxxxxx

It was a little while later, and to Jeff’s prediction, Maria and Sebstian had gotten sleepy and were both snoozing in the dining room in their respective playpens, which were certainly not cages, but Thanos always found Jeff’s dramatics endearing. The other kids were all out back with their babysitters, and Jeff, Andre, and Thanos were drinking beer and attempting to re-familiarize themselves with Mario Brothers, as apparently Abed had brought it over and encouraged Jeff to play it with his fellow Gen Xers so that they could appropriately bond. The three of them may have been initially a tad miffed, but it ended up being a blast.

Thanos, as Luigi, had just descended a pipe and was relishing the satisfying sound effect when there was a knock at the front door. 

“You invite anyone else?”

Jeff frowned and shook his head. He then slowly stood and Andre eagerly grabbed his console, as there were only two players and they had been alternating, and then settled down in the appropriate semi-recumbent gaming position. He and Thanos clinked their beers together and then turned back to the game.

Jeff made his way toward the door and then opened it. Thanos kept his eyes on the screen so as not to miss his next jump, but he listened.

“Hello Jeff.”

There was a somewhat long pause, as if Jeff were unusually surprised by something.

“Um, hello. What are you doing here?”

“This may be more moonman talk, but Abed said we needed more scenes together, and well, I want to fit in, so here I am. Or, if you prefer, I could say I’m needing assistance with tracking down a student with an unusual name. Which I am, but I’m not necessarily convinced you can help me with that since according to one particular student named Kim, you don’t remember names. But why don’t we give it a shot? You help me, I let you, and we have a few scenes, and then I’m really one of the group.”

“I see.”

“There seem to be some odd nicknames on campus. From what I understand, Ben is Kevin, Alex is Starburns but now Alex again, Leonard is Rodriguez but not, Buzz won’t tell anyone his legal name which points to an issue but frankly it’s not my priority.”

There was a very long pause this time, and then Jeff cleared his throat.

“I appreciate the gesture, Frankie. I do. And normally I’d take you up on it, butI’m not free right now. Maybe we could reschedule?”

It was then that a white blob came tearing through the living room, and Thanos and Andre both managed to maneuver out of the way as Ruffles leapt over them and came bounding up to Jeff. Another blur whizzed by and then Sophie’s voice came screeching.

_“Oh, you’re a naughty doggie! You bring Ariana Puffington back! She’s not yours, she’s mine!”_

“Now, munchkin.”

“Woof!”

_“Daddy, she...hi Frankie! You’re at my house! Wow!”_

“Hello, Sophie.”

_“I can’t believe you’re here. I tell Mommy you look like her but she says no she doesn’t but I say yes. Can I touch your hair?”_

“Now, munchkin.”

“Woof!”

“You may touch my hair, yes. It’s an odd request, but I’ll allow it, as long as you’ve washed your hands.”

“That’s where you’re going to trip her up.”

_“Daddy put me down and take Ariana Puffington back. I need to wash my hands so I can touch the shiny hair.”_

“Sure, munchkin. Go.”

_“Wee! I’ll be back, Frankie! You stay, and you tell my naughy doggie she’s naughty!”_

“Well, now I have a spitty dragon in my hands. Frankie, clearly you can see this is not a great time for us to have a scene together.”  
  
“Woof!”

“And you….Abed!”

“Yes, Jeff.”

Thanos had been vaguely aware of a slender presence skirt by them a moment ago, and he considered he’d never really understand that dude. He kept his eyes on the game but continued to listen.

“Oh, hi Frankie. I was wondering when you’d get here.”

“I arrived at the appointed time.”

“I hadn’t accounted for traffic since I don’t drive and can’t really tell time.”

“More moonman talk. Jeff, as you can see, I was summoned. Let’s begin.”

“But….”

“Jeff, I’ll take your dog to the backyard. Here. See you later, Frankie.”

“Yes, Abed. Oh my, who are these men? More covert committee members?”

There was a wearied sigh, and then Jeff replied, “Frankie, these are my friends Andre and Thanos.”

“Andre, as in Shirley and Andre?”

“Yes.”

“Thanos, as in runs an establishment of ill repute?”

“Abed filled you in well, I see.”

Thanos bristled a little but he supposed he was used to such misconceptions. He needed to set the record straight. Looking up from his console and addressing what turned out to be a startlingly attractive lady, he explained, “Hello Frankie. Yes, I am Thanos, but my business is not one of ill reputation. It is a place of almost divinity.”

“I see.”

“It’s Dildopolis.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Introduction to Algesia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nerves are frayed as everyone takes care of Annie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back from our side adventure to Dildopolis...

Jeff considered that the past few days had been a blur. They had married Mark off, all had gone smoothly, and he and Annie had enjoyed a nice date night from the event, having secured his mother as a babysitter, but it was kind of a hectic way to begin a week. He wondered who even got married on a Sunday. The day before of course had been his _daddy date_ as Annie had phrased it, and while that was nice, it was also kind of hectic due to attending to the baby, managing Trobed antics with the other kids, and dealing with the current emotional heft of the Andre situation. Of course, there had also been the Frankie thing.

Frankie had attempted to intrude and play an awkward round of Mario Brothers, but he had quickly rebuffed her and rescheduled to a date that week. Unfortunately, said date was _now_ , and he had kind of forgotten about it, plus there had been another complication.

He balanced Sebastian, who was strapped to his chest, and continued to address the classroom as he avoided the piercing eyes of Frankie as she entered from the back and was tapping her clipboard while taking a back row seat.

“We have five points to consider when deposing a witness. All of these are important.” He gestured toward the blackboard and then continued, “but these are mere formalities and easily memorizable. The most important aspect in witness deposition is to….?” He waited for a response.

Garrett immediately shot up his hand and screeched, “PUT THE WITNESS AT EASE!!!!!!!!”

Jeff closed his eyes, as did the rest of the classroom, and then opened them once he had regained some balance. 

“Very good. Yes, Garrett is correct.” 

Garrett opened his mouth in what was probably a smile and then wiped some perspiration from his brow. Unfortunately he was oblivious to the copious amounts flowing from his armpits.

Jeff added, “The most important thing is that the witness feel _calm._ There are ways to do this, but one is through your _tone._ Always prep the witness and talk in an even and soothing voice…” 

It likely did not escape Frankie’s notice that he was in fact speaking in such a soothing tone so as to keep Sebastian at ease. He had started to fuss immediately before Jeff had switched from brief writing to witness deposition. While he had normally not planned on doing that today, he needed a quick way to calm his son down before there were full on screams. If the class was confused by the shift, then that was not his problem.

God, he wondered when Annie would be back. 

“Mister Winger?”

He smiled indulgently at Leonard and braced for it. “Yes?”

“I was just wondering if by keeping the witness _at ease_ it could involve a variety of tactics, let’s say _physical.”_ Leonard licked his lip and then held his mouth in a perfect O as he glanced around the room to await everyone’s reaction.

The class groaned, and Jeff winced. Keeping his eyes off Frankie as he really did not want to be distracted, he bounced Sebsatian a couple more times while patting him and said sternly, “Absolutely not.” He held back his urge to offer a retort along the lines of, _We all know you’re good at keeping women calm in bed, Leonard. I talked to your ex wife_ , but held his tongue.

“No fair.”

“Cut it out, Leonard, or I’ll tell the class what you wrote for answer number five on last week’s quiz.”

“I’m not ashamed of it.”

Swiftly ignoring him, Jeff turned toward the pretty girl whom Garrett was always trying to talk to. She was seated in the front row, per usual, and Garrett was sniffing her hair from behind, but she either didn’t seem to care or didn't notice.

“Stacy?”

“Mister Winger, I was wondering if it would help if we split into duos like we did last week and practiced questioning a witness? It was really helpful.” 

He wondered if she were helping him out, knowing that the baby had been fussy a moment ago. She had been making cooing faces at Sebastian along with some of the other female students, and he suddenly realized that perhaps he didn’t need to put so much pressure on himself in this situation. Afterall, his mother had plopped Sebastian in his arms about fifteen minutes ago without explanation, and although he liked to assume there was a very good reason, part of him was pretty irritated and assumed that Annie had gotten roped into some Dean mess.

He patted Sebastian once again and looked down to see him staring up at him with wide eyes. Jeff’s heart softened and he placed a kiss on his head and said, “What do you think, squirt? Shall we have everyone split into pairs? You can help me go around and listen.”

_“Goooo!”_

“Okay, that’s settled. Everyone, pair up.”

“MISTER WINGER, SHOULD WE TALK TO THE SAME PERSON LIKE LAST TIME??!!!???”

Suddenly remembering that he had created some A-B scheme to couple up the students last week on advice from Annie and that Garrett had ended up with Stacy, he quickly said, “Let’s try different partners.”

“Actually, Mister Winger, would it be okay if we kept the same partner? I was hoping I could try a different tactic but I don’t know if it would work if it’s someone new.”

Jeff stared at Stacy, who was affecting an aura of nonchalance, but he saw right through it. Her eyes shifted somewhat as Garrett once again sniffed her hair, and Jeff held back an incredulous smile.

Did Garrett have _game?_

He shook himself and thought he’d see how this played out. Aloud, he said, “You know what, Stacy, you made an excellent point. Everyone, pair up with the same partner as last week, and this time try a variation on your deposition strategy. Sebastian and I will make our rounds, so keep on task.”

There were various murmurs and screeches of chairs plus Garrett before the students all got to work. Jeff pulled up the powerpoint slide from the deposition scenario from last week, silently thanking Annie again for having suggested that, and then made his way straight toward Frankie, wanting to get whatever was going on over with.

Her eyes shot up from her clipboard as he neared, and she indicated with her head so that he could sit beside her. Obeying, he whispered, “As you can see, this isn’t a good time for our one-on-one time. I’m teaching a class, and yes, I have my infant son strapped to my chest. Clearly it’s an emergency.”

Frankie smiled slightly and then produced a teething ring from her briefcase and held it up to Sebastian. While robotically moving it back and forth a couple times before handing it over to a spitty hand, she tilted her head and gave a curt nod. Jeff watched the whole interaction with fascination. Sebastian grinned and began to make more gooing noises before shoving the ring into his mouth and chomping down on it with his gums. There was a flicker of surprise in Frankie’s eyes before she turned her attention to him.

“I know, Jeff. Your mother filled me in. Although I don’t like the optics of me as a woman doing this, I am here to relieve you. I will take your baby for the next forty five minutes so you can finish teaching your class. I just looked up how to hold one.” She reached her hands stiffly outward and waited.

“Oh, no, I don’t think so.” Instinctively, he pulled Sebastian a little closer, even if he was already strapped to him. The baby then laid his head on his chest, and Jeff once again gave him a little peck before continuing, “As much as this was unexpected, clearly I can still teach my class. We can make it through the next forty five minutes.”

“It isn’t proper procedure. You know that.”

Glancing around the room at the babbling students, Jeff remarked, “The students are fine with it. Half of them already offered to hold him, but see I don’t think _that’s_ proper, so I declined. But they’ve quickly adjusted. Sebastian will just have to be my assistant today.” He paused and then added, “But you know how you could really help me out? You could go extricate Annie from whatever mess she got mixed up in. Then we could reunite her with our son so I can get to the office, where I have another meeting with Borchert scheduled in ninety minutes.”

He waited, wondering why she hadn’t already come to that conclusion, and as she was about to open her mouth he had a sinking feeling he had missed something. Crap.

“I didn’t want to distract you, but that won’t be possible. Annie is indisposed.”

Her tone didn’t give him reassurance, and he felt a sinking in his gut.

“What do you mean?”

Frankie pat Sebastian awkwardly on the head and smiled slightly at him before resuming eye contact and stating, “She isn’t feeling well. Your mother thinks it’s a migraine. I will look up remedies as soon as I take your baby from you, but right now Dorie seems to be handling it. Annie’s in Craig’s office on the couch. Luckily Craig is out on a personal day today.”

He instantly felt like an ass, and a flash of Annie laid out in the Dean’s office a couple years ago went through his mind. That had been in the middle of some insanity with Adam or something, and Annie had been in high stress mode. He considered that she seemed so happy lately, and he kicked himself for having missed any signs she wasn’t. 

Quickly assessing the situation, he gulped and said, “Okay, here’s the deal. I am going to leave this classroom now and help Annie. You will let me do this because clearly my class is doing fine on their own…”

Frankie interrupted him with a pointed look, and for some reason he stopped talking. It was a first.

“You will stay here and teach. Annie is in capable hands, but I will grant you that she could be in better hands. So I will trust that your baby here won’t be too much of a disruption to your classroom and I will study up on migraine management and get right to it.” 

Before he could even react, she had stood. With a puff of the chest and an almost imperceptible brush of her hair, she looked toward the door. 

She mumbled, “Right. You can do this, Frankie.”

And she was gone.

Jeff was left with a sense of deja vu.

X

X

Immediately after class, Jeff rushed back to Administration, only stopping into the mens room for a few minutes to change Sebastian on the newly installed changing table. He wouldn’t have taken the time except the baby really didn’t like having a wet diaper and he didn’t want Annie to think he couldn’t handle their son. He knew even if she were in immense pain, she’d be worried about him and would be relieved that he was all happy, safe, and dry. Jeff paused briefly to inhale his baby scent and recognize that he had in fact kept their son content during the odd classroom time, for the kid was smiling and cooing away as they zoomed around the corner and came to the front desk.

“Mom!”

She swiveled around in her chair and smiled wearily, her eyes then landing on Sebastian.

“I’m so sorry dear that I left you with him.”

Although he suspected she was addressing his son rather than him on that one, he made the pragmatic decision not to get into that now and began to unwrap the baby.

“Do you mind taking him so I can go check on Annie?”

“Of course not, dear.” She stood and let him in back of the counter, readily accepting Sebastian. She then added, “She’s been doing a little better, but I think I was frankly doing more harm than good sitting with her. She told me to leave her alone, which having only had one migraine in my life, I guess I can only faintly empathize with, dear. I recall it being a miserable experience and only time made it better.”

“Yeah, that’s what she tells me, but I think she’ll do better at home.”

“I thought you had to work, dear?”

“I do. But I’ll explain it to Borchert and I think he’ll understand. Would you mind picking up Sophie in a couple hours? She’s with Anthony and Rachel this afternoon.”

There was only a flash of apprehension across her face, but he noticed it. She then smiled in that way she did when she was only being polite and replied, “Of course, dear.”

“Thanks, Mom. I know you’re not a fan of Rachel.”

“I’ll do whatever I can to help, dear. And you know how much I love to greet my granddaughter. I’ll bring her something special. Like a cookie.”

He leaned over and gave her an impulsive kiss to the temple, patting Sebastian on the head before standing back upright. 

“I’ll take the squirt with us, but I might need some help getting Annie and him into the car. Is Buzz around?”

There was a rapid click of heels and then Frankie appeared from the hallway and deftly lifted the counter to step in. She looked between them for a moment before announcing, “I’ve read up and I think I’ve got this.”

“Thank you, Frankie, but Annie just needs to go home.”

“I’ll help you.”

X

X

Jeff was carrying Annie, Frankie trailing with Sebastian. They were halfway across the parking lot when Jeff remembered he needed to call Borchert and reschedule. It was an odd meeting anyway since apparently Borchert was now refusing to live in the creaky old house that he and Mark had set him up in, and Jeff didn’t know where they could convince him to stay. It hadn’t been top of his mind until he had spotted Elroy’s RV near the edge of the lot. Outside was Borchert, gesturing ambiguously as Elroy barked at him.

“You have to be patient! She’s got some quirks is all!” Elroy took off his purple framed glasses and began polishing them with a handkerchief as he scowled.

Borchert shouted back, “I don’t need to be calm! She’s my soulmate!”

“Quirks don’t mean she can’t be saved!”

Jeff made a mental note to avoid that mess and have Mark or Penelope deal with it. He decided to text them both instead.

  
  


X

X

About thirty minutes later they arrived at the house, Jeff silently conflicted about Frankie’s role in all of this. She had been tremendously helpful in getting the baby into the car so he could carry Annie and get her strapped in, and Annie seemed to be relieved that someone as capable as Frankie was with her. Although he couldn’t imagine what Frankie had learned about migraines in only forty five minutes that would be of any earth shattering news, her mere presence seemed to calm Annie, as did her procurement of dark sunglasses which she had swiftly placed over Annie’s eyes.

Frankie leaned forward from the backseat of the SUV, Jeff having left his Lexus in the campus parking lot. Her side profile briefly unnerved him, but he continued to pull into the driveway.

“Annie, we are at your house. I have your baby all settled here in the backseat with me. I will unbuckle him and take him inside. No need to tell me where he goes, for I will take a look around and find his crib. I have also texted Britta, and she will be calling me soon to talk me through some things.” Frankie grabbed a headset from somewhere and placed it on her head and connected it to her phone.

“Awww, thank you, Frankie. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Jeff killed the engine and then turned to regard his wife as Frankie reversed into the backseat. Annie was still wearing the sunglasses, which seemed almost comically large for her head, but he could tell from the glimpse of her temple that she was wincing. Her hand was still gripping Sebastian’s bear, something he had tossed at her in the scramble into the car, and he hoped she wouldn’t rip its head off.

He whispered, “Annie, I’m going to come around the other side and get you. Then we’ll get you into bed.”

“Thank you.”

He sighed and got out of the SUV. After giving Frankie instructions and trusting she knew how not to break their baby cause what choice did he have at that point, he helped Annie out and then swung her back into his arms.

“You don’t have to carry me.”

“We’re going over the threshold, milady.” He paused and kissed her on the temple, but only lightly as he didn’t want to make anything worse. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

X

X

About fifteen minutes later, Jeff descended the steps and entered the living room to find Frankie, her head turned away from him, seated on the floor. Sebastian was on his blanket and on his tummy, seeming to be just about to start off on a scooting adventure. Frankie was speaking into her headset.

“This has been very helpful, Britta. I have learned some things.”

There was a pause.

“I realize we haven’t, as Abed says, had many scenes together, but I hope we can remedy that. I am told you are threatened by my use of your boyfriend, but rest assured you have nothing to fear. I don’t believe in mixing business with personal, not that I would be interested in Ian personally.”

Jeff crossed his arms, leaned against the wall, and tilted his head as he continued to eavesdrop in complete fascination.

There was a pause during which Britta was saying something and Frankie leaned over and redirected Sebastian to stay on the large blanket.

“I see. Well, I don’t believe I will answer that. I don’t make my sexuality part of my job.”

Jeff just about choked.

There was another pause.

“Which one of you is asking?” 

Frankie then winced as she removed her headset, as if startled by a large noise. Even from his distance away, Jeff could hear Ian’s muffled words.

“I don’t even care! I hate her! She makes me stay after hours!”

And then Britta’s.

“You ass! You _do_ want her! I can tell! Well I’m pretty sure she’s not playing for your team! In fact, I bet she’s more interested in me!”

“Bloody woman! Wait, do you think so?!? We should all have a chat!”

“Woof!”

Frankie killed the connection and shook her head. Although a bit dizzy from all of that bizarre information but relieved that Ruffles was apparently still in Ian’s care, Jeff refocused on the current situation and made his presence known with a tap on the wall as he completely entered the room. 

“Hey, thanks for helping out. Annie’s settled in.”

“It’s not a problem.”

He smiled and finally allowed himself to appreciate Frankie’s assistance. She seemed to be trying hard to win them all over, and he figured even if they hadn’t gotten their official one on one time today they certainly had a couple scenes together and it seemed to be going just fyne. 

“I’m just gonna make Annie some tea. Would you mind just keeping an eye on him for a few minutes? I’ll call you a cab to take you back to campus.”

Her eyes lit up in that way they did before she was about to make a slightly condescending speech, but then she seemed to consider something and paused before saying, “I would be glad to watch Sebastian for a few minutes. And yes, I suppose I should be heading back to Greendale soon.” She paused and then remarked in an ambiguous tone, “I see you know about tea.”

Frowning, for he wasn’t sure where she was going with this, he said, “Annie likes tea.”

“I didn’t know that, but ginger does help. Although ice might be better for the migraine, perhaps a ginger tea would do the trick, even if it is hot. Unless Annie is one of the few who prefer heat to ice.”

He stopped from his half step toward the kitchen, realizing that Annie did seem to prefer ice packs when this happened, but it had been so long that it had slipped his mind. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t recall her wanting tea last time. 

Aloud he mused, “Right. Ice is better for her.”

Almost comically springing to her feat, Sebastian now in her arms, Frankie chirped, “I’ll make her an iced ginger tea. Tell me where you keep the lavender or peppermint oils.” With her free hand, she patted him on the arm, and he wasn’t sure if it was patronizing or if she was trying to be reassuring. He stared at her for a moment and then cocked his head.

“I don’t know if we have oils.”

Frankie nodded, her eyes drifting to the side as she seemed to work through something. She then handed him Sebastian, who had been oddly comfortable in her arms but was also pretty excited to see Jeff.

“Hey there, squirt.”

_“Gooooo!”_

“I’ll look around the kitchen.”

“Thanks, Frankie.”

Within a split second, she was gone and he sighed as he maneuvered a now squirming Sebastian and walked back over to the space they had designated as a crawling area. He was aware of some clacking of cupboards and then a whistling teapot, and finally a crushing of ice. He turned his head from watching Sebastian scoot and saw a flash of Frankie as she went upstairs. A few minutes later she returned and popped back in the kitchen. Although he was worried about Annie, he judged that she was in capable hands, and although Frankie had done well with Sebastian, he still wasn’t convinced she had mastered baby care and decided his main role in the present moment was to continue to keep their son alive. It was a smart choice, one that Annie would understand. Plus taking the baby upstairs with him to check on Annie just seemed a bit inconsiderate.

He briefly reflected that he, as Abed would say, had demonstrated significant emotional growth over the past few years.

There was a knock on the door, and he frowned wondering why the person hadn’t rang the bell while also being relieved that they hadn’t so as not to disturb Annie. He grabbed Sebastian and the bear and stood, making his way to the door and opening it to reveal Rachel and Sophie.

_“Daddy! I’m home!”_

“Hey munchkin.” He was grinning like an idiot, but he didn’t care. Sophie was holding Rachel’s hand and standing firming in front of the door, her Dora the Explorer backpack slung over one shoulder and her bear wedged under her free arm. She peered up at him through her candy-striped framed glasses and matched his expression.

“Hi, Jeff.”

It took a minute for him to register that Rachel brought Sophie home versus his mother, as he was still managing Sebastian and in the process of letting the munchkin through the door. Rachel then stepped inside and closed the door, turning to take in the sight of the living room. Sebastian’s toys were strewn about, as were Ruffles’. Sometimes it was difficult to tell the difference. There was a flash of judgment and then she smiled politely and addressed him.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I thought it would be more efficient for me to bring Sophie home rather than your mother. She explained to me the situation, and I thought since I’m Anna’s mother and have seen her through many migraines, I could fix it.”

He really didn’t know how to react to that one. He supposed it made sense that she would be concerned about Annie, and she probably had seen Annie battle a number of migraines in her life. He suddenly felt a little bad, having sent his mother over to convey the news and considered perhaps he should have just called Rachel himself. At the same time, he knew that Annie’s mother was at times the source of Annie’s stress and he hadn’t ever known for sure how things went down when Annie had a migraine in front of her. But looking at Rachel now and seeing what appeared to be genuine concern on her face got to him. 

“I’m really sorry I didn’t call you. I think I was a bit overwhelmed in getting Annie back here.”

“Oh you must have been. And you have the baby too.” She tapped Sebastian’s drooly chin and almost imperceptibly cringed and then took out a tissue from her purse to wipe her finger. 

_“I drew a bunch of stuff with Bubbe and Uncle Anthony. I can show you Sebastian, but I need to show Mister Flufferstein first.”_

“We also worked on her reading. She’s doing very well.”

Jeff reached forward and placed his hand on Sophie’s shoulder and said, “Hey there. Let’s stay down here for a little bit. Mommy’s upstairs and she’s sick.”

Sophie looked crestfallen. _“Mommy’s sick?”_

“Yeah, but she’ll be okay. She just needs to get some sleep so we need to stay quiet and down here.”

_“I wanna go see her. I’ll show her my drawings and she’ll feel better.”_

“She’s sleeping. You can show her later.”

 _“But I wanna see Mister Flufferstein.”_ Sophie cocked her head and added, _“I hear her. She’s crying. She needs her lettuce.”_

Although Sophie was usually pretty crafty about the guinea pig situation, he suddenly did hear a faint squeaking from upstairs. Crap.

“How about I go get Mister Flufferstein from your room and bring her downstairs, okay?”

_“Yay! Bubbe can you help me get the lettuce? Pretty please?”_

Rachel, who had been listening to the whole interplay with wide eyes, nodded absentmindedly and accepted Sophie’s tug as she began heading to the kitchen. Jeff placed his hand on Sophie once again and said, “Hey munchkin, I’m gonna let Bubbe hold onto your baby brother for a minute so I can get Mister Flufferstein.” He indicated with his head toward the baby, and Rachel let go of Sophie and accepted him. Sebastian began fussing and Rachel appeared flustered, but Jeff figured that was acceptable.

“I’ll be right back.”

_“Okay, Daddy.”_

As he was about to turn to head upstairs, Frankie emerged from the kitchen holding a tray of cotton balls and vials. And a giant head of lettuce. She stopped at the sight of all of them and then turned briskly to the side and placed the tray on the dining table so she was free to extend a hand toward Rachel.

_“Frankie, you’re here! I missed you! Ooooh, you have lettuce!”_

“Hello, Sophie. I have missed you as well. I’ve found the oils and the lettuce. I will go upstairs in a moment and attend to your mother and the guinea pig.” She then addressed Rachel, “Hello, I’m Francesca Dart.” 

While Rachel took more than a few seconds to scan Frankie from head to toe, Jeff for some reason found his chest constricting. He recognized the physical sensations of anxiety, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was he was fearing. Both Rachel and Frankie were awkward in their own ways, and they both had shiny dark hair and were impeccably dressed. It suddenly hit him they both resembled Annie and at least Rachel would be aware of that. Frankie had been helping, and Rachel had come over to “fix” things.

They were both fixers. Damn, this was not good.

Aloud, he said, “Frankie, this is Rachel Edison, Annie’s mother. Rachel, Frankie is a new administrator for the college and helped me get Annie and Sebastian home today.”

Rachel suddenly smiled very eerily, and he instinctively stepped back. She didn’t take her eyes off Frankie and merely accepted the handshake as she balanced Sebastian in her other arm, the baby now gumming her shoulder with full on drool.

“I’m sorry, is your name Francesca or Frankie?”

“It’s Franscesca, but most people refer to me as Frankie. I find it’s slightly more relatable. If you wish, you may call me that.”

“I prefer Francesca.”

“That will be fine. Good to meet you, Rachel. Annie has told me about you.”

There were several beats of silence during which Sophie was attempting to grab the lettuce off the table but couldn’t quite reach. Jeff froze to his spot. He knew Annie had been having some talks with Frankie lately and had informed him that Frankie had been oddly reassuring. He assumed she had completely filled in Frankie on the Rachel situation by now, but he wasn’t sure about Frankie’s take on it. He couldn’t imagine Frankie would be rude in any way, at least intentionally. She was pretty political. At that realization, he began to relax, if only slightly. This would be fine.

Rachel finally said, “Her name is Anna.”

“Is it? She told me Annie.”

“That’s a nickname her father gave her. I assume now that she’s grown and almost ready to graduate from your silly little college and go to a proper graduate program she will go by her real name. It’s more professional.”

Completely sidestepping Rachel’s dig at Greendale, Frankie placed her hand on top of Sophie’s head to stop her from jumping and said, “You are correct. Anna does sound more professional.”

“Of course it does.”

“Annie, however, is relatable. It might help her in the field.”

“Field? My daughter is going into forensics. She’ll be in a laboratory.”

“From my understanding, she’s thinking of shifting focus to agent work. Her laboratory understanding of course will give her a leg up as they say in solving cases, but her strengths really are interpersonally. She’s very persistent.”

“She is, isn’t she? It’s one of her best qualities. She got that from me, not her father.”

Frankie picked up the tray, and Jeff finally got his grip on the situation. 

He said, “I was going to bring the guinea pig downstairs. Why don’t we give Sophie the lettuce and you and I head up there.”

Rachel stepped forward. “Nonsense. I can take the oils up to Anna.” She then glanced at the vials with vague disgust and added, “But really we should bring her a hot water bottle. Or did you already do that?”

“Annie prefers ice. I gave her a pack for her head.”

“Heat is better.”

Jeff stepped between them and grabbed the tray as Rachel deftly took the oils off it and placed them on the dining table. 

“I’ll head up and check with her.”

X

X

Several minutes later, Jeff sat on his side of the bed and lightly pet Annie’s hair.

“I’m sorry. I couldn't stop her.”

“She says she’s going to get me a hot water bottle. I don’t want that.”

He nodded his understanding and regarded Annie as she lay with her eyes closed and an ice pack over her forehead. The shades were drawn and the door closed. Rachel had been her usual assuming self but luckily she was so manicky that she hadn’t been in the room long and was already headed downstairs. Jeff had managed to toss some lettuce into Mister Flufferstein’s cage so as to stop the incessant squeaking but was now unsure if he should bring the critter downstairs or stay with Annie.

“I’ll find a way to get rid of her.”

“She’s not going to leave.”

“Crap, I know.”

“Have her play with Sophie. Tell her...ugh, I can’t even think straight.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out. But I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Please have Frankie stay. Is she still here? I told her where I keep the oils, but I’m not sure if they’re there because of the move. I had them in a box near the kitchen.”

“She found them, and yes she’s still here. I’ll fetch her.”

“Thank you.”

He sighed and quietly left. As he passed by Sophie’s room, he heard Frankie’s voice.

“Now, Mister Flufferstein, you will let me pick up your cage without squealing.”

Squeak. Squeak Squeak.

“You have lettuce, but perhaps you need more. I don’t know how much to give you since I didn’t weigh you. I’ll call a veterinarian.”

Suppressing a smile, Jeff walked in and tapped her arm so she’d put her phone away. As she complied, he said, “Frankie, you’re amazing. Thank you.” 

For some reason he pulled her into a hug. 

X

X

In the early evening Jeff sat at the dining table and fed mashed banana to Sebastian as Sophie gobbled her mac and cheese. Rachel came whizzing from the kitchen and finally sat down opposite Sophie, her own plate being one of a fairly involved salad and chicken breast. She scooted a similar plate toward Jeff and flashed a smile.

“Thanks, Rachel. This looks delicious.”

“It was just something I threw together.”

“I didn’t think we had chicken. I was going to go grocery shopping tonight, but of course with everything…”

“It was easy, Jeff. I had a friend pop over to the store and bring it to me.”

He wiped Sebastian’s mouth in a futile endeavor, as the baby promptly stuck his hand into the tray of mashed sweet potatoes, and reflected on her word choice. From what he understood, Rachel didn’t really have friends. At least not the kind that would run an errand for her like that. He considered she may have roped one of their friends into it, but surely then she would have said so. He was surprised she hadn’t sent Anthony and then wondered where he was. Probably at his girlfriend’s house.

“Friend?”

There was the hint of a blush and she addressed Sophie.

“Now sweetie, sit up straight.”

_“Okay. This is good, Bubbe. I love mac and cheese.”_

“I know you do, sweetie. That’s why Bubbe made it for you.”

_“Daddy, is Frankie going to eat with us?”_

“I don’t know. She’s upstairs with Mommy.”

_“I love Frankie. As Olaf says, some people are worth melting for.”_

“That’s great, munchkin.”

_“My cheese is all melty.”_

As Sophie went back to her food, he tried again, “Friend?”

Rachel’s eyes shifted to him but she didn’t fully make contact, and she shrugged as she began to tap at her chicken.

“My neighbor.”

He suddenly remembered the crazy day when he had caught her in some sort of rendezvous with her neighbor, but that had been at least a couple years ago now. He had assumed it had ended in some sort of disaster. He recalled her saying the guy was young and she was worried about judgment, but the fact that he had run to the grocery store for her was telling.

“Gregory?”

Her eyes shot up and he flinched a little at her glare. She glanced at Sophie, who was now chomping away again, and replied, “Yes.”

“Really?”

“He does all my grocery shopping for me. He’s very handy.”

Jeff stopped his feeding of Sebastian to stare at her fully, his smile now completely unavoidable. She noticed and widened her eyes, but he was almost giddy.

“Seriously? Oh right, Annie mentioned you’ve been banned.”

“That was blown out of proportion. But yes, I do have to eat, and Gregory is most generous with his time.”

“So that’s still a thing between you two?” He wiggled his eyebrows and she instantly scowled.

“Jeff, I’d appreciate it if you remembered our understanding. I’d like you to be discreet about this.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“But as I mentioned before, I don’t think Annie would mind.”

“It’s not serious.”

“Does he help you with your migraines?”

She blushed furiously and swatted her napkin in his direction. He shrugged, raising his hands up in defeat for a moment before attending back to Sebastian. 

It was then that Frankie walked in from the stairway and said, “She’s sleeping, for real this time. She’ll most likely be fine within a few hours, but Jeff you have my number if you need me to come back.” 

Rachel chirped, “Oh there’s no need, Francesca. You’ve been helpful in your way, but I’ll stay overnight and make sure Anna’s well.”

Jeff cringed as Frankie merely nodded.

“Goodbye everyone. Goodbye Sophie.”

_“You’re not staying for mac and cheese? It’s melted and I want to melt you.”_

Frankie went over to Sophie and patted her on top of her curls, which elicited a giggle. “Alas, I have to get home to my sister. She’s not so good at eating on her own. I’m going to make her dinner.”

Suddenly remembering some mention of Frankie having a developmentally disabled sister, Jeff felt guilty.

“Crap, Frankie. I’m sorry you’ve been so tangled up here. Look, I’ll drive you home.” He stood and Frankie waved him off. 

“No need. Britta’s picking me up.”

_“I want to melt Auntie Britta too.”_

There was a knock at the front door, and Jeff figured it couldn't be Britta because it was too subtle, but he opened it to reveal his blonde friend and Ian. And Ruffles.

“Hey guys.”

“How’s Annie?”

“She’s much better. Thanks for returning my dog and taking Frankie home.”

Britta smiled and entered, Ian trailing her with Ruffles on her leash. Jeff bent down and nuzzled Ruffles for a moment before standing again and motioning them completely inside and closing the door. He turned to see Frankie and Rachel standing behind him, Frankie already stepping forward to take her leave. Her eyes briefly went to the dog but she then resumed heading for Britta.

Ian bent down and unclipped Ruffles who then ran toward the dining room.

_“Ruffles! You’re home! I missed you!”_

“Woof!”

Suddenly Frankie’s eyes widened and she swiveled around to stare at Ruffles’ retreating form.

“Did she just say _Ruffles?”_

“Yeah, that’s our dog’s name.”

“Ruffles Edelstein?”

Jeff squinted and then exchanged looks with Rachel, who was regarding everyone with a slightly bored countenance. 

He said, “Edelstein is Rachel’s maiden name. We don’t use it for Ruffles.”

Frankie turned toward Ian and regarded him intently for several odd beats. He returned the look but betrayed just the hind of uncomfortableness as he shifted on his feet.

“This... _Ruffles._ It was with you.”

“Yes, I dog sit.”

“But you must have just come from campus. You have a class that goes until five.”

“I do, but err, Britta was with me, obviously when you called her earlier, so err, yes, err...she was watching Ruffles while I was teaching.”

“You watch Ruffles on campus though?”

“Err, sometimes?”

“And Britta has a psychology class down the road at her professional school until four thirty.”

“How do you know that?” 

“She told me when we had lunch earlier today.”

“You had lunch with her, love?”

Britta rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder as he half grinned. The whole interaction was typical but Jeff wasn’t focused on that right now. Instead he made eye contact with Frankie, who was looking downright furious, even if in an understated way. He suddenly remembered all of Frankie’s recent comments about nicknames and students. Something about tracking someone down she couldn’t place.

He was strongly suspecting that perhaps the Dean had done something remarkably stupid, even for him.

“Crap.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Crisis Management

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang handles a situation

_“Daddy, why is Frankie so mad?”_

Jeff grimaced as he pushed the stroller down the sidewalk, Ruffles’ leash looped through one hand and Sophie walked in her slow and meandering way next to the dog. She had pleaded with him to hold the leash, but he knew better and luckily they had gotten through that grouchy moment fairly quickly. They had made it to the end of the block and just turned onto the next street. He wasn’t sure how long they’d be gone, but he figured they had needed to escape for a little while so Frankie could have her meltdown. Rachel had scurried upstairs, not wanting to get involved (wise woman) and tend to Annie (he hoped she’d forgive him), and Britta had insisted she’d therapize everyone so that Frankie would see that Ruffles was a valued member of Greendale.

He had known better and announced he was getting Ruffles out of there but would be back. He handed Ian a wad of cash to order some pizza and then texted Abed and Troy to come over. Might as well surrender, and he was pretty sure only Abed, having spent so much time with Frankie and knowing Frankie was responsive to Abed’s ‘moonman talk,’ could do anything about this.

He answered Sophie’s question, “I don’t know exactly, but I think it’s because she just figured out that Ruffles has been going to school with Uncle Ian.”

_“Ruffles loves school. Why does Frankie not want her there?”_

He paused the stroller and took a moment to walk to the front and crouch down to make sure Sebastian was still settled. It was evening but summertime, so the sun was still up, but Sebstian tended to fall asleep for his mid-evening nap around now. To his surprise, the baby’s eyes were wide open and he seemed to be enjoying the view, swatting at Jeff as he obstructed it. Jeff chuckled and poked his nose before turning to his side at an inquisitive Sophie.

As he rubbed Ruffles ears, he replied, “Because dogs don’t usually go to school.”

 _“They don’t?”_ She seemed pretty skeptical.

“Shocker. But Ruffles here is a special dog and does go to school. Frankie is in charge of the school though, and since dogs usually don’t go to school, she might not understand.”

_“She kick Ruffles out of school? Oh, no. Ruffles.”_

The tears started to flow, and Jeff pulled her in for a hug, at least as much as he could muster while crouched down and holding onto a now wiggly dog. That seemed to help, as he murmured some words of comfort.

“I’ll talk to Frankie. We’ll see. But even if Ruffles can’t go to school, we’ll make sure she has somewhere else she can play.”

_“You’ll take her with you to work?”_

“Ummm…”

Suddenly he was saved by a familiar and literal gasp of surprise. He glanced up to see Eustice Whitman staring down at him from a couple feet away. 

“Jeff Winger!”

“Hey Professor Whitman.”

_“Hi Professor Whitman!”_

“Eustice, please. Now that you’re faculty. Hi Sophie.”

Jeff disentangled himself from Sophie and stood, noticing for the first time that Eustice, dressed in cargo shorts and flip flops, was pulling a red wagon behind him and there appeared to be a small child inside. The little boy was peeking from behind him and staring at Sophie, who was already making her way over.

_“Hi!”_

_“Hi!”_

Jeff smiled in incredulity but then remembered something about Eustice chairing the new Greendale daycare committee with Frankie. Although he knew he had a kid, it was very weird to see him with one, and upon closer inspection, the child was probably maybe a year or a little more younger than Sophie. He guessed Eustice was about fifty, so he was kind of an old dad. 

“Hi, Eustice. Crazy running into you here.”

It was pretty strange to see him outside of Greendale, and Jeff was relieved that he had asked him to call him by his first name. He hadn’t seen much of him since having him for Accounting and Debate first year but had run into him more this summer. He had wondered about how he had felt about him teaching summer school, as up until this point he had gotten the distinct impression Eustice had been avoiding him for some reason. Whenever he was in the faculty lounge, he’d find an excuse to leave. It was never anything out right rude, and he’d always acknowledge him and seemed to try to rally for a second, but it was definitely odd.

Eustice shook his hand for some reason, an oddly formal gesture at odds with a first name basis, and then glanced down at Ruffles and remarked, “Ahh, hello Ruffles. Good to see you.”

“Woof!”

He then peered down at Sebastian in his stroller and paused, taking a deep breath before he said, “Aww, I rarely see this one. He’s getting big.”

“Yeah, he’s started crawling, well more scooting.” Jeff tilted his head down to spot Sebastian gumming on his bear’s ears without a seeming care in the world.

“That’s so fun.”

Jeff smiled and then glanced over at the kids, who were jabbering away about what looked to be a giant ass rock in the wagon and said, “I heard you had a kid. He’s extremely cute.” 

Something indiscernible flashed across Eustice's face, and Jeff wondered if it was embarrassment. He slightly stammered, “Um, yes. Err, Jeff, this is my son, Jamie.” He turned toward the wagon and said, “Jamie, this is daddy’s friend Jeff and this is Sophie.”

The boy looked up and grinned. He did seem younger than Sophie, for he still had chubbier cheeks. He smiled at Jeff and said somewhat stiltily, _“Hi. I like Sophie. Can she come over and play?”_

Eustice stiffened and said, “Um, maybe some other time. We have to get home for dinner.”

Now fully dawning on him that he had never considered what Eustice got up to in his personal life but worlds were obviously colliding, he said, “Hey, we just moved in down the block. You live around here?”

It took more seconds than Jeff would have supposed, but Eustice cleared his throat and replied, “Yes. We um, live over on Broadmore.”

“That’s this street.”

“Right.”  
  
“Where?” Jeff began to scan up and down the block.

“You, um, just moved in?”

“Right around the corner.”

 _“Daddy, we live right there, silly.”_ Jamie was pointing straight across the street to a charming light blue Victorian, yard immaculately landscaped with a running fountain. Of course Eustice lived in a house with a fountain. Jeff wondered how he afforded it on a community college instructor salary, knowing that his wife apparently taught at City College and couldn’t be making much more.

“Um, silly me, yes, that’s our house.”

Jeff tilted his head and considered that perhaps Eustice wasn’t that thrilled with worlds colliding or perhaps he was really just as flighty outside of school as he was when he taught accounting. There was more than a fair chance he actually had forgotten where he lived.

“Crazy. We’re neighbors.”

Eustice nodded and almost appeared at a loss for words for a second as he stared at his very own house from across the street. He managed, “I guess we are.”

_“Daddy, let’s take Sophie over for dinner. Her daddy can come too. Maybe Mommy’s done with all her work.”_

Fully familiar with how awkward it could be when a small child started inviting over all their new friends, Jeff quickly said, “We already had dinner, Jamie, but thank you. Maybe some other time. Sophie and I should actually get home too.”

Jamie pouted, and for the first time Jeff got a good look at the kid. He was sandy haired with piercing blue eyes and reminded him of Sam. He was actually kind of stunning, and he wondered what Eustice’s wife looked like since the kid didn’t resemble him one bit. He considered perhaps he was adopted like Sophie. For some reason it was hard to look away from him, but Eustice’s slap on the back startled him back.

“Well, we should get going. Welcome to the neighborhood!”

“Thanks.”

_“Sophie you come over soon, okay? I’ll talk to my Mommy and she can talk to your Mommy.”_

_“Yeah, I want to see your moat.”_

_“My moat is in back of my house.”_

_“My moat is too.”_

Jeff couldn't stop his smile and said, “Wow, they have so much in common. We probably should get them together. And I’d love to meet Jamie’s mom.”

He knew it was a reach and maybe a little presumptuous, but heck the kid had already invited them over, and they lived around the damn corner. They’d likely be running into each other all the time, if not on the street eventually at the elementary school. They’d have to figure out a way to handle it. Plus he was more than a little curious to find out who had snagged the ethereal Eustice Whitman as a husband. He had feeling Annie would be as well.

“Yes, sure thing.” Eustice, now obviously sweating, gave air pepper guns for some reason and within seconds had scurried away, wagon trailing behind as the kids called out their farewells.

X

X

It was with much trepidation that Jeff returned with the kids and Ruffles, squeaking open the backdoor as they had made their way in through the path at the edge of the backyard. Initially he fooled himself into thinking maybe everyone had gone home but then he heard Abed’s voice coming from the living room.

“So that’s how that happened.”

And then Frankie’s incredulous exasperation.

“So Ruffles Edelstein is Jeff and Annie’s _dog_ and was formally enrolled in a Psychology class along with apparently P.E. and Criminology, and she has an official transcript?!?”

“Hey, I didn’t know she was in my Criminology class, although upon further reflection that makes sense since sometimes Ian drops her off for a minute when he goes to the cafeteria.”

“That’s because she can’t be around all that food, Buzz, or she’ll go a wee bit doggy insane.”

Jeff was now wondering when Buzz had gotten here and suspecting his mother might also be around which filled him with dread about Rachel likely still being upstairs. He considered although their lives were pretty great these days, it was moments like these that he realized he would likely never escape being on the edge of an ulcer. He knew he was prone to anxiety and Annie would always try to reassure him, but he couldn’t help but always feel responsible for others. In the past he would have cut and run due to the weight of that, but that was no longer his MO.

No, Jeff Winger prided himself these days on honoring his responsibilities. There’s no way he’d abandon his loved ones or allow anyone else to clean up his mess. 

He kept Ruffles on her leash which he knew annoyed her but considered how he was best going to balance Sebastian, who was looking at him with his Annie eyes, and the dog while shooing Sophie somewhere when he heard Craig’s sobs from the living room.

“I’m such a bad Dean! I was only trying to do what was right! She’s so cute!”

He closed his eyes and grimaced, wondering how many people were now in the living room. As if on cue the doorbell rang (he hoped Annie hadn’t heard it from upstairs) and he smelled the aroma of pizza as he heard someone open the door.

“Oh, there you are dear.”

He opened his eyes and looked up to the welcoming sight of his mother, having just come in from the living room. She wore a wearied expression, but she smiled as she saw the kids and then bent down to hug Sophie and then began unbuckling a squirmy Sebastian from the stroller.

“I’m so glad to see both my grandchildren. Why, Sebastian you got bigger than when I saw you this afternoon.”

_“Gooooo!”_

_“He says hi grandma.”_

“Oh I know, dear, I know.”

“Thanks, mom.”

She turned to him as she stood with the baby, who was running spitty fingers over her cheek, and said, “I think you should go in there, dear. The Dean has confessed. Frankie knows everything but there’s been a bit of wrench you see.”

“Hmm?”

“Apparently, in addition to Frankie discovering that Ruffles is a student at Greendale, the college’s reputation is about to be ruined using that information.”

X

X

After his mother filled him in and he learned that Craig and Stephen had a horrible fight and that when Craig had taken the day off today to patch things up that he had made it worse (shocker), Jeff entered the living room. He was resigned to the idea of having to convince Stephen not to air an attack ad outing Greendale for having a dog in classes.

“Everyone, stop. I’ve arrived to fix this mess.”

He made the cutting hand gesture, and everyone quieted, with the exception of Frankie who marched toward him and stared at Ruffles in his arms.

“Jeff, I believe I am up to speed. This Ruffles here,” she indicated with her head toward the dog, “is apparently enrolled in classes and Stephen Spreck, the dean of City College, is threatening to air a commercial stating this in an attempt to ruin our image. Why did you let this happen?”

Her dark eyes were boring into his, and he could understand why people listened to her. He briefly wondered if she’d consider making the switch into law and joining his firm.

Affecting a bored countenance, he said, “Come on. Craig, call Stephen off.”

“I can’t, Jeffrey! The things he said to me!”

Jeff rolled his eyes and then noticed Troy and Abed were putting a DVD into the player as Ian, Britta, and Buzz stood around with slices of pizza. At least Pierce was nowhere to be seen. 

“What’s this?”

Abed cocked his head and explained, “I was able to get a copy of the attack ad. Don’t ask me how, but this will be illuminating.”

Jeff stomped over and grabbed a slice of pizza, turning toward the dynamic duo and saying,

“Fine. Show me.”

X

X

Several awkward moments later, mostly awkward because it was a poorly filmed attack ad and because Abed kept making wry cracks about the script, they all sat down to discuss the situation, Troy having pulled chairs from the dining area and some creative use of cushions to get them all to fit. Dorie and the kids had gone upstairs, and Jeff inwardly prayed Dorie and Rachel would have the good sense not to interact much.

Jeff announced, “So I think I have a strategy to prevent City College from airing this ad.”

In unison he and Frankie said, “Ruffles hasn’t received a degree, so the commercial is technically slander.”

His eyes opened wide as he turned to stare at Frankie. She was puffing up her chest and lifting her nose in the air, but it wasn’t an affected confidence. It was real.

Damn she’d make a great lawyer.

He said, somewhat flustered, “Right. She’s just in classes but hasn’t graduated, which means they’re lying about saying she has a diploma.”

Everyone murmured their relief when all of a sudden a sweatpant and hoodie clad Annie, her hair askew and lip gloss smudged, shouted from the staircase, “Noooo! We have to own up to our mistake! No one should have enrolled Ruffles in classes!”

“Annie.”

Jeff immediately made his way to her, Ruffles getting there first and whining softly at her leg. Annie started to bend down but winced, and he knew she still had a migraine and was clutching the banister to steady herself. He stared past her up the stairs to see his mother and Rachel at the top, both seeming a bit frantic. He assumed they had tried to stop her but couldn’t and he felt some sympathy. He placed his hand on Annie’s shoulder and whispered, “Go back up to bed. I’ll fix this.”

She hissed through what he assumed to be tremendous pain, “Noooo, Jeff. That’s a technicality.”

“I’ve gotten people off for technicalities all the time. It was kind of my thing.”

She gave him a pointed look, and he suddenly knew what he meant. Still, he groaned, “Oh come on, this is different Stephen’s just being vindictive. I’m sure when he and Craig patch things up he’ll regret the whole thing.”

“This is Stephen we’re talking about, he holds onto grudges even if I never promised him I wouldn’t see a dalmatian, or um, a man in a dalmatian suit.” The Dean was leaning over his shoulder, his eyes half closed, and Jeff shoved him and ignored the statement.

Instead he said, “Annie, my point is that none of this really matters. So we’ll squash it with a technicality and then figure out the rest. It’s different this time. We don’t need to have a pure crusade.”

Frankie, now by his other side, asked with a tone full of gravitas, “What purpose does honesty have if it destroys Greendale?”

Jeff nodded, “Exactly my point.”

Annie whispered, “Jeff, you’re better than this.”

The statement got to him in more ways that it probably should have, especially her follow up comment.

“You’ve changed. You’re no longer deceitful, even if technically you can be in a situation. You stand up for what’s right, and you own up to your mistakes. Greendale needs to own up to what it’s done.”

“Well crap.”

X

X

Around three in the morning, so about four hours before Stephen had threatened to air his attack ad, they all, minus Rachel who was sleeping upstairs in the guestroom in what was supposed to be Anthony’s bed on visits, gathered around the television as Pavel popped in a DVD. Dorie had just come back downstairs after checking on the kids but slid into Buzz’s arms as Jeff tried to ignore it. He had Annie in his own, as she was fiercely determined to see this thing through and had even helped with Craig’s makeup before taking another nap. Frankie had gone home to tend to her sister and then back again with alarming efficiency and been barking orders throughout. Turns out between her and Abed they had a decent directing team.

The commercial started, with Craig seated on a desk and Ruffles at his side. They had gone back to campus for a couple hours to shoot it, and Ruffles seemed happy to be at familiar territory.

“This is Ruffles. Ruffles is a student at Greendale Community College, and she might one day come close to getting a degree, which means two things. She’s an exceptional dog, and Greendale really needs to get its shit together. We’re working on it. We’re working hard. And the good news is, when you work hard at Greendale, no matter who or what you are, it pays off. Right, Ruffles?”

“Woof!”

“Greendale Community College. You’re already accepted.”

Jeff hugged Annie tight, and she whispered into his ear, “Awww, you guys did it. I’m so proud of you. Taking responsibility.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Everyone seemed pleased, and upon Frankie’s ok, Pavel and Abed rushed the tape over to the local station while Jeff sent Stephen a carefully crafted email explaining they would be airing their commercial first. He then shut the laptop and coaxed Annie upright.

Troy bounded up to them and asked, “Hey man, can I stay over here tonight? I’m wicked tired.”

“Yeah, I don’t care. But you’ll have to sleep down here. Don’t wake up the kids.”

“Thanks, Jeff.”

He glanced over at the pile that was now Britta, Ian, and the Dean snoring on the floor and was not that surprised. He was grateful they were at home and not in the study room. They had clearly progressed from those days. 

Frankie, Buzz and his mother were making their way toward the door, and he waved at them.

“Good night guys.” 

Annie grunted something similar and he was about to take her upstairs when Frankie shuffled over and said, “You were a formidable opponent, Jeff, but I am glad we ended up on the same team.”  
  
“I’m sorry Frankie, but I didn’t even realize my dog was enrolled in classes, or maybe I did but I kinda forgot or didn’t think Craig was serious. It’s a situation we can both agree is incredibly stupid.”

There was an almost imperceptible smile, and she nodded her comprehension.

“Good night, Jeff. Good night, Annie. Hope you feel better soon.”

  
  


X

X

In the end, Sophie somehow convinced Frankie to allow Ruffles to still attend Greendale, under the stipulation that she would be withdrawn from class rosters. It was the sort of compromise that only Sophie could broker, for it turns out she had won Frankie completely over, for Frankie had never before really talked to a child and didn’t have any defensive maneuvers.

As Frankie knelt down in front of Sophie two days after Greendale’s commercial aired, she explained, “I was wrong. Your dog is very much what Greendale needs. Turns out all the students adore her, and since running our commercial we’ve had a surge of enrollment interest. Thank you, Sophie. Thank you for teaching me.”

 _“Aww, Frankie, of course I teach you things. I’m almost in kindergarten.”_ Sophie blushed while also seeming to be quite pleased with herself.

“Really? You seem too smart for kindergarten. All I remember from my experience is a kid eating paste.”

 _“You wanna come to my birthday party? I’m almost five.”_

Sophie puffed out her chest and waited for some excitement at this information, but Frankie swiftly said, “Oh no, I don’t do kid birthday parties. I wouldn't be any fun. But how about I get you a present?”

That got Sophie, and she nodded enthusiastically.

As they continued, Jeff turned to Annie, now completely recovered from her migraine, and he motioned her out of Frankie’s office and back into the administration area. His mom was at lunch, so he plopped down in her chair and pulled a giggling Annie onto his lap.

“Frankie likes Ruffles and our kids.”

“Yeah, that was surprising.” 

Annie gave him a pointed look and said, “She’s great for Greendale.”

“Finally, everything is settled.”

“And she’s going to help us shape up the daycare center.”

Suddenly remembering, he said, “You’ll never guess who I ran into the other night on my walk when all the drama was going down with City College.”

He waited for several beats until she swatted him with impatience and he answered, “Professor Whitman. Sorry, I mean Eustice. Apparently he’s one of our neighbors. His son is super cute, he and Sophie got along and if we play our cards right we may get an invitation to dinner at their house and get to meet the elusive and sure to be either just as whimsical or if not oppositely grounded Mrs. Whitman.”

Annie’s eyes widened, and he wiggled his eyebrows to confirm.

“That’s crazy, Jeff.”

“Yeah, small world.”

“Aww, I love Professor Whitman. He was partly responsible for us getting together.”

They leaned in for a kiss, but they were interrupted by a hissing sound.

Stephen Spreck marched up to the administration desk. Before they could ask him what he was doing, he flashed them a terse smile and placed a stuffed dalmatian of about a foot tall near the pens.

“Check mated, Mr. Winger. Check mated.”

He then abruptly turned and left.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Intro to Intuitive Reasoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Britta plays detective

Britta rolled her suitcase through the quad, silently cursing herself for having grabbed a bunch of Ian’s textbooks so that she could prep her latest psych paper over at her psych school nearby. She supposed she could have worked on it at Greendale as no one really seemed to mind if she hung out in the library even though she was no longer a student there, but she had really needed to focus and there were too many distractions. She had been able to crank out most of _Historical Analysis of the Impact of Familial Secrets: An Integrative Approach_ on her laptop in the back corner of the psych school library, as students there actually seemed to respect quiet hours. She supposed she was relieved at having the burden of her summer school paper off her mind and just wanted to return Ian’s books and ask him to take a quick pass over her draft, just in case.

She continued to wheel the suitcase of books on the diagonal going southeast when she overheard a familiar snarky voice just on the other side of the trees.

“Annie and I can host if you want. We just moved in, but she’s already whipped the house into shape. You know how she is.”

“I’ll talk it over with my wife and get back to you.”

“Great.”

“It’s just that….um, Jeff we should really talk first, just you and me.”

“Err, sure. About anything in particular?”

“It’s just a sensitive matter.”

“You have been acting differently with me, I mean compared to first year. Is there something I’m missing?”

“Oh phooey, I hate this, Jeff. Let’s just grab some coffee this afternoon. What do you say? Three? We can just get it over with.”

“As intrigued as I am, I must say I’m kind of dreading this.”

“Don’t be. It’ll be fine.”

There was the sound of finger guns, and Eustice Whitman’s awkward laugh, lilting to unnatural degrees even beyond his norm.

“See you later, Jeff! Shirley’s Sandwiches!’

“Sure thing.”

Britta wrinkled her brow in thought and then proceeded to resume her roll around the trees until she came face to face with Jeff, who was in the process of seating himself on a bench, Sebastian in his carrier. Jeff placed Sebastian to his left and then looked up in surprise as he saw her approach and sat completely down while motioning her to come over. She obeyed and joined him on the other side of the carrier.

“Hey guys.”

She tapped the baby on his knee which seemed to elicit a hearty chuckle and she couldn’t help her smile.

“He’s so stinkin’ cute.”

“That’s because he’s my son.”

She rolled her eyes as he quickly added, “Well and Annie’s. She’s got a knack for making cute kids.”

“That’s true. Speaking of, where’s Sophie? I wanted to give her some stickers.” She elected not to mention to Jeff they were scratch ‘n sniff of the very stinky variety and she was going to tell Sophie to put them on her daddy’s office chair.

“She’s with Annie, who just needed to pop in for a meeting for the daycare committee.” He then smirked and added, “I was supposed to watch both kids, but Sophie insisted she needed to have input on the daycare center. As we know, she no longer goes there but she’s being a little bit bossy lately about wanting to make sure her baby brother has the best. So we caved and let her, and now I’m hanging out with squirt for about forty five minutes. Maybe you can amuse us.” He grinned as he stared at her roller bag.

“Don’t say she’s _bossy._ She’s _assertive.”_

“You know what, you’re completely right.”

She preened just a little before she asked, “But you’ll be here for coffee at three with Whitman?”

He eyed her suspiciously for a moment and then groaned, “Are you spying on me?”

“I was right over there. You guys are loud.”

He began rummaging through Sebastian’s bag as he said, “Yeah, it’s pretty much right after the meeting anyway. I brought my laptop and can get some work done in the cafeteria before that strangeness.”

“Yeah, that sounded weird. What gives?”

Suddenly, Jeff’s eyes popped open further and he turned to face her with one of his gossipy expressions, the ones he usually reserved for Shirley. She sighed and considered perhaps she was needed. She put on her best therapist aura and waited, for she could sense his eagerness. Within seconds he had filled her in on the odd meeting with Professor Whitman several days prior, and she had to admit she was mildly intrigued. 

Sitting up a little bit more assuredly, she asked, “So, he has something to discuss with you, and he wants to do this before you meet his wife.”

“Yes. Ideas?”

“I don’t know. Sounds like he’s a bit embarrassed or self conscious about something. Maybe she’s like super young? Since he has a little kid?”

“Oh, I don’t care about that.”

“Yeah, _clearly.”_ She rolled her eyes.

They sat with tremendous awkwardness for about two full minutes before Ian came to rescue her, his eyebrows wiggling as he approached. Jeff cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Where’s my dog?”

“Oh, she’s in Buzz’s fifth period.”

“Still enrolled?”

“Come on, Jeffrey, we both know neither of us cares.”

They smirked at each other before Ian leaned down and gave Britta a peck on the cheek and then grabbed the top of her roller bag and began motioning for her to follow. She still felt a little bit foot in mouth about what she had just said to Jeff, but as she turned to say goodbye, she could tell he was kind of over it as he gave her a friendly nod and then placed a teething ring in Sebastian’s drooly mouth.

Still, because she maybe felt a little bad, she said, “Hey, sorry about what I said.”

He sighed, “It’s fine. I am fully aware I have a young wife. And see, if that’s the case with Eustice then I’m peachy. He’s being unnecessarily worried.”

At this, Ian’s ears perked up and he asked with a tremble, “Eustice?”

Britta let out a quick laugh and explained, “Yeah, turns out Professor Whitman lives around the corner from Jeff and Annie and now he wants to have a special little meeting with Jeff before Jeff’s allowed to meet his wife. It’s all crazy mysterious, but I think it’s probably because she’s really young or something. They have a little kid, so she’s got to be. Whitman’s like fifty.”

Suddenly Ian noticeably flushed, and she and Jeff exchanged curious looks.

Jeff sat forward and asked, “Ian? Do you happen to know something about this?”

Looking away, Ian remarked, “Me? Noooooo, I don’t consider myself with others’ affairs.”

“Since when? You’re full of crap.”

As Ian began inching backward, the handle of the roller bag completely in his white-knuckled grasp, he sputtered, “Noooooo, see, Jeffrey, sometimes we may know something but consider it to be not in the best interest to divulge such information.”

Britta was _aghast,_ a word she had learned from Ian and thought was pretty applicable. She swatted him and said, “Oh my god! Just tell him! And if you have gossip, you’re supposed to tell me since we live together!”

“Love, if I told you everything I have been privy to, it would be inappropriate. I am a therapist.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Ahem.”

They both turned to Jeff, who was clearly not in a patient mood. He said, “You are not _Whitman's_ therapist. And you’re my oldest friend here. So spill it. What’s the deal with his wife?”

Ian sighed and looked around to make sure no one could overhear. The quad was fairly empty at this point, as classes were in session. He began rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and stared up at the sky, appearing to collect his thoughts. Finally he stilled and made eye contact with Jeff, his voice slightly wavering as he explained, “I’ve been aware of the situation for some time, and only because I happened to see something the night of the Tranny Dance. It was after I had been in that brawl and before the ambulance came, but you see, you left, Jeffrey. You just left poor Britta and Michelle stranded.”

Britta felt something shift in her chest, and she didn’t like it. To be reminded of that awful night was something she didn’t really need right now, and to have Ian reference it was hella awkward. They hadn’t ever really spoken of it, that night she had declared her love for Jeff in front of the entire school and then been utterly humiliated. Sure, they had some good times of friendship and flirtation over that following summer, but they never really directly addressed her defeat. She felt the wave of shame fall over her but then steadied herself and realized Jeff was staring at her with a softness she also didn’t like.

Jeff then seemed to shake himself back and turned to Ian.

“Go on.”

“Righty. Well, that night I happened to notice that both of the lovely ladies were understandably upset. Michelle was in a fit, and well, you see Eustice was there, and…”

He stopped speaking and waited for them to fill in the gaps. Britta felt a righteous swelling in her chest as she considered the sure awesomeness of what she was realizing he was telling them. She then snapped her head in Jeff’s direction and noticed he wore an expression of dazzled horror and then gasped, “You’re not serious?” He stared at Ian for confirmation.

With a noticeable reluctant sigh, Ian explained, “Yes, Jeffrey. Our dear Eustice comforted our dear Michelle, and well I happen to know by some accidental means that they started dating, and well they must have gotten busy pretty quickly, because their child was born sometime that winter. I got them a gift for their baby shower, which I was only invited to because well I may have counseled him to as he always says, _seize the day.”_

The silence was deafening as Britta let the information sink in. She had always hated Michelle and certainly had words with her the night of the dance, but she honestly hadn’t thought about her in years. The idea of her and Professor Whitman being together was honestly pretty amazing, and the part of her that had always been a little miffed at Jeff for being such a coward and then immediately hooking up with Annie was delighted. But still, she attempted to keep a straight face.

“Jeff? Say something.” She smacked his arm, as he appeared to be in shock.

“Michelle and _Eustice?”_

Ian nodded.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you needed to know. Michelle left for City College right after, and you had moved on. Best not to dredge things up.” Ian made a shooing gesture with one hand he had released from the roller bag in an attempt to make his point.

“Why hasn’t _he_ told me?”

Ian let out a long sigh and then said, “He actually asked me not to tell you, feeling it would be unnecessarily tense. You two never crossed paths really anyway after first year, so I didn’t really understand, but I respect someone’s wishes if they ask me to keep a secret.”

Jeff snapped, “This is Buzz Hickey all over again. Ian, you need to tell me things.”

Ian continued, ignoring Jeff’s interruption, “But then you started teaching here this summer, and he did come to me and ask me if he should come clean with you. I told him I thought that might be wise and relieve him of an unnecessary burden. Frankly, I cannot understand why he’s been so frantic about it. You and Michelle are long over, and you’re happy with Annie. He knows this and yet he seems wracked with guilt. It’s very odd.”

Britta considered it was also very strange until something dawned on her. She asked, “Does Michelle know about Jeff and Annie?”

Jeff bit his knuckle and stared off toward the quad, appearing lost in thought.

Ian replied, “You know what, I have no clue. Now that would be _very_ interesting. Very interesting indeed.”

Finally appearing to have wrapped his head around the news, Jeff turned to them and said, “This is all crap. I’ll just go have coffee with Eustice and tell him it’s no big deal. I’m happy for him and Michelle. It’s completely bananas, but my relationship with Michelle doesn’t matter anymore. He’s got nothing to be upset about. And well, if for some reason Michelle doesn’t know about me and Annie, it’s a little too high school dramatic for us to avoid her since she lives around the fucking corner. She’s a smart woman and can handle it. God.” He flipped his head back and closed his eyes.

Britta considered she was glad she wasn’t Jeff Winger. Drama followed that guy everywhere, and she was under no illusion that Michelle Slater wouldn’t be a problem of some sort. She never liked that bitch.

X

X

Eventually Britta and Ian had ended up in his office, having left Jeff to his soap opera, and Britta just couldn’t get over the whole thing. She had continued gasping and slapping Ian until they closed the door, when he had asked for a different kind of slap and she shoved him away as he giggled. She sat down across his desk and nudged the laptop over to him so he could look at her paper, and as he read through it, she contemplated the whole Jeff and Slater fiasco.

“I mean don’t you just want to be a fly on the wall during that conversation with Whitman?”

Ian sighed and glanced up from his perusal of her writings and said, “I really don’t think it will be anything that salacious. Jeff now already knows everything anyway.”

She stood and picked up one of the textbooks out of her roller bag, intent on replacing it on the bookshelf but then paused.

“But there’s got to be more to it. Otherwise, Whitman would have told him out in the quad and then run off to his meeting. Why the special date?”

“He was clearly procrastinating. Something you’ve done many times on your term papers, this one for instance. What in bloody hell do you mean when you type, _edible complex?”_

Absentmindendly, she replied, “You know, the one with having sex with your mom thingy.”

“That’s Oedipus Complex.”

“That’s what I wrote.”

He smiled tightly and hit the backspace as she began to place textbooks into their original positions, aware that while Ian’s office tended to look like a cluttered mess there was a method to how he stored his books. They were organized by color, which she found oddly endearing. It’s something he had never mentioned to her but just something she had picked up on because she had pretty good intuition.

As she put away the books, she mused, “In writing my paper, I came across a bunch of stuff on the harm of family secrets. It was really interesting, actually. Made me think of all the crap between me and my parents, how they had been in denial for so many years about what had happened to me.”

“I’m so sorry, love.”

“It’s okay. You know how things are better between us all now, and I have you to thank for that in getting me to stop running away and actually confront them.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

She walked over to the second bookcase with a blue text book and quickly found the indigo section and crouched down. She remarked, “Lots of families have secrets. I mean, your family and that whole cousin Clive situation.”

“Yes, that is bad.”

“I’ll say.” She found the space between _Rats of Fame_ and _Millgram Shocks_ and shoved in _Generated Genealogy Gaps_ as she added, “Imagine not knowing who your father is. How some people can be so selfish to do that to their kid. I mean I’ve slept with my fair share of dudes…”

“Still in the room.”

“...and luckily I never got knocked up, but god if I had I would have made sure my kid knew.”

“Well, as you point out in chapter two here, some mothers exist in denial and try to convince themselves that the biological father is not. It’s different then with my cousin Clive, who had no father figure at all in his life. That’s because my aunt probably didn’t even know herself. So you see, mere selfishness is not always the explanation.”

She paused as she continued to be crouched in front of the bookcase and felt the tingling of some Perry intuition. It was something she often felt mocked for, but this time she felt she was on the edge of something.

“I forgot about chapter two.” She paused again before continuing, “Right, so some mothers might not even know, like if they’re juggling multiple guys.”

“Sure.”

“And maybe they don’t even want to know?”

“Right.”

“How old is Slater’s kid?”

There was a very long silence, and she started to turn around in her crouch when Ian snapped, “Don’t even go there.”

“You said she and Whitman must have gotten busy fairly quickly. So let’s do the math, he was born when? You went to the baby shower, you must know.”

There was a slam of her laptop and then a clomping sound before Ian’s shadow was over her. She turned around and stood to face him. He was opening and closing his eyes in rapid succession, perspiration evident on his brow.

He sputtered, “Stop!”

“When was the kid born?”

“I don’t even remember. It was like four years ago.”

“And when did Slater break up with Jeff again?”

Ian opened his eyes wide and stepped even closer, this time grabbing her shoulders, albeit it fairly gently. He said, “As you know, Jeff and Michelle were over at the end of March. Tranny Dance was May. The child, I don’t know but at the time it made sense to me with a Eustice and Michelle hook up, so my guess is about nine or so months after the Tranny Dance.”

She quickly did the calculations. 

“So, February?”

“I don’t know.”

“And yet you remember when Jeff and Slater broke up.”

There was a long pause before Ian dropped his hands and said, “That may have been because I was perhaps a tad interested in her. I noted it.” She nodded, and he suddenly looked panicked and added, “But not seriously, and I’m very glad I never got with her.”

“Well, obviously, because you have me.”

“Exactly.”

He appeared relieved for some reason, but she was still mulling over things, considering perhaps she had gotten it all wrong and her Perry sense was off. It was a bit deflating, to be honest. Something then occurred to her, and she asked, “Wait...you have that little journal thingy where you keep all your appointments. You’re like extremely old school.”

“Yes, err, why?”

“When was that baby shower?”

“Now, please. I didn’t even attend. I merely sent a present to be polite. And I only got around to it after the child was born, so…”

She maneuvered past him and jogged to his desk, shouting, “You always write down all your little receipt thingies and you keep everything! Oh my god, am I so glad you’re a mini hoarder right now!”

“Stop!”

She arrived at the desk and opened up the left drawer. He was by her side in seconds and placed his hand on hers.

“Fine. I will find my journal from 2011 if it will put an end to this nonsense.”  
  
“Thank you.”

He rolled his eyes, something he didn’t often do, and shooed her to the side as he opened a lower cabinet in the desk and pulled out a filing system. She groaned with impatience as she listened to the clicking of him going through everything until what seemed like an eternity passed and he was flipping open a leather-bound planner.

“Let’s see here. February….” he frowned and then mumbled, “Must have been March….” 

She ran to his side once again and reached over and flipped back, muttering, “Slater’s a bitch. She’d totally do something like this.”

“Now come on, I understand why you don’t like her, but that’s going a bit far, don’t you think?”

“Not at all. Every instinct is telling me this.”

“Another reason to be highly skeptical, love.”

She finally found a laminated page of receipts with one with a huge blue baby stork printed on it and leaned in to read the date.

“January 5th, 2011.”

They were silent for some moments, and then Ian said, “She must have had him a wee bit early then. Nothing unusual.”

Britta frowned. “I guess? Probably wouldn’t work out for her and Jeff since March. That would be like ten months.”

“Right.”

“But it’s ambiguous.”

“It is not. Stop reading into things.”

“I mean the only way it would make sense would be if Jeff and Slater hooked up again sometime after their breakup. And Jeff would’ve told you about that, right?”

“He doesn’t tell me everything, but you would know I suppose?”

“About him and her? Nooo, I mean I slept with him in April pretty much after the Chicken Fingers fiasco and that time he left the group for awhile so I don’t know what he was up to exactly being all mopey and rejected and shit.”

“Thank you for reminding me you slept with Jeffrey.”

“Sorry.”

“Right. Let’s just put this away and forget about it…”

“Jeff does crazy stupid shit when he’s feeling rejected. I mean, most of us do. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did sleep with her again and just conveniently not mention it.”

“Well why on earth would he mention it? It’s none of our business. Now, let’s just put this away and…”

“And he said her kid was _stunning._ Oh my god, Jeff is _stunning_ …”

“Yes, thank you for that too, so let’s just…”

“Even if he is a jackass. But oh my god, he’s our friend! And Slater’s a bitch! Someone who cares about him needs to tell him!”

“Britta, please don’t…”

She had already run out the door.

Ian sighed and hoped to god she was wrong about the whole thing. He had never considered any of the stuff she had just insinuated, as it seemed a bit far-fetched, but then he remembered they were at Greendale. He didn’t want any of this for his poor Jeffrey, the friend he both admired, loved, and at times envied for no rational reason. After changing his life around from sleezy lying lawyer to upstanding citizen he didn’t need any complications. 

He went to the roller bag and realized it was now empty. He smiled at how considerate Britta was, always trying her best to make sure she took care of people. It was one of her finest qualities, even if she did tend to use a sledgehammer at times when a finer tool might do. He turned toward the bookcase and at a quick scan instantly recognized she had completely misshelved the books. Why on earth _Generated Genealogy Gaps_ was in between _Rats of Fame_ and _Millgram Shocks_ when it clearly belonged next to _Incest and In-Laws_ was mind boggling. He moved the book to its appropriate place, swapping it out for _Pavlov and You: An Examination of the Effects of Mass Marketing on Wants and Desires._

  
  
  
  
  



	13. Advanced Genealogy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff receives some interesting information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terrible and deserve all your virtual beatings! If you want, come over to tumblr or the Community Discord server fan-fics channel and yell at me.

She found Jeff in the deserted cafeteria where he had mentioned he might be before his meeting with Whitman. He was seated in a back corner booth and typing on his laptop, Sebastian asleep in his carrier. With a bit of self consciousness that she normally tried her best to ignore, she slid in opposite him.

“Hey.”

He looked up with mild amusement.

“Hello again. Bored of Ian already?”

She felt a little bit guilty about running out on Ian like that, but she’d smooth that out later. Glancing up at the wall clock she realized it was about twenty minutes until the meeting with Whitman and knew she didn’t have much time.

“I need to talk to you about something. It’s important.”

He closed his laptop and studied her for a moment before shrugging in acquiescence. She leaned forward and after glancing around to make sure no one was near - which wasn’t difficult because it was in between meal times and the only other person was Pavel at Shirley’s Sandwiches on the other side of the room - she said, “I think I know what Whitman is going to tell you.”

He sighed perhaps more loudly that she thought made sense and then leaned forward and bopped her on the nose with his knuckle. She moved back an inch and squinted at him because that was just rude.

With dripping condensation, he said, “I already know what he’s going to say to me. He’s going to tell me he’s married to Michelle. I will be polite but probably be honest and tell him Ian cracked and told me an hour ago.” He smirked and continued, “It’ll be awkward, but we’ll get through it. And as much as I’m still a little weirded out, I think I’m rapidly adjusting to the concept of them together. I have other things going on in my life and frankly don’t care.”

She nodded in understanding but then bit her lip and considered she hadn’t really thought this through. But seeing how wracked with guilt Whitman had seemed by her overheard conversation and from Ian’s description, she knew she was right. It was just like Ian’s books.

  
“Jeff, there’s something else.”

“Hmm?” He had already been turning away to check on Sebastian and was pulling down a knit yellow blanket over the baby’s feet.

She watched him do this as a wave of guilt and sadness come over her. 

“It’s so unfair. I’m sorry.”

“What is?”

“Can I just ask you a question?”

He turned back to her and frowned. “Since when have you needed permission?”

“When was the last time you slept with Slater?”

He almost choked and then gasped, “That is none of your business!” Although he was indignant, he was half smiling for some reason, his eyes glittering. She couldn’t tell if he thought she was crazy or astute. Probably crazy, but she was used to it.

With her mission in mind, she pressed on, “You broke up in March. Did you sleep with her in April?”

“Now why would you ask me that?”

“Her kid was born January fifth.”

“What the hell do you mean by that? I…” He suddenly paled.

The resulting silence made her recognize the pounding of her heart, and she steadied herself. For a moment, she thought she had completely misjudged everything, but then his eyes widened and he glanced over to the far wall and whispered, “Crap.”

She could tell he was doing mental calculations, and she leaned in further to help.

“If she and Whitman didn’t hook up until the Tranny Dance, that’s like May 20th. I know the date because Ian has it in his planner. Sure, she might have had the kid really early, but what if she didn’t? What if Whitman is aware and he’s been feeling guilty?”  
  
Jeff moved his eyes back to her and snapped, “And why would Whitman want to raise another man’s child?”

She stared at him, and he started visibility sweating. She had never seen such an expression on his face and wondered how she’d describe it if a client were doing it or something. She was suddenly very worried, for Jeff was behaving in a way that was ungrounding. No snarkiness or condensation. If anything, it might be terror.

Now likely realizing what he had just said, he whispered, “Okay, so I’m fully aware _I’ve_ agreed to raise another man’s child. That’s different. I was in love with Annie, and I knew her kid came with her. And I’ve come to see her as my own.”

“Jeff. You didn’t answer me. Did you…?”

Ignoring her, he continued in a lecturey tone, “That doesn’t mean Whitman would do the same. He knows I wouldn’t leave my kid. And he’s all optimistic and lovely and all of that nonsense.”

“So you did hook up with Slater again? Was it during Chicken fingers?”

He placed his elbows on the table and began to cradle his head as he closed his eyes, emitting a low painful groan.

She persisted, “I knew it. Because you were feeling all rejected by us? You were mad at Abed? And Annie was still with Vaughn? And Sophie liked that bear Abed gave her?”

“Britta, please. Stop.”

She pressed on, “I understand. And now it makes even more sense why she was so competitive with me at the dance. It didn’t really line up with her breaking up with you like over two months before, but now I can see it.”

She waited for him to say something, anything, but he remained still, his eyes closed. 

“Was I not supposed to tell you? I didn’t want it to come from Whitman.”

He suddenly sat upright, and she shirked back in surprise. His eyes were wide and his tone insistent as he said, “Wow, you just royally messed with me. I should be clear that NO, I did not hook up with Michelle after our break up. You’re completely off base with your weird conspiracy theory.”

She frowned and said, “But you just went through it in your head. I saw you.”

“You can’t see inside my mind. Not even real shrinks can do that. The way you were speaking to me, I half believed it for a second, and hell I can’t remember months like four years after the fact.” He paused, seeming enraged and added, “But again to be _absolutely clear_ I did not sleep with Michelle after she ended our relationship. So…” he wiggled his brows and continued, “I’m assuming in that case, there is no question of paternity. Is that right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Good. That’s settled.”

She suddenly felt really odd, and a sensation of heat prickling all over her. She supposed it was shame, and it was something she always jerked away from as quickly as possible. With Jeff though and his freak out from a moment ago fresh in her mind and the expression on his face now tense and likely furious with her, she knew she couldn’t flee.

She managed, “I’m really sorry. I was just trying to help.”

“You don’t say.” He began rapping his knuckle on the table in irritation.

“I just thought I was right. Like I really thought so or I wouldn’t have bothered you with it. But Slater was a bitch enough to do something like this and if Whitman was going to tell you, I didn’t want you to hear it from him.” She steadied herself and added, “Because I care about you.” She then muttered under her breath, “And Slater’s a bitch.”

She couldn't stop the tears from falling, and Jeff reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze as he mumbled, “I love you too, my misguided little therapist in training, but you really Britta'd this.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”

His tone now softening, he said, “Let’s just not mention it to Annie, okay?”

She sniffed in agreement.

X

X

Jeff sat back down in the corner booth after having gone to the restroom and splashed ice cold water over his face. He had given himself a pep talk, trying to convince himself he needed more facts. Britta tended to jump to conclusions and he knew her heart was in the right place, but the whole thing was crazy. He had given her Sebastian and told her to take him to Annie, as he really couldn’t face her and the munchkin right now. He needed to be sure.

He recalled his little romp with Michelle in the supply closet. She had been cold with him ever since their breakup and he had avoided her as well, as the wounds had still stung. Then they had run into each other in South Hall and she had smiled almost shyly at him and asked him how he was, and he had been out of his mind with awfulness about Abed taking his study group and pulling them into a life of crime. He had been feeling abandoned, and the icing on the cake was Abed giving Sophie a nice new plushy bear and having Annie accept it with full enthusiasm. He may have also caught a glimpse of her Frenching the hippie yet again and just decided to do something rash. Michelle had merely grazed his arm with her hand and said something about him looking particularly rugged that day before he had pulled her into his arms and they stumbled into the closet. It had been hurried and passionate, but not due to actual connection and more out of intense avoidance. He had just wanted to be distracted. It had been kind of his MO back then.

They had both almost instantly mutually admitted it was a mistake and to pretend as if it hadn’t happened. The fact that he usually prided himself on using protection but was caught unawares on this occasion due to Troy having borrowed his last condom (wince), was something he had shoved into a neat little box in his mind. Michelle had been on the pill anyway when they were together and he had just assumed.

It had been his talk with Abed later on in the cafeteria after the mob had disintegrated that had convinced him to start therapy. He knew if he kept acting out his fears of abandonment he’d end up in serious trouble. The fact that he had fucked Michelle, the woman who had tossed him aside, perhaps not undeservedly so after his preoccupation with Annie, was a sign he was in for dark times.

He hadn’t ever reflected on it much since, mostly because he was good at compartmentalizing. It had flashed in his mind only once and that was when Annie had confessed to him she had done something similar with Adam after they had reestablished contact, and it was part of the reason that he had understood and forgiven her so quickly, not that she needed his forgiveness because they hadn’t been together when it had happened but more that she had wanted it. 

With a heavy breath, he opened up his laptop and looked up conception calculators, plugging in January fifth as a birthdate. The estimated date of conception was April fourteenth. He frowned, not at all remembering when they had hooked up. It was April, he was sure because it was after the April Fool’s Day low speed chase by Annie (of course that was how he pinpointed time, it always came back to Annie) and it was of course before paintballl, another proud moment for him when he had used sex as an escape. 

God, he had treated Britta pretty crappily. Thank god he had a condom that time or his life would be even extra hellish.

“Jeff, hello. Ready for coffee?”

He looked up to see Eustice standing there, his smile barely concealing his nerves. Jeff faked his own and nodded.

“Sure.”

X

X

Within a few minutes they had procured their coffees, Eustice having ordered a peppermint latte and Jeff a black, and sat back down at the booth. Jeff had done his best to maintain his composure and not shake the guy, but then again he considered Britta could very well be wrong about the whole thing. Maybe the kid had been premature or something. _Yes, that was a perfectly reasonable explanation he had been latching onto since he had returned from the restroom._

He took a sip of his coffee, ignoring its bitterness but feeling perhaps it befit the occasion, and asked as nonchalantly as possible, “So, you wanted to discuss something?” He eyed Eustice like a hawk, and noticed the other man was biting and then releasing his lower lip. That always betrayed something in a courtroom.

“Yes, well, I have something to tell you that may be a little bit unpleasant.”

“I just spent a very awkward few minutes with Britta, so this can’t possibly be any worse. You have no idea how much I mean that. This can seriously only get better.” He smiled tightly.

Eustice sighed and began running his index finger over the whipped cream he had put on top and then dabbed a pink sprinkle(!) and took it to his lips. The man did seem to have a knack for turning anything into birthday cake.

“It’s about my wife.”

“Go on."

Eutstice pulled at his collar and said, “You’re already acquainted.”

Deciding to put the visibly distressed man out of his misery, Jeff confessed, “I spoke to Ian about an hour ago. He told me. You’re married to Michelle.”

At this, Eustice rolled his head back and let out a quick laugh.

“He didn’t! Oh, that Ian!”

It was more of an embarrassed screech, and Jeff winced yet again.

“He did. And he wanted me to explain to you that he’s kept a pretty good secret for the past few years. I seriously had no clue.”

Eustice shook his head and seemed to let some tension go in his shoulders. He hunched forward and grabbed his beverage, taking a long sip of it before placing it back in front of him.

“I’m so sorry. Yes, I’m married to Michelle. I didn’t tell you before because frankly we haven’t really had a conversation since first year and I guess I saw you in the faculty lounge a few times and just didn’t know how to bring it up. And I didn’t want you to find out in front of everyone.”

“You know what, that actually makes sense.”

“Yes, but to find out we’re neighbors.” He let out a low whistle of incredulity.

“That is surprising. But I guess the big secret is revealed then?”

He watched Eustice as his expression changed. It wasn’t subtle. 

“Well, the thing is Jeff, Michelle also doesn’t know that you’ve moved on. I haven’t mentioned anything to her, and well the thought of you and Annie living around the corner is _crazy._ You can see why we can’t just come over to your house, right?”

Jeff started to feel relieved, figuring this was exactly what the weirdness was about. It explained everything without Britta’s little theory. He merely nodded and said, “That sounds like it will be a very tense reveal, but I am confident you can do it. You can then send her over and I’ll have a delightful chat with her in my front yard.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Our relationship was a long time ago now. I’m sure we can get past it and let the kids play if they want. And we don’t have to do the dinner thing, given the circumstances, but please. Jamie can come over anytime.”

“You’re a good man, Jeff.”

He took a deep breath and channeled his best impassive expression as if he were in a courtroom waiting for his pounce, only this time very much hoping that there was nothing on which to land. 

“Was there anything else you wanted to discuss? Anything else you think I should know?”

Eustice frowned as if in bafflement, but there was perhaps the hint of something, it was difficult to be sure.

“Err, I don’t think so.”

Deciding to just put it out there because he wasn’t about living life from a place of lies anymore, Jeff leaned forward and whispered, “Great. Because Britta talked to Ian and then came to me with some crazy theory. It was something about Jamie’s birthday. So I have something I really need to ask you, and I hope to god you’re going to be honest with me. I need you to tell me the truth.”

Eustice honestly appeared befuddled, his brow wrinkling as he tilted his head to the side and waited.

“Was Jamie born premature?”

“Jeff, why are you asking this?”

“You know exactly why I’m asking.”

The resulting silence made Jeff wonder if Britta was right or if he were merely having Eustice conjure up images of him and Michelle doing it. Either way, he welcomed Eustice onto his current hellscape.

In an effort to speed this up, he hissed, “Eustice.”

“No, he was born pretty much on time. Healthy eight pounder and then some.”

Jeff felt the wave of anxiety wash anew over him, and he almost couldn’t breathe. Eustice noticed, and he instantly leaned forward and after taking a quick glance around to make sure no one could overhear said, “I know what you’re thinking, but he’s mine.”

Jeff’s eyes widened and he snapped, “And how are you so sure?”

“Because it’s pretty much exactly forty weeks from when he was born and Michelle and I…” he hesitated as he flushed and then continued, “first were intimate.”

“Ian told me it was the Tranny Dance.”

“That was when we err, maybe started seeing each other regularly but things are complicated, Jeff.” He sighed wistfully and added, “it was actually shortly after that dance that Michelle realized she was pregnant. She hadn’t been able to track things well due some various reasons and she was about six weeks along. Might have had something to do with the way she acted out that night.” Eustice visibly cringed and then looked back at Jeff with a knowing expression.

That night of the dance had certainly been horrible, with Michelle and Britta both escalating things, but from what Britta had told him Michelle had started it. She had been acting crazy, and he then recalled how Annie got when she was carrying Sebastian and it dawned on him that perhaps Michelle’s behavior could be explained, at least in part, due to a pregnancy. 

Eustice continued, “Michelle and I originally had a fling sometime that April. Well, I never really wanted it to be just a fling, but she insisted she wasn’t ready for anything serious after her breakup with you. Which was pretty much several weeks prior.” His eyes shifted in self-consciousness and he waited for Jeff’s reaction.

For a moment Jeff wasn’t sure what to do. The reasoning made complete sense, at least from Eustice’s point of view, which of course was missing critical information. He felt like he was going crazy, the adrenaline was pumping through his veins and as he tried to label his emotions in an effort to regulate, just as his saintly patient therapist had taught him, he took some deep breaths.

Anger. He was pissed.

But looking into Eustice’s giant and somewhat innocent eyes, he just couldn’t say a damn thing. He needed to be sure before he broke the poor guy’s bubble.

Aloud, he managed, “God, Eustice, I’m very sorry. I kind of feel like an ass. This whole thing just threw me. And I think Britta got confused and you know how she is. She got it into my head and I just had to ask.”

“Ahh, yes, Miss Perry. She can be delightfully obtuse. I recall me encouraging you to seize the day with her first year. I’m glad you’re still friends, but I think Annie grounds you better, at least from what Ian has shared with me. I’m happy for you Jeff, and I’m not offended at all by our conversation today. I’m glad we could clear that all up.”

Ian was a bastard, but Jeff figured he’d deal with that mess later. He had another issue that was clearly the priority, and he couldn't tell anyone about it. He silently congratulated himself for throwing Britta off the trail and trusting she would tell Ian shortly she had Britta'd the whole thing which he was certain Ian would not question because it was well, Britta.

Eustice was droning on, his eyes looking off toward the far ceiling corner, “It’s funny how life works sometimes. I thank the heavens daily that Michelle came into my life. Why, my first wife and I divorced because the doctors said I had a low sperm count, and I always wanted kids. When Michelle told me she was pregnant, although it was early on and we were just trying to figure things out between us, I knew it was a miracle and frankly I was ecstatic. Jamie really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s precocious and so crafty like you wouldn’t believe. I’d do anything for him.”

Jeff felt his heart moving down into his stomach, if there was such a thing. It was possibly the worst sensation he had ever experienced, and he had been beaten as a child and knew a thing or two about suffering. What was happening now was something he couldn’t even begin to possibly fathom, and for a brief moment he wanted to completely disappear. Just be the end of it. And that thought suddenly terrified him.

Aloud, he said, “You know what, I think I should just reach out to Michelle and have a chat. Why make this awkward for you? It’s between me and her, and I’m sure we can talk as adults and put this whole thing behind us.”

He didn’t know how he had even said those words, but they just came out. He figured it may have been autopilot from his lying days.

After an exhalation of relief, Eustice said, “Thank you, Jeff, I appreciate it and think it's a good idea for you two to talk privately so it’s not any more tense than it needs to be in the neighborhood, but I really should tell her since I ran into you a few days ago now. I don’t want her to be upset with me.”

“Yeah, we don’t want Michelle to be upset.”

He tried to keep the venom out of his voice and luckily was pretty sure Eustice didn’t even pick up on it.

“So I’ll just bite the bullet as they say and tell her, and then I’ll encourage her to talk to you.”

“You know what, why don’t you give me her number and I’ll call her, just to smooth everything over? Just key me in when she knows and I’ll take it from there.”

“Oh, that would be amazing, Jeff.” Eustice reached out to shake hands, and Jeff found himself accepting.

As Eustice scribbled down Michelle’s number on a napkin, Jeff glanced up. Annie had just entered the cafeteria with Sebastian and Sophie. She spotted him right away and smiled brightly, and he almost couldn’t handle it. His Annie. Their family. Their kids.

He shot Eustice another look. 

“I’d really like to talk to Michelle soon.”

X

X

Jeff was cleaning up a sticky Sebastian at the kitchen sink after dinner when there was a knock at the front door. Annie sashayed past him, her tone airy as she said, “I wonder who that could be. I’ll get it.”

“No, I’ll…”

But she was gone, and he maneuvered the squirming squirt and considered he hadn’t really clued her in to anything. Although he definitely did not want to tell her about his conversation with Britta because it might unnecessarily upset her, he also realized he should probably have informed her about his phone call, at least whom he had called. His head had been spinning for the past few hours and he was honestly having difficulty keeping himself grounded. Annie had noticed and asked him how he was over dinner, but he had merely told her it was a legal thing.

Which was technically true he supposed. But he still felt like an ass and also increasingly panicked. And still pretty pissed off. It was a lot to juggle emotionally and he knew he should call his therapist and set up an appointment sooner than next Wednesday but really just couldn’t bring himself to do that right now since everything else seemed so urgent.

It had been four years, but it was urgent. God, he was going to lose it.

Sebastian’s smile brought him back and he whispered, “You’re doing great, squirt. I love you.” He brought the baby up to his shoulder and kissed him hard, which elicited a giggle. “Yes I do.”

_“Kiss me, Daddy.”_

He looked down at his jealous munchkin and smiled, “I will.” His eyes went toward the living room as he heard the door open and said, “Just go sit down at the table and I’ll come over.”

She squealed and ran past the table, completely defying him or most likely just not fully listening, and into the living room. He followed, taking his long strides quickly as he heard Annie’s voice.

“Hi! What are you doing here?”

And then Mark’s.

“Hi Annie. Just needed to meet with Jeff about a case.”  
  
“Now? Um, okay.”

“He didn’t mention it?”

Jeff felt terrible once again, but as Sophie hurled herself onto the couch, he shouted, “I’m sorry, I completely forgot. Annie, I called Mark and we need to go over something. It’ll take a little while.”

_“Daddy!”_

He sighed and plopped down on the couch, then leaned over to give a delighted Sophie a big kiss on the cheek. She proceeded to curl up into his side and Sebastian shifted in his arms, and it was so nice he just wanted to stay there forever. 

He willed himself to make eye contact with Mark, who was standing just past Annie and still near the door. He wore a casual button down but his briefcase was in hand, and Jeff wondered if he had brought any paperwork or if that was for show. He had called him earlier and merely explained that he was in a bit of a personal mess and that he needed to consult but Annie was not to know anything about it. He could only imagine what Mark must be thinking and he suddenly realized perhaps he was worried that their law practice was in jeopardy due to something else Jeff had done with his license or something. Having faked one’s credentials tended to be something no one could forget. 

With the full guilt washing over him for that as well as Annie’s mildly irritated expression because he hadn’t informed her, he took a deep breath and said, “Annie, could you watch the kids for a bit? Mark and I need to discuss something in private.”

“Of course. I hope everything’s okay.”

He then realized she wasn’t mad at him but was expressing concern. She could read him like a book at this point in their relationship and once again he felt tremendous guilt.

Crushing guilt. What if he had screwed up everything because he had done something impulsive and stupid four years ago? But then there was Jamie, who did seem like a sweet kid and he couldn’t just bring himself to wish him out of existence. No, it wasn’t the kid’s fault. He clutched Sophie a little tighter for a moment and considered the remarkable irony.

After handing over the kids to Annie and saying a temporary goodbye to a sad Sophie, he ushered Mark back to his home office, a denlike area right off the kitchen, and securely closed the door. They sat down on the small sofa inside, the place where Sophie usually hung out when he had to frantically get something out and she wanted to be near him. He picked up Ruthie and stared at it for a moment before realizing it had a small plastic car inside its pouch.

He smirked and took it out.

“Jeff, you wanna fill me in? I’m worried.”

“God Mark, I feel terrible and thanks for coming over. To reassure you, it’s nothing that will affect our firm or me professionally. It’s a sticky personal matter and crap I need to talk to someone about it and it can’t be Annie or really anyone else I know.”

Still puzzled, Mark relaxed his shoulders and leaned back, placing his elbow over the back of the sofa and propping up his head with his hand. He studied Jeff for a moment and then said, “So it’s not a legal matter then?”

“Oh no, it very much is.”

He couldn’t stop his bitter laugh and then closed his eyes.  
  
“Are you sick?”

“Nothing like that. It’s just.” He opened his eyes and noticed Mark was as attentive as he had ever seen him, and it was a huge relief.

“I….” He wasn’t sure how to put it in words, to actually say it out loud. His heartbeat was rapid but just below threshold for a panic attack and that made it even more difficult. 

“It’s okay. You can tell me anything.”

“It’s about a paternity matter.”

He let that sink in not necessarily for dramatic effect but because he couldn’t really continue. For the first time in his life he had no words ready. Instead he merely stared at Mark, hoping he’d understand.

Mark raised his brows and said, “Ahhh.” He then gulped and continued, “Did someone contact you? And um, is this recent or…?”

\--”Hell no. A few years ago.”

He had wanted to squash that assumption in the bud, and that temporary fury actually helped him steady himself so he explained, “An ex-girlfriend. We were together right before Annie and I started dating. She has a son who was born pretty much exactly nine months after we last were together. I met him.”

“Oh no, Jeff, you shouldn’t have seen him. I don’t care what this woman says. There’s reasons people lie about these types of things, as you should know.”

With irritation, Jeff explained, “She didn’t come to me. I figured it out. She doesn’t even know that I know.” He took another deep breath and continued, “It’s complicated, but it turns out they live right around the corner and her kid and my kid,” he paused as he considered that was odd wording, “hit it off as I talked with her now husband whom I also happen to know from a past life. He has no clue and is in the process of telling her probably just about now that I’m here and that I’ve met the kid. But the poor sap has no idea what’s happening.”

Mark’s mouth literally fell open and he squeaked.

“I know. It’s insane.”

Composing himself, Mark asked, “I take it you have sound reason to believe this child might be yours?”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think it’s definitely a situation for a paternity test.”

“I hate to say this Jeff but,” Mark sighed and added, “Do you really want to open up this can of worms?”

“You’re not serious? I am not turning my back on my kid, even if his mom is a terrible person. If anything, I feel awful for her husband, but that’s not my problem. There’s no fucking way my kid is going to think someone else is his father and find out in some mishap some day about me and think I didn’t want him. Which is what I would essentially be saying if I let this lie.”

“You and your righteousness. I respect it, but jeez.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.”

“Jeff, we should talk strategy.”

“I’m listening.”

“First, let’s have some beer.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Advanced Analytics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff makes a series of increasingly poor decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still sorry

It was around seven thirty the next morning before Annie had finally got up the nerve to really deal with the situation. Jeff had come to bed late, Mark having stayed over long past what had been implied, and she had needed to get the kids ready for bed all by herself. She rationalized it because it was an unusual situation, Jeff was apologetic, and he was normally very hands on with the childcare. It actually wasn’t until he came to bed reeking of Scotch with an undercurrent of beer that she became alarmed.

It was evident he was hungover, but not too badly as he was still functioning and had gotten Sophie ready for the day while Annie tended to Sebastian. He had poured out some cereal and made a pot of obscenely strong coffee, wincing here and there as Sophie screeched. After putting Sebastian down into his playpen, Annie padded up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso.

She whispered, “Is everything okay?”

One of his hands covered hers and his body relaxed, indicating he had been wound very tight. He glanced over toward Sophie chomping away at her cereal and replied, “Not really.”

“The new case?”

“Um, yeah. It’s kind of a mess.”

His tone was odd, and normally he’d have turned around by now and pulled her into a hug, so she had the distinct impression he was avoiding looking at her. In fact, he had been equally strange before Mark had arrived last night, often averting his gaze under the excuse of dealing with the kids during dinner. The thing was, he would normally use any opportunity he could to googly eye her at the dinner table. Even Sophie sometimes noticed and would start loudly commenting on it. It was usually very funny.

But he had been distant and preoccupied, and she didn’t know what could be so bad. Aloud, she ventured, “I’m sure you and Mark can handle it. You just have to break it down into steps, like a project. If you want, I can help. I know I’m not a lawyer but I’m good at organizing messes.” 

At the resulting silence she sighed and added, “Please turn around and look at me.”

With reluctance, he did and they were face to face for a brief moment before he did pull her into a hug per usual. That glimpse at him told her he was very worried, and she wondered if he needed an adjustment in his medication or if something were actually wrong.

He mumbled into the top of her head, “I’m sorry I’ve been so weird. I just don’t know what to do.”

“The next step?”

He clarified, “I know what I have to do, but I’m not quite sure how to have a difficult conversation I need to have. And part of me just wants to pack us all up and leave town, which makes me feel like a terrible person. Because you see, that’s not the  _ right _ thing to do.”

She frowned as she considered this dilemma and then summarized, “So you need to face something you don’t want to deal with? And you don’t think you can do it?”

“The thing is, I know I can. It’s just that I’m having some very strong feelings bubbling up and I don’t want to have them.”

She finally looked up and noted his expression. His mouth was set in a tense line. She initially assumed it was anxiety but now recognized something she hadn’t seen on his face since the Adam days.

“You’re angry.”

“Fuck yes, I am.”

_ “Daddy, can I watch Frozen?” _

Annie sighed as Jeff’s arms fell away and he turned immediately to Sophie. Part of her wondered if he were eager to escape the conversation, but then again as precious as Sophie was, she was a chatterbox and highly distracting.

“You know what, munchkin? I think that’s an excellent idea.”

_ “Yay! You watch it with me okay?” _

“I need to talk to Mommy. It’s important.”

_ “No Daddy.” _

Jeff shook his head and went over and picked up Sophie, who started squealing as he growled, “You will watch Frozen, but I need to talk to Mommy. We’ll go to the park later.”

_ “The park? I wanna play in my moat.” _

“We can play in the backyard, sure.”

_ “Can Jamie come play? Jamie from the pretty blue house?” _

Suddenly Jeff stilled and his eyes closed. Annie felt something gurgling in her stomach as she watched him do his best silent compartmentalization talk and then open his eyes and resume hauling Sophie off toward the living room. At that moment, Sebastian started babbling and throwing his bear around in the playpen, so she reached over and picked him up.

Within a minute, Jeff returned as the sound of Frozen played in the background. He was looking haggard yet still handsome, and his hand went to his scruff in the way it did when he was intensely nervous.

Yes, he was nervous now. Not angry. She felt she couldn't keep up.

“Jeff, just tell me what’s going on.”

His eyes went to Sebastian, and he smiled for a quick second before resuming his somber expression. He took the bear from Annie and began pushing it gently into the baby’s mouth, with Sebastian clearly enthralled by this. It was very cute while at the same time she suddenly felt really sad.

He mumbled, “Where do I start. Hmm.”

“Anywhere.”

There were several seconds of silence before his eyes darted at her and then back to their son.

“You know what I told you about Whitman? He lives nearby?”

Whitman’s name surprised her, and then something started gnawing away at her. He had been really tense since after she spotted him in the cafeteria having coffee with Eustice. It had been just after the daycare meeting. Eustice had been so delightful to have on the committee, an almost literal ray of sunshine, and she had asked him about meeting up with him and his wife so the kids could play, and he had said of course in that cheery way he always said everything. And he had scuttled out of the meeting afterward but with a light goodbye. She had honestly been surprised that she had found him and Jeff together just a little while later. They had both mentioned they had run into each other and decided to have coffee.

She couldn’t imagine what he was going to say next so she merely nodded.

He continued while still focusing on Sebastian, “We had a chat yesterday, as you know. Apparently, we already know his wife.” He then turned to directly gauge her reaction, just the hint of perspiration on his brow.

“Really? Who is she?” She felt her voice go up two notches and she almost winced.

“Okay, this is going to sound bananas.”

“Just tell me.”

“It’s Michelle.”

She was honestly dumbfounded and merely stared at him for what felt like ages. He seemed very anxious about it, and suddenly she shifted back to reality.

“Michelle...Slater?”

“Yes.”

“That’s crazy.”

“I had no idea, and Annie you have to know I haven’t thought about her in years. I’ve been so happy with you and our family and that will never change.”

A wave of something came over her, and she couldn’t identify it but it was not a great feeling. 

“What does Whitman being married to Michelle have anything to do with us?”

“It doesn’t. That’s my point.”

She suddenly found herself rolling her eyes, and while she knew that was a pretty rude thing to do, she couldn’t stop herself. She was getting flashes of old Jeff in his ridiculousness, and it was annoying. 

“Jeff, as weirded out as I am that Eustice and Michelle are together, that doesn’t mean I feel threatened by her. I know you didn’t love her, and we’ve been together for four years at this point.”

“You’re right I didn’t love her, but I felt things for her.”

“I would assume you did.”

He took a deep breath and then said, “And she hurt me more than I’ve ever admitted to you or even my therapist. When she dumped me, just so abruptly and so coldly I mean I knew I hadn’t been the best boyfriend but I was trying to do what boyfriends do. I got her Chubby Hubby ice cream and everything.”

She still felt irritated, but at the same time he was now looking at her with sadness, and she could hear what he was telling her. 

“You were vulnerable with her and she squashed you.”

“Yeah, and it sucked.”

She felt herself softening, and she touched his shoulder with her free hand and said, “I of all people know what it’s like to have someone in your past. It’s complicated.” She gulped and then added, “I’m sorry you’ll have to see her again. I mean even if we don’t let the kids play together, she’s our neighbor. We’re probably going to be running into her.”

“Exactly.”

For some reason, he appeared even more panicked, so she continued.

“I think this is something you should try to put behind you. I don’t mean suppress your feelings, but maybe talk to your therapist about it. From what I remember of Michelle, she’s probably not the greatest person to try to process this with, and I can listen but I’d imagine you feel a little weird talking to me about it completely.”

“Crap, Annie. I’m sorry. I realize how you must be feeling right now when I’m saying this, and I just…”

“-- It’s okay. I’m glad you told me what’s going on. It’s just that I want us to be happy. You’re angry with Michelle for breaking up with you the way she did, but it’s in the past and maybe you’re angry with someone besides Michelle.” She hesitated and decided to just put it out there, recognizing he might not be in the best place to hear it, “She was awful, but don’t you think this is probably about your dad? Maybe it would be better if we talked about him?”

Jeff suddenly stepped back and blurted, “It’s not about him. Annie, there’s more I need to tell you, I…”

_ “Let it go! Let it goooooo!” _

He paled, his eyes going wide and he snapped, “Okay, we need to do something with her.”

“Jeff, she’s just doing what she always does. Why don’t you go lie down, and I’ll come up in a bit and…”

_ “Let it go! Let it goooooo!” _

_ “Goooooooo!!!!” _

Sebastian smacked Annie across the face with a spitty hand, and she readjusted him in her arms as she tried to reassure Jeff that everything was fine. She said, “Well, I could see if someone could watch her so we can talk, would that be better?”

Without hesitation he said, “Yes.” 

He took Sebastian from her, and then smiled at him before giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hey squirt.” 

“Are you okay with him while I make a call?”

“Of course.”

She eyed him warily but then noticed he seemed a little better while holding their son. He went with him toward his home office and she took the opportunity to call Nancy, hoping she could take Sophie for the morning, but was met with the unfortunate news that she had been called in to a nursing shift and wouldn’t be available. She was about to try Daniela too and then remembered the Dildopolis family had gone to Arizona on vacation for the week. Holly and the kids were with her parents in Denver, so that was also a non starter. 

She had one other call to make, but she couldn’t remember Britta’s schedule and hoped she wouldn’t be imposing too badly.

“Hey Annie. What’s up? It’s early.”

“Britta, I’m so sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, Ian has an early class on Fridays. He just left and now Kevin’s in the kitchen making a racket so I dunno, I’m just thinking about taking a shower and editing my paper. It’s due by five.”

Annie felt a pang of guilt, but she really needed to find a way to get Sophie out of the house.

“I hate to ask this because I don’t want to put you out, but is there any way you could watch Sophie for a few hours today?”

“Is everything okay?”

“Um, I just had something come up I need to deal with and I can’t handle her right now.”

In the background she could hear Sophie continuing to sing  _ Let it Go _ and Jeff was nowhere to be seen, so she walked over and stopped right in front of his closed office door. She grimaced and then made a line for the living room and motioned for Sophie to quiet down.

_ “Oh yay! You watch it with me, Mommy?” _

“Woof!”

Ruffles sat next to Sophie on the couch and cocked her head as Annie entered the room.

“I can’t sweetie.”

_ “Where’s Daddy?” _

“In his office. He’ll be out in a minute.”

_ “I want Daddy.” _

“Woof!”

“Just a sec. Here, have some crackers.”

Obviously in response to overhearing that exchange, Britta said, “Annie, I can totally watch Sophie. It’s no big deal.”

She sighed and went back to the kitchen. Eyeing the closed office door, she went to the farthest spot away and then whispered, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, and um, why are you whispering?”

“I just don’t want to bother Jeff.”

“I don’t get it. I bother him all the time, he’s fine.”

Normally Annie would have laughed at that, but instead she remained oddly flat.

She explained, “He’s working on some big case and I think he’s also in some anxiety spiral again. It’s been a long time since this happened. He was up all night with Mark, and well I just don’t want to ….I need to talk to him and I could really use time with him alone.”

“You sound upset. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, but I just need to talk to him. He’s not being himself, and um...I don’t want to get into it. I’m worried about him.”

There was a long pause and then, “God, you don’t want me to watch the baby, too do you?”

Annie rolled her eyes. “I’ll keep him with me and work around it.”

“Shit Annie. Fine. This whole thing sounds weird with Jeff. I can take Sebastian too but umm, you’ll need to tell me what to do with him.”

“Thanks, Britta. Really, but we’ll keep him here.”

“Really, hoes before bros and all that.”

“That doesn’t really apply when you’re agreeing to watch my baby.”

“Yeah, but you need to talk to your man and you sound worried so I’ll help you out.”

“Thanks, Britta. You’re a lifesaver. Watching Sophie will be a huge help.”

X

X

She lightly knocked on Jeff’s office door, and he came out within a few seconds, holding Sebastian up to his shoulder and a burp cloth underneath the baby’s drooly chin. She smiled slightly at the sight of them, for Jeff seemed ever so slightly more grounded, but as she looked at him more closely she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t wearing a suit today so she assumed he wasn’t going to court or anything, so that was good at least.

“I’ve packed up Sophie’s things. Britta’s coming over to get her.”

“Thanks.” He smirked and indicated with his head toward Sebastian as he commented, “I’m Handsome Like My Daddy?”

She realized he must have noticed Sebastian’s new onesie, the one that was embroidered with just those words. She chuckled and nodded as she stepped closer and placed her hand lightly on his arm.

“He is. Well, he will be one day.”

“You think he’ll look like me? He has your eyes.”

“He already looks a lot like you. His little pointy nose and his blonde hair.” She ran her hand over their son’s wisps.   
  
Jeff’s voice sounded odd as he remarked, “Yeah, I guess he does. And his hair isn’t curly like the munchkin’s.”

“That’s because you have straight hair. See? He’s like you.”

“It’s crazy that he’s like half me. How fuckin’ weird is that.”

“Jeff. Language.”

She looked up expecting him to be still smirking, but his expression was somber. 

“Whatever is going on, you know you have my full support.”

With a heavy sigh, he said, “I don’t want to freak you out. I wasn’t going to even tell you about it just yet because I didn’t want to upset you.”

_ “Let it goooo!” _

“Woof!”

“So there’s more?”

“Da doi.”

For some reason he then winced, and he turned and muttered something about them picking this up when Sophie was gone, and walked toward the living room. She followed. He sat down on the couch and while continuing to hold Sebastian with one arm, reached over and tousled Sophie’s curls with his free hand. She turned to him and squinted.

_ “Daddy, we do my hair and now you mess it all up!” _

“Oh, please. It was getting crunchy. Remember we like soft curls, munchkin?”

_ “I liked it the way you made it.” _

“I’ll fix it before Britta comes over.”

Sophie smiled and said,  _ “I can’t wait to see Auntie Britta.” _

“Yeah, shocker.”

He then looked up at Annie as Ruffles crawled across Sophie and onto his lap so she could lick the baby. 

“I have a meeting with Mark at ten.”

Her brow furrowing, Annie said, “We’ll have plenty of time to talk. Britta should be over soon.”

“We could talk later though?”

Suddenly she was pretty frustrated. After all of his vagueness about what was bothering him, dropping hints of a case along with stuff about his abandonment issues, she wanted them to have a straightforward conversation. 

“I don’t think we should put this off.”

“It might be an easier conversation once I get some stuff off my mind that I need to finalize with Mark. Then I can give you more of a timeline.”

“Now you’re scaring me.”

“Crap, that’s not what I meant to do. I just mean I’ll be able to talk about it, I think.”

“We’re doing this in about twenty minutes, Jeff. I don’t care if you’re not prepared. I love you.”

Sophie took her eyes off the television and looked back and forth between them.

_ “Mommy loves you, Daddy. You should talk to her. But not talk during Frozen, okay?” _

“Yeah, yeah, munchkin. Sorry.”

They smiled sheepishly at each other, properly chastised.

X

X

Jeff found a way to get some air, literally and figuratively as they waited for Britta. Ruffles had needed a good walk, as he had only let her out in the backyard when they got up that morning but was in need of burning off doggie energy especially since they weren’t going to campus today so she wouldn’t be in Ian’s class.

That fuckwad Ian. He’d have to talk to him soon and point out that keeping things from him now led to an even more awkward and potentially emotionally traumatizing situation for everyone. Of course he assumed Ian didn’t suspect anything, but stil. He could have told him about Michelle and Eustice and then he would have had a chance of figuring this all out sooner.

As he walked Ruffles, he remembered his talk with Mark the previous evening, at least most of it. They had ended up getting pretty hammered in his home office, mostly because when under this type of emotional stress they both had templates of their old Hamish Hamish & Hamlin days and alcohol had been a heavy component of that. It had honestly felt pretty cathartic to be completely open with Mark about everything, even regaling him with some tales of him and Michelle and what had happened at the Tranny Dance. Mark per usual was almost living vicariously through him and was practically giddy while also maintaining a certain gravitas he could mysteriously channel when it came to the law.

They had formed a tentative plan for Mark to draw up some papers so they could petition the court for a paternity test, but of course it would be best if Jeff were to approach Michelle first. Mark had offered to do this in his stead, but Jeff thought that was weird and unnecessary. Mark had then offered to accompany him, but he had shooed that idea away pretty quickly so they had compromised in rehearsing how this might go today at ten. The plan was for Jeff to then get in contact with Michelle later today and arrange a private meeting. Mark would be on standby with the court petition so they could get things moving before Michelle in all likelihood tried o squash it.

God, he hoped Eustice had talked to Michelle last night. He hadn’t heard anything. 

As if on cue his phone buzzed, and he took it out of his pocket and answered, “Hello.”

“Jeff! It’s me, Eustice Whitman!”

Suddenly finding it somewhat humorous that Eustice would think to specify his last name because how many Eustices were there in these times anyway, Jeff started to smile. He then felt his gut dropping as he considered how this whole mess would impact Eustice, a man who had never done anything bad to him and was full of sunshine.

“Hi Eustice. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to be true to my promise and let you know that I talked to Michelle last night and filled her in. She knows about you and Annie and that you’re our neighbors. I must say, she took it really well. She was surprised of course, but she wanted me to tell you that she’s happy for you and hopes there is no unnecessary awkwardness.”

Jeff considered that of course Michelle would say something like that. Unless she was incredibly stupid, and he knew that she wasn’t, she’d have to be panicking thinking he might figure things out.

“Eustice, you didn’t mention to her our little crazy conversation yesterday, did you? I know I said some nutso stuff. Please tell me you didn’t embarrass me.”

There was a gasp of indignation.

“Of course not! That stays between us, man to man. I understand and let’s just put that behind us.”

“Great. Thanks for the update.”

“You’re welcome. It’s Friday! Seize the day, Jeff!”

“Haha okay.”

“I’m off to campus, will I see you there?”

“Not today. I’m seizing it.”

They ended the call, and Jeff felt like a mixture of asshole and chump with just a hint of lawyer snake that amped up even more as he found himself rounding the corner onto Broadmore and spotted Michelle emerging from the blue Victorian. He caught his breath, not having laid eyes on her in four years but it was definitely her. Hair still long and shiny, still impeccably dressed (this time in khaki colored capri pants and dark navy sweater), and holding a small little boy on her hip. She was waving, and he suddenly realized Eustice was pulling out of the driveway. 

Jeff froze.

X

X

Annie was relieved when Britta arrived. After all the ominous feelings during her conversation with Jeff, it was nice to be on the receiving end of Britta’s usual ardently helpful energy. She so needed some help right now, and Britta had a way with Sophie.

_ “How long am I going to be at your house?” _

“Eh, a few hours?”

_ “All day?” _

“Yeah, most of it.”

“Britta, it’ll just be a little while. I’ll call you. I know you have your paper due.”

“It’s almost done. Ian was super helpful with helping me edit.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. Personally, I think I nailed it.”

Annie smiled genuinely for the first time since yesterday, and she walked over and gave Britta a hug while Sophie went over to the playpen to say goodbye to Sebastian.

“Thank you.”

Britta patted her awkwardly on the back and said, “Annie, tell me what’s wrong.”

They pulled out of the embrace and Annie sighed.

“I don’t know. Jeff’s being very mysterious about something he says he needs to tell me. Mark was here last night..”

\--”Oh, I was wondering whose car that was in your driveway.”

Annie suddenly went to the front door and opened it to peer out. Sure enough, Mark’s car was there but no one was inside. It then dawned on her that of course Mark had gotten drunk as well and likely needed to cab home. She wondered when he was planning to return for it. She sighed again and then closed the door, turning to come within inches of Britta who was staring at her.

She explained, “As I was saying, Mark came over, and they talked in Jeff’s office for a while, and they were discussing some case and drinking. It’s obvious Jeff is hung over and well Mark couldn't drive home I guess. They have a meeting at ten, and now Jeff’s trying to take back things he started to tell me so he could meet with Mark first. And now he’s scaring me.”

“Crap. Has he told you anything?”

“Not much. Just a really difficult case but then he indicates it’s mostly emotionally difficult rather than logistically something he can’t do, but then I’m not sure if I got confused or if he did because he’s hungover and I’m pretty sure spiraling, but he started on some rant about...Oh, wait, you don’t know about that.” She paused and took a breath, “This is going to sound crazy, but Professor Whitman is married to Michelle Slater and they live around the corner.”

Britta’s eyes grew exponentially larger, and she squeaked. Annie had never heard such an exclamation come from her friend, but she was concerned.

“Britta?”

“Um, yeah. No, I just...I know about that. Whitman and Slater. Ian told me and Jeff yesterday.”

“Wow. Jeff only told me this morning.”

“Huh.”

“What is it? Britta, you look weird.”

“What did he tell you about them?”

“Nothing, only something about him still being angry with her for dumping him, which frankly doesn't make a lot of sense, but then I could tell he was afraid to tell me something, something he thinks will upset me. Something he said maybe needs to wait until after his meeting with Mark, and I don’t have any idea what he’s talking about.”

_ “Mommy, have you seen Bear?” _

“He’s in your backpack, sweetie.”

_ “Oh no he’s not. He’s in Daddy’s office.” _

“No, sweetie. I put him in your backpack.”

_ “And I took him out and put him in Daddy’s office.” _

Britta chortled as Annie stared down at Sophie, who was smiling. She then winked at her and ran toward the back of the house. Annie turned back to Britta and said, “She gets that wink from Jeff. It’s funny except right now I’m not in a fun mood.”

“Annie, look, if you wanna talk later, you'll call me? Please call me.”

“Britta?”

They were interrupted by a knock at the front door. Annie turned and spotted Mark peaking through the window, smiling apologetically.

X

X

Jeff stood at the corner for what felt like an eternity, watching as Michelle took Jamie back into the house after Eustice’s car had driven away. Jamie had been waving at his father, and Michelle had been helping him. It was positively wholesome, and Jeff suddenly had a wave of guilt wash over him. 

He’d be breaking up what seemed to be a nice little family. There’s no way Michelle and Eustices’ relationship would ever be the same, and then of course there was Jamie and Eustice. Jeff considered the child seemed really happy with the father he knew and would be very confused about all of this. Jeff was pretty baffled himself, not having had much space to really think through what it would mean to try to form a relationship with the kid. He was only three and half, but he still had his own personality and life experience with his...family.

Jeff felt his ulcer returning, and he looked down at Ruffles and said, “Let’s go have a chat.”

He didn’t need to talk to Mark. He couldn't stand this limbo any longer. 

He marched up to the house.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. Advanced Botched Landmine Defusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff and Annie both deal with a situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year. We all needed 2020 to just stop, so now here we are

Jeff stood on the steps, his knuckles raised. He had frozen since rapping twice on the door, and suddenly he wasn’t sure if he should be doing this. 

“Woof!”

He glanced at Ruffles, who was cocking her head up at him. She was clearly excited, which was just not the mood.

He muttered in resignation, “Well, it’s too late now.”

The door opened, and he dropped his hand just in time to see Michelle in all her impeccable glory staring at him in disbelief. She looked a little different from her Greendale days. Her cheeks seemed a slightly fuller and her hairdo just a tad softer, the top of her hair pulled back in a more casual style. Whatever it was, it suited her, and at least he was reminded that his past self tended to date beautiful women. Her soul, however, he had doubts about.

“Oh my god. Jeff!” She had gasped in surprise, and if he hadn’t known better he’d have sworn she was almost glad to see him, as she then smiled slightly.

All he could manage was lame, “Yeah, well.” He suddenly felt almost bashful, his cheeks hot from what he knew was anger but that didn’t seem warranted here as he spotted Jamie scooting in back of Michelle in a giant red plastic car. The kid smiled at him and then his attention went to Ruffles.

_“It’s a doggie!”_

Michelle looked down and said awkwardly, “Oh wow. Jeff, umm...that’s a really cute dog. Yours?”

“Yup. Her name is Ruffles.”

He didn’t know how he was staying so calm, but once again he was almost in freeze mode, not sure how he should even go about this and more importantly preoccupied by the thought that he should have just arranged a time for her to meet with him alone. 

Crap.

Jamie was already making his way over, somehow having liberated himself from the toy car, and Ruffles’ tail was wagging furiously in anticipation.

He needlessly explained, “She probably thinks he has candy for her. You know, dropping from his pockets or something like Sophie does.” For some reason he thought it important to mention Sophie. He knew Michelle knew by now he and Annie were together with Sophie but it couldn’t hurt to emphasize that.

“Hah.”

Michelle’s casual reaction caught him off guard, and he tilted his head and stared at her, noticing she was full on smiling as she watched Jamie approach Ruffles.

“Jamie, remember to ask if you can pet.”

Jamie looked up at Jeff and asked, _“Can I pet the doggie? Please?”_ His eyes were definitely blue, and Michelle’s were a distinct dark brown. He couldn’t remember Eustice’s eye color. Hair sandy like Sam’s, Michelle’s obviously dark. He wondered what color Eustice’s hair was underneath the gray.

He managed to reply, “Um, yeah, of course.”

_“Thank you.”_

“Wow, he’s super polite.”

“Of course he is. He’s my son.”

Normally he would have found Michelle’s almost feigned smugness (he could tell it was feigned as she had a glint in her eye) endearing, but he was suddenly snapped out of his stupor as he remembered why he was here. She was deceitful and he had been wronged.

_“Eww the doggie lick me, Mommy!”_

The use of the term _mommy_ made Jeff’s chest lurch. Michelle squatted down and said playfully, “You know, maybe you could show Ruffles your moat? I bet she’d really like it.”

_“Yay, okay!”_

Michelle stood and motioned them through the living room, explaining, “Please come to the backyard.” She locked eyes with Jeff and added, “They can maybe play for a few minutes so we can chat?”

“Great idea. Ruffles is good. No biting.”

She chuckled at that. He could tell she was a little flustered at his presence yet didn’t appear to be panicked, but Eustice had told her already so he assumed she had anticipated this. But then again he hadn’t even had predicted that he’d do something this stupid. He wondered if he could get out of it.

He and Ruffles weaved their way through an assortment of neatly piled toys throughout the living room, snaked through the dining room, and finally came to a wall in the kitchen which contained floor to ceiling shelves filled with an assortment of puzzles, board games, and stuffed creatures. They reached the back sliding door that led to a patio and what appeared to be a decent sized fenced in backyard.

And what appeared to also be a giant ditch that had been dug not far from the patio. It was about a foot wide but shallow, probably no more than five inches down.

“Holy crap, is that a moat?”

_“Yeah!”_

Jamie seemed very pleased someone had noticed, and Jeff found himself grinning in disbelief almost wanting Sophie to see this and at the same time being terrified if she actually saw it and then wanted to do the same at home. So far imaginary moats were much less messy.

He bent down and let Ruffles off her leash, and she scampered off the patio immediately. Michelle motioned for him to sit at some tastefully arranged outdoor dining table with lightly blue cushioned chairs. He obliged and crossed his foot over his knee, attempting a casual pose because his heart was pounding out of his chest and he just didn’t know what else to fucking do.

The blue cushions matched the color of the house, and for some reason that didn’t surprise him. Michelle had always had good taste. What was odd was the juxtaposition of her taste and what he could only assume were dashes of Eustice’s whimsy. Probably meant the kid had a blast. He tightened his smile as he looked from the cushion to Michelle.

She sat across from him and was now eyeing him warily. She glanced over to make sure Jamie and Ruffles were okay and seeing Ruffles now chasing after a ball Jamie had thrown, she sat up a little straighter.

“So this is a surprise. You just, umm, came over.”

X

X

Annie stood face to face with Mark, who was now inside the house. He looked haggard from the boozy night, but he was dressed in freshly pressed pants with a summary light yellow button down shirt. He waved to Britta and then said, “Hey Annie. I’m so sorry, but I think I left my car keys here last night. Where’s Jeff?”

Britta was already peeking out through the blinds. She said, “Hey you had Penelope, _your legal assistant and employee,_ bring you here so you could do the drive of shame back to the office? Why didn’t you call a cab?”

“I needed to be at the office first thing for an early meeting and I couldn’t find my car keys.” He smiled sheepishly and added under Britta’s glare, “I know it looks bad, but she really didn’t mind.”

Britta muttered, “Yeah, sure.”

“She didn’t!”

Annie rolled her eyes and walked back to Jeff’s office. She called out over her shoulder, “Jeff took Ruffles for a walk but I’m sure your keys are in here somewhere.” She stopped dead at the sight of Sophie standing on Jeff’s office chair. She was holding a purple crayon and getting ready to scrawl something over what looked to be an important document on the desk.

“Sweetie, don’t write on Daddy’s things!” She shuffled over and grabbed the paper, Sophie immediately looking pissed rather than dejected, but it wasn’t time to get into that. She was about to place the paper back on the desk when some words caught her attention. She stared and completely on automatic pilot read aloud:

“Draft of Petition for Paternity. Jeffrey Tobias Winger to Michelle Marie Slater.”

She looked up to see a nervous Mark already in the doorway, Britta peeking over his shoulder.

  
  


X

X

Jeff was explaining to Michelle, “I wasn’t planning to come over, but I was walking the dog, and saw the house, and you know…” He shrugged and turned to watch Jamie and Ruffles play. He was glad Ruffles delighted and gentle with children. He sighed and said, “Jamie’s a sweet kid. I met him the other day. He and Sophie hit it off.”

“So Eustice tells me.” There was a fairly long pause before she added, “That’s crazy about you and Annie. That age difference.”

“One could say the same about you and Eustice. He’s what, fifteen years older than you? Annie and I are only twelve years apart.”

She seemed to study him for a few moments, and then chose her words carefully, “I know it’s been a few years at this point so my memory might be a bit hazy, but the last I saw, you seemed to have a thing for Brittles again. Or at least it seemed like you two were on your way there.” She then smirked and added, “Or _whoops,_ I guess you had already been there. Or that’s what Ian told me.”

He pursed his lips, letting his foot drop from his knee as he suddenly leaned forward and snapped but in a whisper because he wasn’t an idiot who was going to yell in front of a kid, “You want to get into this? Okay, let’s do it then.”

Michelle’s eyes widened and she scooted her chair back just a tad before she managed, “Jeff. What? Okay, look I’m sorry. I know her name’s Britta and that was just a petty thing to say.” She took a breath and continued, “I’ll confess that I had it in the back of my brain a few years ago and just never had the chance to say it to you since you texted me I was _bitch_ and I never heard from you again.”

He found himself maliciously smiling now as he recalled how Britta had filled him in on Michelle’s statements about Annie at the dance and how he had made the decision the next day not to ever speak to her again save for a spiteful text. 

Well, that had been the plan but he was increasingly realizing that was in no way reasonable and had merely felt good at that moment. It felt good again now, the rush of it, but then he cast his glance toward Jamie who was now showing Ruffles his playhouse - _was that a giant ass plastic castle?_ \- and felt the guilt return. 

And the anger.

He turned back to Michelle and took a deep breath before leaning in and motioned for her to do the same. She eyed him tentatively but then did so.

He whispered, “So you can probably guess why I’m here.”

“Because for some reason you’re nosy?” Her tone was light with just a hint of irritation.

He sighed and said, “You’re smarter than that. Let’s not play any more games. I promise not to tell Eustice until we know for sure, but my lawyer is drawing up the papers.”

“Papers?” Her brow was furrowed, and she jolted a little at the mention of a lawyer.

He explained in as calm a tone as he could muster, “We’re going to petition the court for a paternity test. Or, if you prefer, you could just go ahead and cooperate and we could do this privately. No need for a record unless of course the results are particularly enlightening.” He wiggled his brows on that last point and hoped he was coming across somewhat menacingly. He wanted to throttle her and so far she hadn’t seemed to have grasped that her carefully constructed fantasy world was about to be turned upside down.

Her brown eyes grew exponentially larger and she cast a fierce glance toward Jamie, now sitting in his huge ass sandbox with Ruffles next to him, and then back at Jeff. 

X

X

Annie stared back and forth between the paper and Mark’s face, but it then all clicked into place. It was a moment that she’d never forget, a moment that echoed back to other times in her life when something she thought she knew turned out not to be true in a devastating sort of way. Her father not coming back to see her after the divorce, her bubbe first calling her by her mother’s name and not immediately taking it back, and reading Adam’s emails between him and his girlfriend. Those moments when she felt a wave of nausea and wanted to cry.

So she did.

“Annie!” 

Britta rushed past Mark and her arms were immediately enveloping her. Annie let the paper fall to the floor and readily accepted Britta’s embrace, letting the tears flow freely, her body jerking in a way she hadn’t let it in a long time. Or hadn’t really needed to.

Now it all made sense. Jeff never drank that much anymore, so something had to have really pushed him last night, and his avoidance last night and this morning, the lack of eye contact. He was ashamed and he was likely furious. And she hadn’t known what he was getting at, and she suddenly felt like a terrible person.

Because if what she just read indicated anything, it was that Jeff had been shut out of something so precious and he was the last person who should be treated that way.

_“Mommy, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to draw on it. Just color the sides to make it look better.”_

“Sophie, your mom’s not mad at you. She’s sad about something else. Can you…?”

“Yeah, um Sophie why don’t we let Aunt Britta and your mom have a few minutes, okay? Maybe we can play frog? I’ve been practicing and I think I have it down.”

_“Mommy? You okay? Don’t cry, Mommy.”_

Annie pushed herself from Britta’s shoulder and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she sucked in her snot. She knew she probably looked completely awful, but it was also important to reassure Sophie.

“Sweetie, I’m okay. And I’m not mad at you.”

 _“Why are you crying?”_ Sophie was staring at her with huge eyes, her lip trembling slightly.

“I was just sad for a second. I’m okay. Maybe I’m just tired.”

 _“Like Sebastian. Or Daddy.”_ Sophie nodded in understanding.

“Yes, just like that.”

“Hey Sophie! Do you wanna play?”

They all turned in surprised to the doorway, where Penelope stood holding a penny aloft. She was smiling broadly, but Annie could see in her eyes that she understood the tactical need to get Sophie out, and Annie was never more grateful to see her.

  
  


X

X

“Oh my god!” Michelle then lowered her voice and hissed, “Are you serious?!?”

Jeff leaned in even further, and she did the same, he assumed out of instinct not to have Jamie overhear.

He hissed back, “Did you not expect me to do it? The nerve of you to keep this from me. To keep _him_ from me. I don’t care what you think of me, but you know my dad was a creep and then abandoned me. Abandoned me before he even officially left, literally and figuratively. And you’d think that I wouldn’t want anything to do with my kid? Or that he’d be better off without me? Are _you_ serious, Michelle? Do you think I’m so terrible? You always said I was so good with Sophie, and then you go ahead and do this.” He sat back and was almost feeling the steam rise above him like in the cartoons and crossed his arms across his chest. It was the only thing he could think to do except to start to pull out his hair, and he wasn’t going to do that for the obvious reason it was his hair.

Michelle was staring at him in disbelief. The silence between them would have been deafening except Jamie was chattering away to Ruffles.

_“Ooooh, big people talk so much and don’t want to get messy. Daddy likes to get messy and he's big but Mommy doesn’t. Maybe I could put sand on you doggie?”_

Without even hesitating, Jeff jumped up and jogged over to them, grateful he was wearing casual cargo shorts and his flip flops on this warm summer morning so that he could move quickly. He hunched down and said to Jamie,”Let’s keep Ruffles out of the sandbox, okay?” 

Ruffles’ expression was indignant and she looked at the sand and gave a whine.

_“But she wants to play in it.”_

Ruffles stuck out one paw and wiped it across the surface of the sand, her ears tucked down in a way that would have been adorable and pitiful under normal circumstances and he probably would have let her dig a big huge hole, but now was not the time for that.

“I know, but sand scratches her,” It was a small lie but he figured it was the only way this would end without a temper tantrum, assuming the kid was anything like Sophie which he suddenly realized he had no clue. He didn’t know him at all.

Jamie seemed remorseful, and he said sadly, _“Oh no, I’m sorry Ruffles. I don’t want you scratched.”_

“It’s okay.”

“Ahem.”

He glanced up to see Michelle standing over them, her hands on her hips.

She added, “Jamie, can you go to your playroom and get Roland?”

So the kid had a playroom in addition to apparently free reign of the house and backyard. 

_“Oh yeah, Mommy, okay!”_

Jamie tore into the house like a bolt of lightning, Jeff assumed to get some stuffed creature or doll from his room. 

Michelle hunched down and snapped, “You need to leave.”

X

X

Penelope scooped Sophie up and whisked her out of the office, Sophie laughing but Annie could tell she was still a little worried about her, as she looked over Penelope’s shoulder and waved at her. Annie returned it and smiled a little to reassure her, which earned her a similar expression in return. 

She then turned her attentions back to Britta and Mark, who were now both whispering, but she got the jist of it.

“So you both knew about this?” She reached over and grabbed the paper out of Britta’s hands, assuming she must have picked it up while she was handing Sophie to Penelope. She stared at it once again just to make sure she wasn’t losing her mind. Unfortunately, she wasn’t.

“I'm sorry, Annie, but I talked to Jeff about it yesterday and he told me I was wrong, so I didn’t think there was anything to tell. Or yeah, duh obviously I would have told you. He’s not my patient, afterall.”

She recognized Britta’s sweetness in that statement and was also relieved to hear she seemed to distinguish Jeff from supposed patients, but she then sighed.

“How did you know to talk to him about it though?”

“Because I was the one who figured it out. Ian told me when Michelle’s kid was born and then I walked backwards and well…? But then I told Jeff and he told me I was way off base. That he hadn’t slept with Michelle after they broke up.”

“He slept with her _after_ they broke up?”

“Yeah, like a month later or something, but anyway…”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, but..”

Mark butted in, “Annie, I’m sorry you have to find out like this. Jeff wanted to tell you. I was urging him to hold off, hoping we could just get the results to see if there was anything you needed to know.”

She huffed, “I think I should know regardless! Jeff must be going crazy. He’s my husband and I should help him with this.”

Mark shook his head and said, “Wow, I guess I didn’t think you’d take it that well.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just most women wouldn’t really be that okay knowing their husband had a kid with another woman and then having that kid around.”

As soon as he said it he shrieked, and Annie ran over to him and smacked him on the elbow.

“What is wrong with you?!? That’s the exact opposite of me and Jeff. He loves Sophie, and look, if for some reason Michelle’s son turns out to be his, then I will be fine! It’s not about me!”

Britta awkwardly punched her in the shoulder and said, “You go, Annie. You support your husband.”

“Thank you, Britta.” She nodded appreciatively as she rubbed her shoulder and then looked at Britta inquisitively.

“I’ve been learning boxing.”

“You have?”

“It’s feminist boxing.”

Mark cleared his throat and said, “Anyway, now that everything’s out in the open, maybe I could just get my car keys?”

Annie glanced down and spotted them on the blotter, and she picked them up and handed them to him.

“I’d like to be in your meeting with Jeff later this morning.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I think it’s important that I’m informed about how this will go and so I can support him emotionally. He shouldn’t have to freak out that he might have another child with his ex.”

“Jeff has another child with his ex?”

Upon hearing Abed’s voice, they all snapped their attention to the doorway. Abed was cocking his head and his eyes were darting back and forth in what Annie knew was alarm. Peeking over his shoulder was Troy, holding Sebastian, and his brows furrowed.

Mark shirked and explained, “They came with me and Penelope.” He then barked at the guys, “You were supposed to wait in the car!”

Troy pushed past Abed and exclaimed, “Dude! What’s this about Jeff with another kid? Who’s the ex?” He bounced Sebastian a couple times in his arm, which elicited some drooly laughter.

Britta rolled her eyes. “Well, obviously it’s Slater, you idiots. Remember how she just disappeared like that and we were gossiping about it all summer? Turns out she had a _baby_ and now she’s married to Professor Whitman and he thinks he’s the little boy’s dad but who knows? She and Jeff boinked later than you would’ve thought.”

Annie and Mark both squeaked, and then Britta slapped her hand over her mouth in horror.

“Britta!” 

“I’m sorry, Annie! I’ve just been thinking about this a lot, or at least I was yesterday. I almost wrote it into my paper but Ian said that might be too much.”

Deciding to ignore that, Annie addressed Troy and Abed as she slapped Britta on her arm.

“Guys, it might be just a misunderstanding. We’re going to clear it all up. Please don’t be worried.”

Troy shook his head and let out a whistle, “Man, that’s weird. I haven’t thought about Slater since season one.”

Abed, who up until now had been eerily still, his head still resting against the doorframe, finally reanimated, but it was slow and unnerving. His head now righted, he said, “I don’t like this.”

Annie stepped forward and tapped his forearm, finding herself going into reassuring mode a lot easier than actually trying to think through what Jeff must be going through right now. 

She said softly, “I don’t either, but Mark is going to help us figure it out.”

Abed said, “Jeff doesn’t need another child to develop his arc. He has Sophie, the child he has loved as his own so she is his, and Sebastian,” he stared off toward the baby and continued, “who let’s face it could have been evil Sadie but that would have been unnecessary drama. I’m glad that plot died a long time ago. Plus it was convoluted to follow.”

For the fifth time in their friendship, Annie squeaked, “Evil Sadie?”

“It’s not important. What is crucial is that we put Slater’s child back into a different timeline, someplace where it …”

\--”He.”

\--“Can’t do any more damage to our family.”

“Abed.” 

“Where’s Jeff?”

It was only then that Annie realized Jeff had been gone for quite awhile. She hoped he wasn’t avoiding her, but then again she knew better and figured that was likely exactly what was going on. Her heart went out to him.

She explained, “He took Ruffles for a walk. He’s been gone awhile.”

Suddenly Mark paled and he said,”Um which direction did he go?”

“I don’t know. I think the usual route where he goes that way.” She pointed to her right in befuddlement.

“So toward Broadmore?”

“Yes, but…” She suddenly realized what he was getting at and she shook her head, “No! I mean he said he was going to meet with you, he said…”

“Crap! I know that Winger determination! He’s going off book!” Mark grabbed the paper and read off, “1415 W Broadmore. Right, I think he said it was a blue Victorian. I’m on it.” He saluted for some reason and pivoted to leave. But when he turned to the door, only Troy remained. There was a loud banging sound coming from the living room.

Sophie yelled from the other room, _“Abed! Where you going?”_

“To save the day, Sophie!”

_“Yay, Abed!”_

Annie squeaked and she and Mark chased after him.

  
  


X

X

Jeff was still crouched on the patio after Jamie had run inside, and Michelle was staring down at him. She had just requested he leave, but he certainly wasn’t going to do that now.

He said, “To be honest I wasn’t planning to just come over here like this, but eh when one’s been deceived for four years, one just says fuck it.” He decided to full-on swear now because Jamie was safely out of listening range and he had about had enough, but his tone was still fairly even and he didn’t raise his voice.

Just as evenly, Michelle said, “You’re being a lunatic. Jamie is not yours.” 

“I’ve done the math.”

She groaned and said, “I was seeing Eustice. Which I know you didn't probably realize, but he and I were together, sort of. So whatever you’ve mixed up in your head you can forget about.”

“Jamie was born January 5th. We had our little romp in the closet when? April? It all lines up.”

She let out an exasperated sigh and motioned for him to stand and he followed her back to the table. They sat, and she leaned forward, her hands clasped. She started with her best professor tone, “Okay, I know what this looks like, but trust me, Jamie is not yours.” She then paused and added, “But I must say you’ve been jumping to conclusions rather quickly. There’s no need to come over here and do it this way. You could have called me and I would have explained.”

“Why on earth would I trust you?”

“Because we used to be something, Jeff. Maybe it didn’t last very long, but you can’t even blame me for all of that when clearly your heart was elsewhere during our entire relationship.”

“Hey now, I…”

“And now you’re married to her. And Eustice tells me you’ve also had another child together. Congratulations.”

_“Mommy, I found Woland. He’s here and he says hello!”_

Jamie was standing there proudly holding up a stuffed red ladybug that was about half his size. It was ridiculous looking, but Jeff started smiling. 

“That’s crazy amazing, Jamie.”

_“Where’s Sophie?”_

“Um, she’s at home but I’ll bring her over soon.”

“Jeff.” Her tone was reproachful, but he didn’t give a crap. While hadn’t fully thought anything through, he did know that if Jamie were his, he’d definitely need to be friends with Sophie.

Crap, Sophie. What would this do to her? Would it be confusing? Probably. He’d have to be extra careful in how he explained it. He’d figure that out once he figured it out for himself.

_“Yay!”_

“Woof!”

Jeff thought they were saved by a knock at the door, but Michelle waved the air and turned back to him. 

“Jeff, what you think is not true. I know for a fact.”

“Seriously?” He motioned for Jamie’s ladybug, and the kid came over to him and shoved it in his face. 

“Can I throw Roland?”

_“Yeah! Do it!”_

He obliged, tossing the thing back into the house, with Jamie and Ruffles chasing after it. He mumbled, “They’re kind of similar. Both like to chase.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jeff.”

“And there it is.”

They were eyeing each other through respective squints, and he said, “So you and Eustice did a paternity test?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you. When I asked him about it, he didn’t seem to have any clue.”

The color drained from her face, and she huffed. 

“Oh my god, you talked to Eustice about this?!?”

“Yeah, when he told me you two were together. I decided not to beat around the bush and just get it out there. But you know what, he didn’t seem to realize you and I were together around the same time I guess you and he were, and he told me a very interesting story about his past marriage and not being able to have kids. So you have to know why I’m pressing this.” He stared at her pointedly, and she shirked a little, which gave him some satisfaction.

“Did you tell him you and I got together?”

“The closet romp?”

“Yes, Jeff, the closet romp.”

“No. Just in case I was wrong, I guess I didn’t want to shatter the poor guy’s world.”

The knocking had continued during their conversation, as had some barking from the living room and Jamie screeching at Ruffles, but they plowed through everything like pros, probably due to both being experienced in living in houses with toddlers.

“I appreciate you not telling him that. It would only hurt him.”

“So clearly you didn’t get a test then or he’d know.”

The knocking became louder and more rapid, and Michelle’s eyes widened and she stood. She turned and said to him abruptly, “I did a NIPP during my first trimester. Told Eustice he needed to provide blood for genetic testing, which as you know wasn’t really a lie, but I led him to believe there might be some genetic concerns given his age. Results showed he was Jamie’s father. Are you happy now?”

Jeff stood as well and before she could turn away to get the door, he snapped, “What the hell is a NIPP?”

“Noninvasive prenatal paternity test. They just need blood from both parents, and they can tell these things before a baby is born.”

That was a startlingly specific answer from her, which suddenly threw him off his game. He managed, “Not that I necessarily believe you, but does this mean you knew you were pregnant and didn't tell me?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jeff.”

She went to answer the door.

X

X

Annie had finally caught up to Mark, her short legs running as fast as she could. Mark wasn’t that far ahead of her, as it turned out he also had fairly short legs, and Abed was a greyhound so he had reached the Victorian before them by over a minute or more.

She gasped as she continued to jog, glad she had been able to slip on some halfway decent shoes before she had left the house, “He wouldn’t!”

“I don’t know, but Abed would!”

“I know!”

They conserved the rest of their conversation so they could power through to reach the lawn, where Abed stood knocking on the front door of a precious looking house. Annie would have been stunned by its beauty if she had allowed herself to go there. She hadn’t spent much time on this particular street just yet and there were more important considerations at present, one being to get Abed away front the Slater-Whitman house and the other being finding Jeff. 

She was hoping Jeff was not in the house and had merely taken Ruffles on an extra long excursion so he could clear his head. Yes, he might have done something like that.

Just as she was about to reach Abed, Mark lunged past her and threw himself on top of their skinny friend.

X

X

Michelle opened the door to reveal a scuffle going down on the front lawn. She inched back right into Jeff, who was immediately behind her and staring out incredulously at the scene. Annie marched up to them and exchanged looks with Jeff. She could tell he was feeling guilty and shocked, and he could likely tell she was furious. She hoped she’d know she was also concerned, but right now she had other priorities.

She smiled brightly at Michelle and said, “Hello Michelle! You remember me, Annie Edison?”

“Yes, of course Annie. Um, what are they doing? And who is that? Isn’t that the guy from your study group?” Michelle was craning her neck past her, and Annie was annoyed so she stood on her tiptoes, hoping to make eye contact with Michelle but knowing that was likely a futile effort as Michelle was several inches taller than her. 

She persisted, “Yes, that’s Abed and Jeff’s partner Mark. I think Jeff and I need to go home.”

_“Mommy, what are they doing?”_

Annie startled and glanced down to see a cute little boy standing right beside Jeff. He was wearing little red overalls and was just precious. Instinctively, she knelt down and addressed him, “They’re just playing a silly game. Hi, I’m Annie. I’m Sophie’s mom.” She gave a slight wave, hoping he wasn’t too shy or scared by the grunts she could hear behind her. Luckily, he smiled back at her and returned the wave.

_“Hi. I like Sophie. I like the doggie too.”_

“Oh, you met Ruffles?”

As if on cue, Ruffles ran out of the house and tore onto the lawn. Jeff shouted, “Holy crap!” as the dog hurled herself through the air and landed flat on top of Mark’s back as he lay on top of Abed. The scuffle instantly ceased and Ruffles sat there happily growling with her tail wagging, likely thinking the whole thing was a big joke.

Mark mumbled, “Yes! I got you.”

“I have to stop this. It’s a bad plot development! A bad plot development!”

“Shhhhh….” Jeff had walked over and was crouched down now, taking Ruffles from the top of the pile as he shoved Mark off Abed. As Abed rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky, Jeff said, “Hey buddy.”

“Bad writing. So much bad writing.” Abed was still twitching and he proceeded to claw randomly toward Jeff’s face.

“Shhhhhh….” Jeff placed one hand on his leg and held it firmly, which seemed to slow Abed’s movements. Mark lay to the side, his head propped up on his hand. He seemed fatigued beyond his years as Ruffles licked his elbow through his torn sleeve. Mark started giggling then.

“It tickles.”

Annie turned her attention back to Jamie, who was looking past her at the display. 

_“Sophie’s daddy is so big!”_

“Yes, he is.” She glanced up to see Michelle watching her so she stood and dusted off her jean shorts. Suddenly she was very conscious of the fact that she was pretty sweaty, having sprinted without being in very good running shape. Her boobs were a bit sore too and then she realized Sebastian was in need of a feeding soon. Looking at Michelle and her impeccable chill suburban mom outfit going on, she felt smaller. Smaller than she already was. She could feel Michelle’s bemused scan of her clothes and it was irritating.

She smiled sweetly again and said, “I guess we’re neighbors.”

“Yes. That’s just nuts, isn’t it? But Eustice says you’re doing great on that daycare committee. He’s looking forward to working with you, and really I hope we can get Jamie there a few hours per week this summer. I have to get some progress on my statistical consulting business.”

“I thought you taught at City College?”

“I do, but the money’s in consulting, and that helps being flexible with a child, as you know.” 

Michelle was studying her, and Annie couldn’t decipher what she was thinking. But Annie certainly had plenty of questions. Part of her was upset Jeff had wandered off but then she realized he was concerned about Abed and also this gave her a particularly advantageous moment. 

So she seized it.

“Michelle, how much did you and Jeff discuss?”

“Oh, pretty much everything. Your _husband_ sure has a lot of paranoid ideas.”

“Does he?”

“Annie, we’ve cleared it up. Just a misunderstanding.” Michelle sounded bored and disinterested.

Instantly, she felt relief wash over her. She wasn’t completely sure she believed her, but she supposed there was no reason for Michelle to say it otherwise, and she really didn’t have time to think it through. She said, “Oh thank god.”

Michelle bent over slightly to pat Jamie’s shoulder as she said, “I explained everything to Jeff. I figured it all out before he was born.”

Annie appreciated Michelle’s careful avoidance of using Jamie’s name so as not to attract the child’s attention, as he was still staring ahead while muttering, _“Cool cool”_ as Ruffles was now licking a squealing Mark almost all over his body.

“When did you figure it out?”

“My first trimester.”

“Why didn’t you clue Jeff in before then?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because he could have been...he could have been his and Jeff would have deserved to have known that.”

“How was I supposed to know he’d want that?”

“Because he’s Jeff, and he was born to be a father. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have talked to him about it.”

Michelle sighed and said, “Sometimes things are best left in the shadows, Annie. I know that’s not how you went about things, but surely you can understand now. Eustice told me about what happened, how your ex is completely out of the picture now.”

“And Jeff stepped in, and he would have done that for him too. He’s nothing like my ex.”

“Now I know that. How was I supposed to know that then?”

“Would you have told him if he had been?”

“Of course.”

“Really?”

Annie let her eyes bore into Michelle’s skull, and Michelle, who had been avoiding looking at her for most of the conversation under the guise of watching Ruffles and Mark, finally turned toward her. 

“Annie, I don’t know what more you want from me. It was a messy situation, okay? And look, it all worked out. You and Jeff are happy. Eustice and I are happy. Can we just put this down?”

“I love Jeff and I wish you’d know how great of a man he is.”

“Well, now that would have been impossible given he was always besotted with you.”

She felt the dig, but before she could decide on a response that was surreptitious enough to fly under the radar of a small child, Jeff was helping Abed stand. Annie rushed over to them, her brow furrowed in concern. 

“Abed, are you okay?”

“Jeff told me everything. He whispered something about a paternity test proving everything was fyne.”

She glanced at Jeff, who nodded, his eyes searching her, and she suddenly realized he probably wasn’t sure that she knew.

“Jeff, I found the petition, and then Mark and Britta explained everything to me. I wish you would have told me.”

“I’m sorry, I tried to. I wanted to. I didn’t want to. I don’t know. But I was going to, eventually.”

“Eventually?”

“Good news is Michelle says she has proof of paternity, so…”

Mark was suddenly by their side, Ruffles in his arms. He said, “Jeff, don’t be stupid. We’ll ask for another one. You can’t believe anything she says.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

Annie felt her heart sink, but she knew that unless there was another test, this one they did now under medical supervision, she and Jeff would always wonder. She took Jeff’s hand and gave it a squeeze, and he gulped, likely trying to hold back some emotion.

“I love you, and I’m here for you no matter how this turns out. Jamie’s a sweet little boy.”

“Thanks.”

He could barely get out the words, and she could tell he was trying not to cry. She supposed staying up late drinking coupled with the stress of the past few hours was doing a number on him. She squeezed his hand again.

“Hey guys, could you please take this little game off my lawn?”

_“No, Mommy! I like it. Can I play too?”_

Michelle shook her head and took Jamie’s hand and was about to head back into the house when Troy’s voice called out.

“Abed! I’ll save you!”

They all turned to see Troy bounding toward them, his expression determined. Behind him was Penelope pushing a stroller with Sebastian in it and Sophie walking beside her. Annie half considered Troy couldn’t have been that earnest to save Abed before then, as he must have leisurely walked with Penelope and the kids over. Of course, he was doing a bit. But he probably was also genuinely worried about Abed and thought this would help him, which likely it would.

Abed smiled slightly and said, “It’s okay, Troy. I was informed this plot will not continue, at least not in this dark form. It’s a good thing, really. Frankly, this type of plot is best explored in an AU of some sort versus this canon timeline. We’ve fought too hard to keep the mustaches out so we can’t relinquish any more ground.”

“More ground? We’ve given up some then?” Troy seemed alarmed.

Abed sighed wearily. “I’m not pleased that Slater’s back, but it is a necessary compromise. To keep the peace.”

“Gotcha.”

Annie, Jeff, and Mark all eyed each other with silent questions.

_“Jamie!”_

_“Sophie!”_

The kids ran toward each other and proceeded to hug.

“Aww, that’s beautiful man.”

“It is, Troy. It is.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Advanced Confession Induction Strategies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang deals with fallout from recent hijinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to read the chapter before this one. Posted two this weekend. Feels like the ol' days.
> 
> A little bit of angsty fluff because hey we need it

Abed leaned against the kitchen counter, seeing if it would budge. It didn’t, which put it in stark contrast to the one in apartment 303. He was beginning to wonder if he should ask landlord Rick to take a look at theirs, but then considered that would require letting another person inside, someone who obviously couldn’t be trusted with some items, like women’s footwear. Britta had been complaining about some of her stuff gone missing when she lived there, but it wasn’t until she had stepped onto his Batman DVD and that whole fiasco happened that he had known about the shoes. Why anyone would collect so many items that weren’t DVDs was beyond him.

He reached as gracefully as he could to grab an apple from the basket on the counter, but then as he remembered he didn’t currently have super sonic hearing and therefore balance (he hadn’t brought his costume and he was convinced Batman would have supersonic hearing even if others disagreed because fuck Daredevil), he found himself heading for the ground. Luckily Troy’s capable arms appeared and caught him.

“Whew! That was a close one. You okay?”

“Yes.”

Troy righted him, and both his feet were back securely on the ground. That felt better.

“What were you doing anyway?”

“Going for that apple.”

Troy nodded in comprehension and then reached over and easily grabbed it, which Abed always found impressive. He couldn’t get this balance thing down when he wasn’t Greendale’s caped crusader, yet Troy had a knack for these things. He’d make him his Robin but that would just be absurd because…. well Troy deserved better than that.

He shuddered.

“Here you go. But maybe you should have asked Dorie first.”

Abed shook his head as he accepted the apple. He began polishing it on his cardigan sleeves, trying to draw out the process of eating it.

“I think she puts those there in an enticing wholesome basket for a reason, Troy. She likes to take care of people. Plus, she always lets us raid her fridge when we’re hungry.”

Troy smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s true.”

At that moment, Dorie came around the corner with Hank, Ruffles and Sophie trailing her. She was chuckling as Sophie chattered away.

_“I told Daddy I wanna see the moat. Jamie wants to see Ruffles again too. But Daddy mad.”_

“Now I’m sure he’ll let you play with your friend. You just have to say pretty please and know it might not be today, but soon.”

_“Daddy doesn’t like Jamie’s mommy.”_

“Oh, I’m sure it’s just fine. Don’t worry about it, dear.”

_“I don’t think Mommy likes Jamie’s mommy. She say Jeff chill out.”_

“I don’t think your mommy told your daddy to chill out, dear. What did she say exactly?”

_“I don’t remember.”_

Troy began rubbing Hank’s ears as he said, “Hey thanks for letting us hang out here, Dorie. We haven’t seen you since the Greendale City College Ruffles Scandal.”

“I know, dear. That’s been a shame, but I’m so glad you all came by. And this will give me more time to get to know your lady friend.”

Penelope sneaked in behind Dorie and said, “I feel weird being here. Is this weird?”

Dorie turned to face her and asked, “Why would it be, dear?”

“Because you’re Jeff’s mom, and I work for him.”

“And he works for me, dear. So we could just say I’m your boss but perhaps being so high up in the company I’m a little out of touch. I need you to be my eyes and ears on the ground. Let me know how things are really operating.” She paused and with a twinkle in her eye added, “And I don’t mean about my son’s actual business. I mean his life. From an outsider’s perspective.” She turned toward Troy and Abed and winked. “Did I do that well, dears?”

Abed and Troy gave thumbs up. 

Penelope laughed in relief and said, “You’re really funny. I’m sorry we haven’t really gotten to know each other much.” She was somewhat self-conscious, not at all having anticipated that they’d be at Jeff’s mother’s house today. After Abed had almost broken, Troy had insisted this was one of the best places to bring him.

“Well we’ll just have to fix that, dear.” Dorie smiled as she walked over to the kitchen counter. “Would anyone like an apple?”

_“I wanna apple, Grandma, pretty please.”_

“You said pretty please, so of course you get one, dear.”

_“And it might not be today, but soon, right Grandma?”_

“That’s your parents, dear. Not grandma. Grandma always gets you things now. That’s what makes grandmas special.” Dorie proceeded to begin to cut up an apple in tiny slices.

Penelope sat down at the kitchen table across from Abed and watched as he continued to polish his apple. She whispered, “I’ve never seen you eat one. Do you?”

“No, but it’s shiny. And apples are wholesome.”

“Yeah, I guess they are.”

Troy nodded and pulled up a chair so he was in between them. He said, “Jeff’s mom is like the most wholesome person I’ve ever met. She’s like warm apple pie and a roaring fire in the wintertime. Which is how she is on Christmas, and I guess now it’s summer so regular apples will do. What’s like the fire of summer?”

Dorie nudged a plate of apple slices in front of Troy and then went back behind the kitchen counter.

Penelope ventured, “A pool?”

Troy frowned. “She doesn’t have a pool.”

_“Grandma has a pool, Troy.”_ Sophie was standing next to Troy, and he promptly pulled her onto his lap so she could reach the apple slices. 

“She does?”

Dorie remarked, “Yes, dear, I have a kiddie pool. You know, one of those inflatable kinds. I’ll go find Buzz and have him get it ready if you want.”

Abed cocked his head. “Buzz is here? I thought he was on campus.”

“He doesn’t teach on Fridays in the summer, dear. He’s in the garage at his workbench. He’s building something, but I’m afraid I don’t remember what it is at the moment.”

Abed wiggled his brows and placed the apple in front of Penelope. He said,“You’re welcome,” and then pushed it a little closer to her and she laughed in response. He then turned toward Dorie who was peering in the refrigerator and said, “I’ll go join him.”

“I’m sure he’d like that, dear.”

Abed leaned toward Troy and Penelope and explained, “Buzz and I still need to work on our buddy cop screenplay. Luckily I brought my laptop and didn’t take it with me when Mark and I got into our fight earlier.” He patted his cross body laptop bag and said, “That was fun because it helped me understand chase scenes better, but it was also stressful because for a moment there I thought we had changed genres. The idea of Jeff having…” Penelope made a silent cutting motion at him and he paused and looked at Sophie’s smiley face and then continued, “it just didn’t seem necessary, and frankly Michelle is just a character I never got into.”

Troy nodded. “I know, man. I never really had a scene with her except for group stuff, but she and Jeff were a thing so I guess she’s like important or something.” 

“Sure, Troy. Sure.” Abed smiled with closed lips indicating he was placating him and then rose and said, “I’m off to the garage.”

_“Abed, I come with you, okay? I wanna see Grandpa Buzz. He needs to make my pool.”_

“I must get some writing done with him first.” Once again he patted his laptop satchel and added, “Good writing.”

Sophie commented in between munches of apple, _“He makes my pool, then you swim, then you write.”_

“I’ll consider it.”

Holding onto an apple slice, Sophie hopped down from Troy’s lap and shouted, _“Bye Grandma, see you in the pool!”_

“I’ll find your swimsuit, dear.”

Dorie watched as Sophie and Abed left through the backdoor with Hank and Ruffles trailing them, and then she walked over to Troy and Penelope with a big pitcher full of lemonade. “Care for some, my dears? It’s not a roaring fire or apple pie, but lemonade is a sign of summer.”

Penelope nodded, conscious of the fact that Jeff’s mother had likely overheard everything they had been saying since she just referred to some key but noticeably innocuous comments, and said, “Yes, of course Mrs. Winger, thank you.”

“Please remember to call me Dorie, dear.”

“Right, sorry.”

Troy eagerly jumped up to get cups, and Dorie sat in Abed’s vacated seat so she was directly across from Penelope. She said, “This is so nice, you all paying me this special visit.”

“I hope it wasn’t too much of a bother. I know it was last minute.”

“Now, I’m delighted. I unexpectedly had the day off, as poor Craig came down with food poisoning and cancelled our district meeting which was really the only reason I was going to be there this morning. Now between you and me dear, I think it was nerves. That Carl Bladt is just not a likeable person. Afterwards, I was going to hop by Ian’s class and take him to lunch so we could have our weekly chat, but you know I think I’d much rather see my granddaughter and all her friends. And get to know you better, Penelope. Or is it Penny?”

“I guess I usually go by Penelope, but Sophie and Troy and Abed call me Penny.”

Troy sighed dreamily, “Cause you’re like our Abe Lincoln.”

“Right.” Penelope nodded indulgently, and Dorie watched the interplay as Troy sat back down with the glasses and then began pouring out lemonade.

“Cause he’s on a penny,” Troy clarified.

“I got it.” Penelope took her glass, taking a long sip as she let her nerves calm down from the day’s events. It was nice to be somewhere peaceful after the chaotic morning, and Troy had been right that Abed seemed to calm down immediately after entering Dorie’s home.

Although she gathered she wasn’t initially supposed to know anything, of course she had heard everything that was discussed on the front lawn on Broadmore. She, Jeff, Mark and Annie had then reconvened at the Edison-Winger house for a few minutes to go over some points, and Jeff had been frank with her at that time what he was dealing with. She supposed he trusted her, and well Troy and Abed now knew too. Jeff had asked her to help get Sophie out of the house as Britta had run off in shame, and then Jeff and Mark unexpectedly told her she had the day off as well. She had been planning to cut out early anyway, hence bringing Troy and Abed with her to work as they were going to head out to a camping adventure this weekend, but after Abed’s freakout, all of that was postponed. Abed no longer seemed in the mood to research wilderness settings, and frankly neither did Troy.

Neither did she. 

She said aloud, “I hope Britta’s okay.”

Troy frowned and said, “Yeah, um. I’m sure she is.”

“I don’t know. She seemed really upset.” She had flashes of Britta stammering several _I’m sorrys_ through tears before she had taken off. It was something that had gotten a bit lost in the shuffle of things, but it stayed with Penelope. 

Troy said, “She’s not as upset as Abed was earlier, trust me. But I think he’s better now. Don’t you?”

Penelope turned and stared out the back window at the garage. “Yeah, relatively.”

Dorie, who up until had been doing a pretty good job of staying patient, said, “I gather there’s been some sort of shenanigans going on. Did I use that word correctly, dear?”

Troy turned to her and gave a thumbs up. “Yeah, that was good.”

“So, there _were_ shenanigans?”

Troy and Penelope exchanged tentative looks, and Dorie noticed. She noticed everything.

“Dears, would you like some strawberry shortcake? Why, I just made a batch, and I was going to bring it over to my son’s house tonight for a family dinner but seeing as I have you all as company, I’m sure he won’t mind if we eat it now. He doesn’t appreciate my homemade whipped cream anyway. You know how he is about sweets. It’s a waste on him, really.”

“Hell yeah, Dorie. Shortcake and whip me up.”

“My pleasure. I tweaked the recipe from last time, so you should be sure to let me know how it is.”

“I’m sure it’s amazing. Penelope, you have to try Dorie’s shortcake. There are strawberries too.”

“Sure!”

Penelope eyed Dorie with suspicion as the other woman rose and made her way to the refrigerator and pulled out a huge shortbread cake. She placed it on the counter and then took out a bowl of what she assumed was cream from the fridge and smiled sweetly.

“Now Troy, why don’t you just fill me in on this morning? My son sounded so cranky. Like he needed a nap.”

“He probably did since he’s hungover.”

Penelope’s eyes widened and she kicked Troy under the table. He shirked back and then added in a wavering tone, “But that’s just because he was drinking with Mark, you know, them being buddies and all. He was home, no drunk driving or anything like that.”

“I’m relieved to hear that, dear. It's nice my son has fun with his friends.”

Dorie took out a handheld mixer and began whipping. 

“He does, and it’s not like he and Mark were talking about something really serious or anything, like life shattering news.” Troy winked at Penelope, and she cringed. He then regarded her with befuddlement.

“I’m sure Mark is a most trustworthy person for my son to have in his life, and why you and Penelop and Abed and that dear Britta. Sounds like you all came together for him today in some way, to help him.”

“Yeah we did. It was unexpected, but it turned out to be a real action fest. Mark jumped Abed. That’s why he has those scrapes.”

“I noticed that, dear. I gave him some iodine and he told me he was pleased because we weren’t going to be spending any more time back in season one.”

“Yeah, that’s good.”

“But I’m hearing you all talk about Michelle. She’s from season one, isn’t she?”

Penelope watched in fascination as Dorie scooted a plate of shortcake under Troy’s nose and then handed him a spatula.

“So you can put as much whipped cream on it as you want, Troy. Be generous. I have a lot more cream.”

“You’re awesome, Dorie!”

Dorie gave Penelope a slice as well and then sat back down, preening a little as she watched Troy begin to inhale the cake.

“Now why don’t you just tell me about this Michelle and how she’s upset my Jeffrey. What did the mean lady do?”

“Oh man, she…” Troy suddenly choked a little and eyed Penelope with sudden remarkable awareness. Dorie nudged the glass of lemonade toward him, and he stopped to take a sip.

Deciding to rescue him because while he was cute and amazing Troy didn’t know how to go about these things, Penelope said, “Your son is fine. He just ran into his ex, but it’s no big deal.”

“Oh, I’m relieved, dear. Why, when Troy mentioned something about _life shattering news_ I guess I got worried. As a mother. I’m always fretting about my poor Jeffrey.”

“Jeff doesn’t appreciate you, Dorie.”

“Thank you, Troy. But I think he does. He always does when I help him, but as you know he never asks. I tend to have to kind of push myself through.”

“Cause he’s defensive.”

“Yes, dear. I know. Like in football, dear. You’re always so helpful in getting me behind the line.”

Troy, who was now happily munching away on his shortcake, leaned toward her almost bashfully, and Dorie patted his shoulder. 

Penelope watched in almost disbelief, but then she sighed in realization that a lot was already out there. She’d try to do damage control or throw Dorie off the scent, but she had an inkling that might not be possible.

“Dorie, your son is doing just fine. It was just one of those crazy misunderstanding awkward things that can happen with exes. It was the usual Greendale drama, nothing that wasn’t cleared up by the end of the episode, as Abed says.”

“So there’s no role for me in it then? I suppose I’m relieved and yet oddly disappointed.”

Penelope found herself laughing, appreciating the woman’s wit and uncanny ability to speak Troy and Abed’s language. She knew they spent a lot of time with her, but still it was an unusual feat. She also had a feeling Dorie knew a lot more about movie and television lingo than she was really letting on, but that was only a hunch. She turned to her shortcake and took a bite, the crumbs instantly melting in her mouth is a bunch of deliciousness.

“Oh my god.”

“You like it, dear?”

“Wow. Just wow. Yes.”

“I’m so glad.” Dorie preened a little once again and then glanced out into the backyard where Buzz, Abed, and Sophie were pulling out a huge deflated kiddie pool. She remarked, “I never met Michelle, but my son told me he was very upset when she ended their relationship. I confess I’ve been curious about her. But alas, now that the episode is done, I guess I won’t meet her then. Such a shame.”

“Well, she does live in that blue Victorian on Broadmore, right around the corner from Jeff’s house.”

Penelope arched her brows through her bites of cake and stared at Troy, who was looking very concerned and sympathetic toward Dorie. 

He added, “I’m sure you’ll run into her in no time since you only live a few blocks away. Plus Sophie made friends with her son and even if everything turns out to be fyne with Jamie, Michelle will likely be around. Abed explained that to me. I think I have that right.”

Penelope contemplated kicking Troy but knew it had gone too far. It was like watching a horror movie in slow motion. A tasty and warm horror movie, but a wreck nonetheless.

With twinkling eyes, Dorie leaned in and asked, “Who is this Jamie?”

“Michelle’s son. He’s just a little younger than Sophie, which is kind of the whole problem. I mean, um, it’s not a problem, it’s fyne.”

“A problem, dear?”

“Noooo, no problem.”

Penelope closed her eyes and winced as they continued to converse.

“I’m just glad Abed doesn’t think Vaughn’s going to come back. None of us need that.”

“I remember meeting him once. He had the tiniest nipples I’d ever seen. I’m really glad to hear Abed thinks he’ll stay away.”

“Yeah. When I asked him about it, he screamed.”

  
  


X

X

Annie sat across from Jeff on their bed, watching him in an emotional state she hadn’t seen in quite some time. He was opening and closing his eyes at a moderate pace and kept starting and stopping speaking, which was highly unusual. It threw her off a little, so she did what she wanted to do and scooted closer so she could sit cross legged and take his hands in hers. 

“Everything will be okay.”

He sighed and glanced over at the crib where Sebstian was napping. They had retired upstairs for the rest of the morning after Mark left, and it was both a relief and jarring that everything was so quiet.

Jeff had been worried about Annie’s reaction to all of it, but it turned out he hadn’t needed to be. After her initial fury at Michelle, which kind of ungrounded him and he had rushed off to help Abed because he hadn’t known what else to fucking do, she had readily offered her support and understanding. She had also kept talking about how sweet Jamie was, and he just couldn’t believe it.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Jeff.”

He made eye contact and then let his chest heave. She scooted in even closer and squeezed his hands.

He muttered, “I was so stupid.”

“It sounds like Mark doesn’t think so. He’s not that willing to accept Michelle’s word on this. And frankly, neither am I.”

He sighed. “I don’t mean about that. Yes, a test will clear this whole thing up, but I was referring to my little dalliance with Michelle that may or may have not created a whole other human being I don’t even fucking know and wasn’t ever fucking told about.”

Annie seemed disappointed as he unjoined their hands and merely balled his up in fists that he then used to push into the mattress in frustration. 

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’ll spare the details, but obviously it was impulsive and just one of the stupidest and most alarming things I’ve ever done.” He took a deep breath and continued, “And what’s funny is I think Britta gets it. She laid it all out for me, she saw psychologically why I would do something like that even when I didn’t quite understand it myself. The only reason she could see it so readily was because she’s just as fucked up as I am.”

“Explain it to me.” She could tell he wanted to, perhaps needed to. And he had heard enough about her and Adam throughout the years to deserve the attention in return.

He was silent for a few moments, his eyes going toward Sebastian’s crib more than once before he managed, “Michelle ended it with me really abruptly and it hurt. Hurt so much more than I wanted to admit. And it’s not because she was my great love or anything like that, because well obviously that’s you, but it was because I actually tried with her. And I did like her and it felt really nice to spend some time with someone I liked. Sure, in retrospect she was just as sarcastic and emotionally unavailable as me which is why it didn’t stand a chance, but I actually tried and the whole rejection just came out of the blue. She just spat it out and laughed and walked away like it was no big deal.”

“I remember. You were really upset.”

“I only let myself cry about it in front of Pierce and my mom. With Pierce we just ended up talking about our hate for Glee, but he understood. And with my mom, well I didn’t give her all the details but she also got it. And then she did her unconditional love thing and it was just too fucking much so I found a way to leave early and just go home and drink some Scotch. I didn’t want her to see how damaged I was that I couldn’t make a decent relationship work.”

Annie nodded, her heart cracking. She heard through his words the real shameful belief that he had, that he might be unlovable if he weren’t perfect. It was something she herself had struggled with. Although he had done a lot of work on that throughout the past few years, he clearly had some stuff to sort through. She couldn’t do that for him, and nothing she could say would fix it. 

He was saying, “And then a little while later, she was concerned about me and seemed to care…”

“Your mom?”

“Michelle. It was during that chicken fingers thing, when you all aligned yourself with Abed and I was alone.”

“Jeff, I’m so sorry. We all regret that.”

“It’s okay. I’m not upset about it anymore, honestly. At the time though I felt abandoned, and then Michelle pops up and offered me something, and well, yada yada yada I was an idiot.”

He watched her reaction, noting she had been furrowing her brow and unfurrowing it during his tale, likely in efforts to pay close attention. She didn’t seem upset at all.

He emphasized, “Did you hear me? Because my friends were off playing a game without me, I had unprotected sex with a woman who abruptly dumped me.”

“I understand, Jeff.”

“It’s pathetic.”

She inched in closer and touched his cheek, which he just didn’t know what to do with in the moment.

“Now listen to me, mister.”

“What?”

Through her determined Annie expression, she said, “You’ve heard all my stories of seeking affection in the wrong places.”

“Hah. Yeah.”

“I told you about hooking up with Adam again after he came back into my life and how much I regretted it.”

“Annie, I didn’t mean to dredge that up, I didn't…”

“Let me finish. And that’s not your responsibility to stop me from thinking about that. My point is, I of all people can understand why you and Michelle … got together again, even just for a little bit.”

“I’d hardly phrase it like that, but um, yeah. You do?”

“Yes.”

They sat in silence for what felt like minutes but was probably much shorter. Jeff was conscious of his breathing and the heavy thoughts in his head.

Eventually, he managed to whisper aloud one of his fears.

“Annie, what if I fucked up our lives? What if…?”

She patted him again and said with a calmness he needed, “We have every reason to believe Michelle, but we will be _sure._ And if for some reason Michelle has been deceptive about this, that is not your fault at all. We will figure it out, together. I’m confident we can find a way to expand our family. This was just not the way we thought we’d do it.”

“Annie.”

“Admit it, you’ve wanted three kids.”

“It’s a little too early to tease me about this.”

“Sorry.”

He pulled her into him and mumbled, “No. I love you. You have no idea how much.”

“Love you too.”

They fell backward onto the bed, still entangled in Jeff’s bear hug. After he inhaled the aroma of her shampoo, he started to feel a contentment that had eluded him over the past day. She was absolutely right. They’d get through this together, and maybe just maybe he could start to let go of his shame.

He was still working on it, but this was a start.

  
  


X

X

Britta sobbed into her pillow, her heart aching as she mentally reviewed the past two days. She had been so smug and sure about it but had also been concerned about Jeff and tried to do this right, to warn him. Deep down she knew she wasn’t to blame for him running off to Slater’s house as he was a fully functioning adult with his own anxious mind, but why the hell did she have to blurt out all that stuff in front of Annie, Troy, and Abed? It was an awful thing to do, and as soon as it came out of her mouth she was mortified.

Britta Britta-ing everything again. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid. Stop that.”

She glanced up to realize that she had inadvertently left the bedroom door ajar and Kevin was standing there, his expression concerned. 

She wiped her nose and said through snot, “I thought you were out.”

Not making a sound, Kevin shuffled over to the bed and sat carefully near the edge. For some reason she didn’t mind, as he was still looking at her with tenderness he usually reserved for the hermit crabs.

“I was next door. The Dean has food poisoning.”

“No shit. He okay?”

None of them had been that happy about the Dean deciding to be their neighbor after Jeff and Annie got their house, but so far she and Ian had been managing to avoid him. Oddly though, Kevin had taken an interest in prepping him food.

“Oh my god, did you poison him?”

“Psshaw, noooo. I mean, it was accidental. We were eating dinner last night and commiserating over lost loves. Spreck has been horrible to him, and I don’t remember my past loves but I’m sure they were sad and tragic. I feel that, Britta, I do.”

“Yeah.” She scooted upward and leaned back against the headboard but pulled her knees up to her chest. “You were like married.”

“So people tell me.”

“And you boinked Shirley once.”

“I wish I remembered that. I bet it was freakish.”

Although his tone was even and soothingly calm, she couldn’t help but laugh just a little. She never knew when or if he joked, but she needed something today.

“I did something really dumb. I told some people something that was not my secret to tell. And there was no reason for me to do it other than not thinking before I spoke.”

“I know that well too.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, mommy.”

“Stop. We’ve been over this. I am not your mommy, Ian is not your daddy, and we are not a family.”

“Sure, mommy-Britta.”

She squinted at him and then said, “I wanted to ask you, how do you keep showing up when you feel bad about something you said? How do you live with yourself? I need tips.”

“Simple. I don’t feel bad.”

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“Umm, that’s weird, but um, you don’t feel like shame and self-loathing on a regular basis?”

“It’s not worth the effort.”

“It doesn’t take effort for me to feel that way.”

“Oh. Well then I’m very out of things to say right now.”

It was then that Ian, apparently having returned from work, appeared in the doorway, his expression exasperated.

“Oh my god, all my reflective listening therapy books strewn over the living room! I know it was _you_ ,” he pointed at Chang, “because they’re trailing into your room and there’s an oily substance on them I can’t and don’t want to identify.”

Britta smacked Kevin and yelled, “You were therapizing me?!? I thought you were being nice.”

Kevin shrugged and said, “I love you mommy-Britta.”

“Yeah, um, okay.” She squinted at him in suspicion yet again. 

Ian was able to convince Kevin to check back in with the Dean and then laid down with her as she proceeded to fill him in about the day’s events. To her relief, he didn’t admonish her.

“You were just trying to be a good friend.”

“I Britta’d it.”

“That expression isn’t kind. Please don’t say that to yourself. You’re so lovely.”

“Stop, I’m not, I’m just a person who can’t keep her mouth shut.”

“No, you love things and people passionately. More people should care. And now everything’s out in the open and can be dealt with.”

“I suppose you’re going to go over to talk to Jeff?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m staying as far away from that situation as possible. Michelle scares me.”

“You’re scared of everything.”

“Just because I told you my fear of heights, spiders, more spiders, darkness, sunlight, and peaches doesn’t mean you have to throw that back in my face at the slightest opportunity.”

She laughed as he pulled her into a warm embrace.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	17. Intermediate Maternal Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Jeff deal with their mothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! We won’t get into it, just let us move on. Much love to the Community Discord server fan-fics channel for their support and continual prodding in all the right places. It tickles.

Jeff ran his hand over his scruff as he considered how the day had progressed. He had been grateful for Annie’s seemingly endless empathy and understanding, and he had gotten the paperwork done with Mark so that was being pushed through, with Mark taking the lead on getting that to Michelle in a discrete manner, given Jeff’s fuckup of the situation earlier. He had tried calling Michelle in some weird desire to smooth things over but so far she hadn’t been answering him and Mark had told him to stop. He had stayed home the rest of the day and done some chores around the house, feeling more than slightly guilty Annie had to put up with him, and he had spent some quality time with Sebastian which had been both grounding and a reminder of his current predicament. 

He and Annie probably could have used a quiet night in, but with Sophie now back from his mom’s that wasn’t possible and there had been the extended family dinner plans they had made way in advance.

Friday night dinner. His mom and Buzz, and Rachel and Anthony. Annie had gotten roped into something with her mother weeks ago and decided she’d rather be on home turf for it so had invited her mother and her brother over together, figuring that would be nice. Sophie had misunderstood and thought it was a big _family_ dinner and had invited his mom and Buzz, and by the time they had cleared it up it turned out his mom and Buzz were actually coming over. They had finalized details about a week ago before everything with Michelle happened. He had wanted to cancel, but for some reason Annie thought managing Sophie with the help of others and being around other people would do them some good. Half of him suspected she had tried to cancel with her mom and it had been difficult, but he wasn’t certain about that. 

He also had a hunch she might be trying to avoid him. God, had he fucked up.

But he supposed having a distraction was a good thing versus being stuck in his head. He sighed as he looked through the doorway into the dining room, watching as Rachel clapped her hands in delight at one of Sophie’s comments about Moses. There had been some discussion of the parting of the Red Sea and Jeff had discreetly rolled his eyes before wiping Sebastian’s sticky chin and then excusing himself to go help his mom in the kitchen with coffee. He had then stopped and turned to look back, as Sophie’s little voice always did cheer him up.

 _“Moses say you go! You walk! And all our people walked!”_ Sophie held up her pointer finger and then proceeded to stab the table for some reason.

Rachel flinched at the shoutiness but then grinned and said, “Why yes, sweetie. That’s exactly what happened. It was a miracle, and we were led out of Egypt.”

Sophie stared at Rachel for a moment and then a giant smirk graced her face. She pointed once again at the ceiling and said at an unnecessary loud volume, _“And I will say to Mister Flufferstein you go! You walk! And she will walk out of her cage!”_

“Well, now that’s not exactly the same thing, sweetie.”

Jeff smiled a little as he regarded an incredulous Rachel and Annie’s silent laughter, his arms crossed over him as he leaned against the doorframe. He then felt his mother’s presence before she even said anything.

She whispered, “She’s so precious.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“I think we should have a chat, dear.”

He frowned but then turned and followed her into the kitchen, not sure at all what to expect. After living for so many years just the two of them, he could sense when his mother had something on her mind. Although he was curious, given his day he hadn’t really had the bandwidth to interrogate her per usual. She motioned for him to sit down at the kitchen table and she sat opposite, pushing forth a mug of coffee she had apparently been brewing in his kitchen.

He awkwardly accepted it and took a sip, knowing full well she did this when she wanted him to tell her something. Warm beverages were one of her stealth tactics.

“What’s up?”

She nodded and took a sip of her own coffee, her eyes twinkling with what he could only ascertain was concern rather than bemusement. 

“Maybe you should tell me, dear.”

“Tell you what?”

“You seem sad and more than a little preoccupied.”

He groaned and inched his chair back, noticing her wince and he kind of felt bad. She was only trying to comfort him in her way, which he knew usually involved prying. Why she couldn’t just sit with him in awkwardness was continually frustrating.

“Mom.”

“Now dear, I know something is going on. The boys and that delightful Penelope came over earlier and I got the sense something upsetting had happened. I’m your mother, and I would like to help you.”

He sighed and ran his hand over his scruff once again, his eyes darting side to side as he considered his options. Definitely not tell her, but crap it felt kind of nice to have his mother there.

He managed, “It’s nothing. Just some stuff I need to figure out. Hopefully it’ll all be sorted within a week or so.”

He hoped that was true. Michelle could always fight him on this and it might take longer if they needed to get a judge involved. If she resisted this, he realized it would likely mean she had lied to him, and the thought of that was almost too much right now. He had been resisting the urge to text Mark and see if there had been any word.

He smiled tightly and nodded, which was probably very awkward. His mother narrowed her eyes and that was confirmation.

“Dear, perhaps you’d like to tell me what’s going on. If it’s going to be a week, that’s a long time to keep this to yourself.”

He took a deep breath and then explained, “There’s nothing you can do to fix it, so I’ll let you know if there’s anything you need to know once I know.”

They sat in silence for what felt like minutes but was probably only about twenty seconds before his mother broke it with a waver in her voice.

“I’d like to support you. There’s no need to keep this from me. I love my grandchildren.”

He inhaled sharply, and she reached over and patted his hand.

X

X

Annie watched with curiosity as Anthony followed Buzz out of the dining room. They had been mumbling something at the other end of the table while Sophie and her mother talked about Moses, and then Buzz had motioned with his hand for Anthony to follow him. She smiled slightly at the thought that perhaps Buzz could be a good influence on Anthony. They hadn’t spent much time together and she was intrigued as to what they were up to.

She lifted Sebastian out of his high chair, noticing his heft and marveling at how much bigger he was than Sophie at the same age. She supposed he would turn out more like Jeff whom Sophie always tended to refer to as _gigantic._

She felt a pang in her chest as she thought about Jamie and tried to push down her worries. She reminded herself that she needed to be supportive, that this wasn’t anything Jeff had done wrong, and it was something they could handle if there turned out to be anything that needed to be handled. 

Hopefully it wouldn’t be a thing.

God, was she terrible in thinking of this as _a thing?_

Was she terrible for not wanting them to have to deal with this?

She smiled tightly as she felt her mother’s eyes graze over her. Instantly bristling, she turned and looked up sharply.

“What?”

“Nothing, sweetie.”

_“Mommy, can I go find Grandpa Buzz and Uncle Anthony?”_

“Yes, of course. But why don’t we go and ask them…”

\-- _”Yay!”_

Sophie jumped off her chair and bounded toward the living room shrieking, “ _Grandpa Buzz! Uncle Anthony! Let’s play with Mister Flufferstein!”_

“Woof!”

Ruffles, who up until now had been accepting crumbs Sophie had been surreptitiously feeding her under the table, rose and was in hot pursuit.

Annie stood with Sebastian and kissed the side of his head as he squirmed and gurgled. 

“Yes, sweetie. I know you could use a little something to top off your dinner.”

“You’re still breastfeeding?”

She hesitated, wondering if this would also be a _thing._ Her mother had given her advice to try to put a stop to nursing earlier, explained it would get in the way of her studies. 

Once again, she explained, “Yes, I’d like to do it for at least a year, just like I did with Sophie.”

Rachel nodded, her expression slightly preoccupied. Annie motioned for her to come with her, and they went into the back office where Annie had placed a chair for her to nurse the baby when she needed to remain on the main floor with Sophie. Jeff only used the office part time anyway and so far it had been working out. Annie glanced at the desk, once again recalling how she had found the dreaded document there, and she inwardly chastised herself for even dwelling on it, as it really wasn’t her place.

She sat down and Rachel did so in Jeff’s desk chair so she was opposite her. Rachel waited until Annie had unbuttoned her blouse and settled Sebsatian before she said carefully, “Now sweetie, I’m glad we have a moment, just the two of us.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Maybe you should tell me.”

Annie looked up at her mother’s inquisitive expression and it reminded her of the time when she had almost fainted during the early days of her pregnancy with Sebastian. 

She groaned, “Mom, nothing’s wrong. And no, I’m not on drugs again.”

“Well that’s a relief.”

“I’m never doing that stuff again.”

Rachel nodded as she crossed her legs tightly and began bobbing her outstretched leg. The pointed toe of her stiletto jabbed at the air at an alarming angle, and Annie bristled.

“Sweetie, I’m very glad to know it’s not any of that silly nonsense. But I’m your mother, and I know that you’re upset about something. And so is Jeff.”

Annie arched her brow and regarded her mother with some skepticism. She asked, “Since when do you notice these things?”

“I’m an expert in marital tension, sweetie. Your father was a peach.”

Her mother’s strange smile unnerved her, but she did her best to rally, wishing very much to draw a firm boundary around discussing her marriage.

She said breezily, “Jeff and I are fine. We’re just working through something. It’s nothing serious.”

There was an odd pause before her mother leaned forward slightly and ventured with a gleam in her eye, “Well then you could talk to me about it then? I could give some perspective.”

Annie watched her mother bat her eyelashes twice and then regard her like a shark. She hesitated, but then managed, “We’ve already talked it out. It’s just ….” Deciding to be honest, she said, “Look mom, I don’t really feel comfortable discussing it with you.”

“And why is that? I’m your mother.”

“Because I’d like to figure stuff out in my marriage on my own terms. I don’t want you poisoning me against my husband.”

At this, Rachel scoffed and simultaneously exaggerated an eye roll. “Oh, please! You know I adore Jeff.” She then paused and added, “But of course now I know apparently he _did_ do something and you’re trying to forgive him. That’s it, isn’t it? Otherwise what is there I could possibly poison? If you had cheated on him, for instance, not that you would because my god is that man good looking…”

\--“Mom.”

“All I’m saying is you wouldn't have to worry that I would have you see him in a bad light. So it’s got to be the other way around.” Her eyes widened as she took sharp intake of air at apparent realization and sputtered, “Oh, but he wouldn’t? No, not my Jeff.”

“What are you…”

\---”I thought I’d sized him up pretty well. After all, he didn’t respond to _my_ advances, sweetie and trust me that’s difficult for most men to do.”

They sat in awkward silence, Annie cringing as her mother resumed bouncing her leg, the spastic motion almost making her nauseous. She tried to concentrate on Sebastian, who was staring up at her with his sweet blue eyes and his little pointy nose. Her little Jeffy. She suddenly had flashes of Michelle in her impeccable little summer suburban chic mom outfit and shiny hair and the wave of intimidation that had washed over her earlier when she was inches away.

“Sweetie?”

She realized she was crying, just softly but noticeably, and she lifted her head and looked at her mother’s shocked expression.

Rachel narrowed her eyes. “So he _did_ cheat on you? I’ll kill him.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Well then what _did_ he do?”

“He didn’t _do_ anything, well nothing I have any right to be upset about.”

“Yet you _are_ upset, sweetie.”

“But I shouldn’t be, I…”

There was a soft rap at the door, and Annie turned to see Britta standing there, her expression clearly distraught.

“Annie? I’m sorry, Anthony let me in and said it was no biggie.” Her eyes went to Rachel as she added, “I didn’t realize I was interrupting a family thing, I thought Anthony was just here fixing something cause he had all those nails in his mouth. I’m so sorry, I’ll just…”

Finding herself relieved at the break in the tension between her and her mother, Annie said quickly, “No, Britta it’s okay. Actually, maybe we should talk for a few minutes, just us. It might help.”

“Are you sure? Because I can go.” Britta jerked her thumb over her shoulder for emphasis.

Annie stared at Britta’s red rimmed eyes, and she suspected this time it wasn’t due to weed but due to a crying fit. Instantly all of Britta’s behavior earlier in the day came rushing back, and she was torn between irrationally hating her and wanting her comfort. She was the only person besides Shirley she’d want to talk to about any of the Jeff and Michelle stuff. And Britta certainly was not a fan of Michelle. And remembering Shirley all of a sudden, she thought she should probably call her soon. If anyone could empathize about difficult marital situations, it was Shirley now that she had let herself drop her piety act and accept the flaws in her own marriage.

Why she was thinking of this situation as being representative of a _flaw_ was suddenly unnerving, and she tightened her Annie smile. 

Rachel was clearly annoyed as she said, “Oh, I see, so Brittany gets to talk to you but I, your own _mother_ who nursed you through a migraine just recently is shut out in the cold. I expected better from you, Anna Elizabeth.”

“It’s _Britta.”_

“Right. Silly me.”

“Mom, Britta’s been my friend for several years now. I’d like to talk to her.”

Britta stepped forward and gushed, “Annie, you don’t know how much of a relief that is, I thought you’d hate me forever about the Jeff thing. I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have done it.”

Rachel suddenly snapped her head and said, “So _you’re_ the one who slept with him? You little bitch.”

X

X

By now, Jeff had placed his forehead on the kitchen table and had been silent for some minutes. He didn’t know how his mother had worked it out. She had explained no one had told her explicitly but she had filled in the gaps and now by his reaction she was sure. He hadn’t had much more energy other than to plop over.

“Jeffrey, I am so sorry you are going through this.”

He finally managed, “Mom, I….crap. I dunno how to handle this.”

“Well I wouldn’t expect you to. No one tells you these are the things that happen when you are an adult. Weird adult things. Sure, you see them on soap operas but I know that’s not a genre you’ve ever cared much about.”

“Now you sound like Abed.”

“He does rub off on me sometimes, dear.”

He managed a half smile at that one and then very slowly and with much trepidation lifted his head and met her concerned gaze. She was clutching her coffee cup and seemed worried.

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“Do I gather you’re waiting on a dna test, dear?”

Things were getting real now. He gulped and tried to feign some levity, perhaps for his own sake rather than hers.

“But first it’s gotta happen. Mark’s taking care of it because apparently I’m an impulsive fuck up.”

Without missing a beat, she said, “You always have been when you’re passionate. It sounds like you’ll do the right thing, and as I said, I will help you.”

Her steely eyes bore into him, and he got the impression her offer of help was more of an insistence.

He explained, “This isn’t something you can help with, this is me being an idiot when I should have focused my energies on wooing Annie away from her hippy dippy dumbass or frankly just had more self-awareness and less self-loathing. The incident got me into therapy, but I should have gone years ago.”

She nodded and remarked, “We do things in our own time. I’m proud of you.”

He groaned and found the words spilling out of him, “How can you say that? How can both you and Annie continue to say crap like that? She’s being all unconditional and patient about it, and my god, look at this mess! She says she’s made mistakes and can relate, but _come on_ she made her mistake at age eighteen. I was a thirty year old idiot. And now our nice life here in her dream house is just going to be tense and weird and this was all so unnecessary. And then when I think like that of course I feel guilty because what am I saying if Jamie _is_ mine? That I don’t want him to exist? Because _no,_ I will not be like my father. I won’t.”

His eyes widened as he realized all he had just shared, and he suddenly felt very vulnerable. He was almost shaking not in anger but in shame, but his mother was biting her lip as a tear fell from her eye.

“You are not like him. You are a good man. I am so proud of you, you have no idea.”

“Heya Jeff, you got a hammer?”

They both turned to see Buzz standing in the doorway holding a two by four. Jeff vaguely recognized it from when they moved in and he mentioned something about fixing one of the slats on the backyard fence. Buzz’s eyes darted between them and his face reddened, likely realizing his intrusion.

Jeff managed, “I believe the toolbox is in the garage.” He was suddenly grateful for the interruption and asked in a dry tone, “And are you fixing our fence? Crap Buzz, you don’t need to do that.” He then smirked and added, _“Now.”_

Buzz returned the smirk and shook his head. “I got the kids out back. I’m teaching them useful skills.”

Dorie said, “Buzz dear, I need to have more words with my son, as you can gather. I think you should go to the garage. Maybe take the kids some pie.”

“Mom, Anthony’s hardly a child.”

“Now I don’t agree, dear.”

“Wait, you said the shortcake was gone. You brought _pie?”_

“I was able to whip up a nice blueberry. It was no trouble.”

Suddenly they heard a knock at the front door. Jeff groaned and stood.

He said wearily, “You two handle whatever it is you want about the pie and the garage and the hey hey.” 

Taking deep breaths to ground himself, he walked out past the vacant dining room and into the living room, then finally to the front hall. He opened the door and there was an attractive dark haired man about thirty five or late thirties max, holding a grocery bag. His eyes widened oddly at the sight of Jeff and then he flashed a bright smile.

“Can I help you?”

“Hello. I have a delivery for Rachel Edison.”

Jeff cocked his head and then shrugged. It was odd, but certainly he wouldn’t put it past Rachel to have a delivery sent to their house while she was there. He vaguely recalled she wasn’t allowed into grocery stores, having burned all her bridges. He turned to call for her when he suddenly remembered when she had been there to take care of Annie during her migraine. 

She had sent a certain _someone_ over with groceries. 

He turned back and, feeling a bubbling of impish curiosity that was distracting from his current problems, asked, “You don’t happen to be Gregory, do you?”

X

X

Annie was seething at her mother’s assumptions, perhaps even irrationally so. She supposed on some level Britta showing up and seeming all guilty and ashamed did seem suspicious, but it was so unnecessary for her mother to stick her nose in where it didn’t belong. They had had words before Rachel had stormed out for a few minutes to collect herself, and then Annie and Britta had fumbled a little.

“So Annie, I guess I fucked up again in coming over here. I’m sorry.” Britta inched her chair closer and smiled for a quick second at the baby before her eyes remet hers.

With a gulp, Annie said, “No, it’s okay. My mom was already on the warpath. She thinks Jeff’s cheating on me.”

“Hah. Like he’d ever do that.”

“Then why does it feel like it?” 

She wasn’t sure how those words came out, and she instinctively squeaked, but Britta either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

Britta frowned for a moment and offered, “Because it’s kind of like that. You thought one thing, then you find out maybe another. And you won’t ever be able to unknow it if everything turns out to be true. But maybe it feels more like a terminal illness, you know?”

Furrowing her brow, she said, “I don’t understand.”

“You think Jeff’s dying so you can’t be mad at him, you don’t think you have the right to be. You tell yourself you’re mad at the situation but you’ll stick with him through this, that he can’t handle it if you’re scared so you can’t let him know. But we all know that’s kind of bullshit.”

Annie felt her heart sink. She absentmindedly pet Sebastian’s hair and whispered, “That’s actually a really good analogy, Britta.”

“Thanks, but we all know if I hadn't blurted this out or even dug this up you guys would still be in sickenly sweet loveland. I know I can’t make it up to you…”

\--“Britta, please, it’s okay. I know you meant well.”

Britta winced and explained, “No. I talked to Ian, and we agreed I have a lot of unresolved issues. If I want to really therapize people, I need to get my shit together. So I’m going to get real therapy this time, I promise. I don’t want to do this to you again. I love you guys.”

“Awww.”

X

X

“What’s up with frowny face?” 

“That’s my son, Buzz. You know how much I love him.”

Buzz groaned and pulled Dorie into a hug, his free hand sliding down her back as he continued to grip the two by four. In that moment he felt a certain protectiveness. He knew she didn’t like it when he got all husbandy with her since they weren’t even married and she told him she didn’t want to do that, but he needed her to know he’d stick by her. 

He scanned over to the back window and noticed it wasn’t properly latched. Damn, he missed that in his covert inspection.

“I’ll chat with him.”

“Buzz, I say this with all affection, but this isn’t something that is in your domain really. It’s more subtle.”

“I can be subtle.”

He didn’t know why she started laughing so he quieted her with a smooch.

X

X

“Sooo, it is Gregory? The neighbor?” Jeff wiggled his brows and waited.

The man flushed for a second before he gripped the bag tighter. It was only then that Jeff took in the full picture, noting the guy was dressed in fitted jeans and a tailored dark blazer. He glanced past him and to his surprise spotted an ordinary grey Honda Accord sedan parked in front of the house.

The man sputtered, “Um, yes.” He then hesitated before he added, “And you must be Jeff.”

“That I am. It’s good to meet you.” He took out his hand, and they shook and shared a smirk.

Before Jeff could fully appreciate the moment, a whispery yet shrieky voice came from behind him.

“Oh my god! What are you doing here? I told you I’d come out to meet you!”

Okay, so it was more hissing than whispery/shrieky and for some reason he was loving it.

He turned to see a horrified Rachel, her hand clutching her chest. She was gasping now, and he had pity so he took a step over and patted her on the back.

“Breathe.”

She swatted him away and then her eyes darted back and forth between him and Gregory. Before she could say anything, Gregory sighed and explained, “We introduced ourselves. He already knew.”

Rachel’s eyes narrowed, and Jeff knew she was pissed. She then smiled tightly in that eerie way that reminded him of Annie in her most zealous moments and she turned to him with a confident aura.

Jabbing a finger at his chest she said, “Jeff, I called Gregory to bring over some items to make dessert, since your mother tells me she needed to feed her shortcake to some of your little friends earlier.”

“And to Sophie.”

“Yes, and see I can’t have my grandchild getting dessert from only one bubbe. You understand?”

He nodded as he began to fully comprehend how threatened she continued to feel around his mom. Part of him could see why, but he wished she’d just go about it differently. Sophie adored her, and he was pretty sure Sophie never compared her grandmothers. She soaked up love wherever she could. His heart warmed as he thought of the munchkin and the squirt and he suddenly had an urge to go hug Annie.

“Of course I understand. Really, I think it’s very nice of Gregory to come by.” He winked at the guy and asked, “Hey, do you wanna stay for dessert?”

“Jeff!”

The swat was intense this time, and he winced as Gregory’s eyes widened ten times their size.

Gregory sputtered, “Noooooo! Rachel, you know I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I ….”

Rachel stepped over to Gregory and took the grocery bag from his terrified hands as she purred in a half whisper, “I know, sweetie. I know.” To Jeff’s amazement, she began fluttering her lashes and then gave Gregory a quick peck on the cheek.

“Mom?”

They all turned to see Annie tilting her head in horrified fascination as she handed Sebastian over to a frazzled Britta.

“Greg Lanchester?!?” She stomped forward.

Jeff suddenly realized Annie seemed to be familiar with her mother’s boytoy, and he internally kicked himself for not having considered the possibility sooner. Afterall, he apparently lived next door.

Continuing to flush furiously, Gregory said, “Um, hi Annie. I was just dropping off some stuff for your mom.”

“I….” Annie turned toward her mother, her eyes widening even further. It was pretty obvious she had seen the kiss. She managed, “Mom? What’s going on with you two?”

Rachel stepped forward and waved her hand in the air as she said, “Now, sweetie, it’s nothing.”

Looking crestfallen, Gregory squeaked, “Nothing?” 

“Nothing she needs to concern herself with. Anna, Gregory is just a friend. A good friend, but nothing you need to worry about or really we don’t need to talk about it. I can have friends.”

“He’s Andy’s cousin!”

“Yes, sweetie, but he was never around really. He moved back a couple years ago.”

Jeff started putting pieces together. He reached over and began to rub Annie’s shoulders, something she tended to appreciate. He leaned down and asked into her ear, “Andy as in _your_ Andy?”

She nodded emphatically. “Yes, my first boyfriend.”

“Andy says hey, by the way.”

“Not now, Gregory.”

“Mom, do you know what we were discussing about _boundaries?_ See, you’re a hypocrite because you expect me to tell you stuff about my love life, but apparently you are just fine keeping secrets from me.”

“Sweetie, I hardly think Gregory and I is anything interesting for you, whereas I could be of tremendous help in sorting out this Jeff and Brittany situation.” Rachel looked up at Jeff and hissed, “How _could_ you?”

“Whaaaat?” Jeff shirked back.

 _“Mommy, Daddy, Bubbe! Ooooooh hi Auntie Britta!”_ Sophie came bounding up from somewhere, and Jeff in his haste to get away from Rachel’s piercing stare squatted down to grab his munchkin. Her warm and strangely sweaty hands felt right at home on his neck.

“Hey, munchkin.”

_“Daddy, have you seen Mister Flufferstein?”_

“Umm….nooo?” He squinted at her and noticed she was scanning around with a look of bewilderment. “Munchkin, Mister Flufferstein should be in her cage, where she always is.”

_“I let her go. Like Moses.”_

It was then there was a flash of a furry blob scurrying across the floor, and it went right for Rachel.

“Nooooooooo!” She squeaked and jumped high. There was a crashing sound as Gregory dropped the bag of groceries and grabbed her. 

“I’ve got it, I…”

“It’s on me! Get it off! Get it off!”

Anthony suddenly ran in, his face full of glee at the sight of his mother in Gregory’s arms, feet kicking toward the ceiling. He paused for a second before running over and attempting to grab the guinea pig off her shoulder.

“It’s in my hair!”

“Hold on a sec, mom!”

_“Mister Flufferstein! Yay! You play with bubbe!”_

As the scuffling continued, Jeff stood with a giddy Sophie in his arms and grabbed Annie with his free arm. To his relief, she let her head fall into his side. She then looked up at him and mouthed silently, “I love you.”

  
He whispered back. “Me too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
